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 Post subject: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 9:39 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:11 pm
Posts: 48
Location: Washington, DC
Even though I've spent years working on a computer designing websites, apps, etc. I still get confused on forums and have to ask my husband how to navigate through them. I read a lot and post very little here, since I blab all day on my naltrexone blog: http://adventuresoftoxicgirl.blogspot.com and I think that's unfair and poopy, so I'm posting my progress to date which unfortunately is not as exciting nor as easy and clean as I'd like it.

I ebb and flow, freak and chill, but ultimately wind up on my very own episode of The Twilight Zone around 2a.m. when I cannot sleep and anxiously wait for a visit from the naltrexone fairy who will magically transform my daily obsession with wine into a passion for something else. So far, after doing TSM for 90 days, I've had one AF day (with a tiny bit of effort) and one day of total indifference and disinterest in alcohol which burst when my husband had to go to the ER, so that day ended in 5 units.

I feel like TSM is one of those things, like death, that cannot truly be understood until you get to the other side. You can read everything on this forum, ask questions, read and reread Dr. Eskapa's book, but until that magical moment comes, I know my shadow of doubt will be clinging to me like a bad odor. I, however, will never give up the fight and I will hope for only the best. I'm also supplementing this process with anything that can reduce cravings, so I'm taking 600mg of kudzu a day.

Before naltrexone: 42-50 units per week • Week 1: 18units • Week 2: 32units • Week: 3: 39units • Week: 4: 49units • Week 5: 32units • Week: 6: 25units • Week 7: 27units • Week 8: 28units • Week 9: 34units, 1 AF day. • Week 10: 42units • Week 11: 44units • Week 12: 39 • Week 13: 42

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AdventuresofToxicGirl.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 10:26 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:07 pm
Posts: 929
Looks like someone's honeymoon ended and also looks like someone's experiencing an extinction burst. You're not the only one who professes patience, all the while secretly hoping to be the occasionally one who floats blissfully down for that soft landing after 12 weeks or so. Thanks for sharing and keep the faith. The odds are with you.


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 8:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 19, 2009 2:17 pm
Posts: 1793
Yes, your experience is classic TSM. First, there is the honeymoon where you think you are cured after a couple of weeks of disinterest. Been there, done that. I still laugh when I read my post from that time -- "There is a magic pill, I know it! I'm cured already!" A few weeks later and I was singing the blues about my drastic uptick in drinking, i.e., the "extinction burst" (search it and read it -- it happens to almost all of us who ultimately succeed with the method).

CHILL! Why? Because I've read every post here and can't recall one person who experienced the honeymoon and then the extinction burst who did not eventually declare a substantial reduction and increased control over their habit.

It will work for you -- but be patient. Think 6-12 months, not 3-4. And cut and paste your fantastic blog posts and bring them over here -- required reading for all aspiring TSMers.

My best,

Nick

_________________
Pre-TSM:50+wk/hangovers/blackouts/bad behavior
Regained Control wk36
Now:<20/wk/NO hangovers/blackouts/bad behavior
(Nothing in this post should be construed as medical/legal advice. Always consult a physician before taking prescription drugs.)


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 8:30 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:39 pm
Posts: 872
darlinToxicgirl - yes, please bring some of your blogs over here. I love your writing! BTW, Kudzu is an herb that INCREASES the effects of alcohol. It is supposed to do that so you will feel drunker faster & thus not drink as much. At least, that's what the ancient Chinese thought...I took it a couple of years ago religiously and found those effects to be true. FYI

_________________
Began TSM 2/09 ave 35 - 50 units/wk
Months 6 - 12 @ 100mgs
2/10 Dropped to 50mgs; units same
4/10 stopped NAL & started BAC thru River
6/10 up to 120 mgs BAC w/ MAJOR SEs
7/10 titrating off BAC
8/10 starting Topamax w/ Dr.


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 5:20 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:37 am
Posts: 113
Location: East Coast USA
TG,

Don't freak out. When I started I had a good honeymoon period and then because of the vacations and other issue they went up by the time November rolled around I was down to about 4 units average a week and I started at well over 100+ and I moved to ultra light beer because it only had 4.5% vol content vs 10% when I was drinking 3 big bottles of White Zen a day then moved to the boxed verison.

I too found a love for Dirty Martini's or any Martini it was my drink of choice during happy hour.

I will come just don't give up. Some people use Bal with NAL and find it helps them more you might want to check with them.

I ran into a snag where I ran out of NAL and went out of control for months... I'm getting back on track with the help of this forum.

Always remember Take your NAL


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 8:27 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:22 pm
Posts: 414
Location: Seattle
Toxic Girl - whenever you think you have TSM figured out, but it still aint working right, that's the time to stop thinking and just go with it. Overthinking can be a common problem for those of us who like to analyze every nuance of our progress and draw various conclusions based on our understanding of the situation thus far. But our understanding can be clouded when we are still in the grips of alcohol addiction, and thus our conclusions are not always based on the totality of the evidence.

If you go back to my (or Nick's) early posts, you can see how many times we had it all figured out, and at times we did have some things accurately figured out, but learning must always leave room for learning yet to come. It'll drive you to drink I tell ya!

TSM does indeed work for the majority of us, and based on your honeymoon pattern, it's likely to work for you. Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way to get there.

BTW: love the writing style on your blog - very entertaining :)

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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 7:06 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:53 pm
Posts: 511
Location: Massachusetts
6-12 months minimum for folks that drink more than most people realize.....

You can do it if you want to we support you....Jim


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 Post subject: Re: TOXIC GIRL CHILLING DESPITE FREAKING OUT!
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 7:44 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 21
Location: Upstate New York
I hear you, Toxic Girl. It's a waiting game, only way more annoying than waiting for the next plane when you've missed your connection.

Might we laugh at this someday? Think about it -- after many years (a couple decades, in my case) of alcohol dependence, we are nontheless quite anxious over how many days/weeks we've been waiting for extinction. Then, when our brain chemistry says it's time, IT JUST HAPPENS. Maybe after 3 months, or 6, or 12, or 15... There we are, suddenly free, looking at the vista of the next several decades of our lives ahead. Compare that period to the years of addiction behind us, and the years of freedom ahead of us.

Oh, yes, I will be laughing at my impatient Gen X mindset!! The older I get, the less it matures.

_________________
Weekly Units | Daily Max | Avg. Craving
PreTSM: ~26 | 5 | 10
Week 1: 28 | 4.5 | 7
Week 2: 22 | 5.4 | 4


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