Thanks Joe and PV ... that helps put it in perspective. No need to be in a big rush, or obsess about it. I need to just settle down and live life as I would have anyway, just taking the Nal first.

On that note, it is exactly an hour since I took my 25mg Nal for Day 4. Have a good evening!

Best of luck to you, YG - sounds like you have a great doctor and one of the rare one who knows this method. Awesome! You go girl! (wishing good things for your brother too, but take of YOU first - you will be the example & que sera sera on all other fronts).

XO

Thanks for the encouragement, houtx! I must apologize for being slow to respond and not active enough throughout the site. I have two small children home for the summer and I don't get much time at the computer. I will contribute when I can! That said, here is my recap for Week 1:

25 mg of Naltrexone every day

Day 1 - 6 units
Day 2 - 4.5 units
Day 3 - 5.5 units
Day 4 - 5.5 units
Day 5 - 7.5 units
Day 6 - 4 units
Day 7 - 8 units

Total: 41 units

Observations:
-- This week I drank roughly the same amount as I would have pre-TSM. So far, no honeymoon.
-- The difference between 5.5 and 7.5 units for me is a blackout.
-- I seem to drink more more when I drink vodka (as opposed to white wine.)
-- I feel like I am drinking faster since I have started taking Naltrexone, not sure why?
-- I had side effects the first day or two, but none now. I am considering increasing my dose to 50mg after 1 week, instead of after 2 weeks, since I am tolerating 25mg well.
-- I am not sure if I should be trying to moderate, or just drinking as much as my body/mind wants to?
-- I am not sure if I should try having an AF day here and there, like I normally would after drinking too much on a given night?

So far I don't feel much different, but I know I have a long way to go. It has only been one week and I am not up to 50mg of Nal yet. I am in for the long haul and will try not to overthink it!

I talked to my doctor about increasing to 50mg today, and she advised me wait for two weeks from my start date, as planned. I told her I was tolerating 25mg well and asked why I should wait. She said that is the protocol she likes to follow, and she wants me to stick with it. She said she has had good results following this plan.

Okay then, since I am lucky enough to have a doctor who has some experience with TSM, I will follow her advice.

On another note, I took my Nal almost 2 hours ago and don't really feel like drinking. I have felt terrible all day from drinking too much last night (8 units) and my stomach is kind of sick. But now that I took the Nal, I feel like I SHOULD at least have one drink to let it do its work. Not sure what to do ...

YG - again, you are lucky to have Dr who is on board with TSM, so follow her advice. You could probably go up to 50 mgs after a week @ 25 w/ no probs...but just do what she suggests. Feeling sick after taking it is a good sign. Just follow your gut. If you've taken it and don't feel like drinking, then don't. That's the point, isn't it?! But if you've taken it and the kids are in bed (for example) and you find yourself fighting the cravings...do what you feel like doing. Even if just have 1 or 2 late at night...may help rewire. Don't "overthink" it -

Good luck!

Heydeeho Yogagirl!
I just read this thread and had to jump in and say hello again. Also, I wanted to remind you, as well as me, that this TSM process is subtle, often mysterious, and largely behind the scenes. It is also quite inconsistent and doesn't cooperate the way we'd like it to! All of this is a cocktail for crazy-making-torture in our heads, but we have to flip the lever and simply go about enjoying life as much as possible.

I'm on week 18 and my units go up and down and up and down. I'm at the point where I'm more interested in the subtle changes than the units because the units don't reveal the most important details of this process. My relationship with alcohol is truly evolving into a more rational, tame, civilized entity and like most miraculous things it is impossible to describe in words. On the flip side, I'm no where near cured and my train won't be pulling into that station any time soon. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me that it takes so friggin' long to get cured, but then I remind myself of the alternative--NEVER getting cured and then all seems right with the world.

Take care, be patient, follow your heart, ignore the doubts, and keep your eye on the prize!

I agree with houtx. Don't drink if you don't want to. the idea of not drinking for a night may be as beneficial as one drink on Nal for you. but either way, you took your Nal, so you have no worries tonight.

Just wanted to shout out to Toxicgirl, thanks for sharing about where you are, it reminds me to keep it simple and appreciate the subtle changes. I went on a date and had 2 beers last night. Before TSM, I would've required at least a dozen just so i could feel loose enough. I got cut off after 12 on a first date once. You are reminding us not to expect a sudden cure.

and houtx, I appreciate you too. sticking up for me in the boxing ring, and being so supportive when TSM didn't work for you.

reading this page, it's all women commenting before me. reminds me of one of the things i thought was cool about AA. the women stuck together in a way that men didn't really. probably to avoid those creepy assholes who prey on newcomers with that deer in the headlight look, but still. I always found it charming.

Roar

LOL

Hi Everyone!

Thanks, as always, for all the great advice, feedback, commentary, etc. I've been out of town on a family road trip for a few days, just getting back into normal life and back into this forum.

Houtx ... thanks for the ideas! I want to get to the point where I take Nal late, then have 1 or 2 drinks late. Seems like that would be good for rewiring. I think the night I felt like not drinking last week in spite of taking Nal, I ended up starting with 2, then having 4 total. Back to that once I start, I don't stop. But at least it wasn't 7!

ToxicGirl ... thanks for the kind, wise words, and I am still loving your blog! I so enjoy reading your thought process, because it is so familiar. I am sure it is to all of us, because we relate to alcohol in the same way. It is very fun and reassuring to see myself in another, especially when (with alcohol) I have spent so much time feeling different. I was laughing out loud about that extra 550 calories (what a coincidence!) because I know that has been the reason my skinny jeans are getting tight too (yet, invariably, I seem to forget that around 5pm.) And I also appreciate the reminder not to be expecting instant changes. I need to just roll with the day to day and see what happens over time.

Joe ... interesting observation on women vs. men. I have always avoided AA for a number of reasons, but I think I sensed that potential for creepiness and that added to my aversion! Women definitely have a tendency to be supportive ... not sure if that is nature or nurture, but you are right, it seems to be part of who we are. I love that you find it charming! That said, I think there are a lot of very supportive men on this site. Oh, and by the way, only 2 drinks on a date .... that is huge! Congratulations!! I have been following your progress, and it seems like things really are changing for you!

Okay, so my last week was still 25mg, and was a few units less than the week before (36 units, vs. 41 last week.) However, I think that was due to circumstance over Nal. A few nights my husband was watching, so I stopped at 4-5 units, other nights we were with friends and I got up to 7 units.

I did notice that I always want access to "one more", even if I don't drink it. Several nights on vacation I poured one more drink that could be disguised as water, and put it next to the bed, almost as a safety net or a security blanket. Then I didn't drink it, but I was happy to know it was there. It will be interesting to notice over time how much of this is habit and how much is actual craving.

Another thing I notice is that I get really, really tired when drinking with Nal. More so than drinking without. So I wonder if any decrease in drinking is simply because at a certain point I fall asleep (or some might say "pass out!" )

On Tuesday, I increased my dose to 50mg, and on Wednesday I had an AF day. This is pretty normal for me. I often have an AF day (even without Nal) after many days of heavy drinking. I was up to at least a month in a row, and I had just gotten home, so I just didn't feel like drinking. It did cross my mind many times throught the evening, but since I had not taken the Nal AND I didn't have anything decent to drink in the house, I just went to bed.

So, here's another dilemma. I am very much wanting to get back in shape. I am not in terrible shape, just not where I once was (jeans are tight, NOT happy about swimsuit season...) After kids and some sports injuries and, let's be honest, too many hangovers, I have not been working out like I once did and it shows. I just ordered an extreme workout program recommended by some friends (P90X, if anyone has seen the infomercial) and plan to start within the next few days.

I wonder if more working out will naturally reduce my drinking, and if that will negate the background work the Nal is doing? I don't want to wait another year to start exercising, but I also don't want to slow down the progress I should have with TSM. Am I overthinking it? I suppose I should just get on with life as I would anyway, drink when I want to (with Nal, of course) and see what happens? Another thing to discuss with my doctor at my next appointment.

Okay, I gotta run. The kids are begging for breakfast and it is aleady time for lunch. (And I am anxiously awaiting my "Mom of the Year" award.)

Not sure about it reducing your cravings, but there's pretty much no downside to working out. The book recommends waiting until the Nal is out of your system (since exercise also creates an endorphin response), but a bunch of board regs work out regardless with no ill effects (you just may not get as much of a post-workout rush as you would have otherwise). Nick & DOMD spring to mind.

If nothing else, the workout time will cut into your drinking time. P90X is semi-bananas - do what you can and don't be discouraged if you can't keep up in the beginning. It's also a pretty big time commitment - an hour or so, 6 days a week. That said, you _will_ see results with it if you stick to it. Having something else to concentrate on vs. just drinking may be a help for you.

(I was doing plain Power 90 w/ very good results, got sick, fell off the wagon, will be hopping back on the P90X wagon at some point).