I've have gotten responses to my weekly update about running out of NAL and the people here have been so supportive! This forum is the best, and I've never felt so included in something before.

I will just give a brief background for the new people. I started the TSM last Mother's day. I was a late starting alcoholic after a very tragic event in my life. I have a family history of drinkers, a I had high profile job and 4 kids. I went from drinking every few months to every single day and had at least 2 1.75 of wine a night. At first I was just a binge drinker, I would load up for a few days and then spend a few weeks drying out then I started drinking everynight that turned in to every morning and the it turned it to all day.

Yes, the side effects sucked in the beginning. Yes, I missed the way AL made me numb to everything. But the thing I missed the most was ME! The way it sounded when my husband said he loved me and I remembered it, the way my kids were excited because something happened and I remembered it and the way newborn grandchild coo and laughed and smiled and my son knew that I was there 100%.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS! no matter how crappy it gets, no matter what you think or how discouraged you feel. It works I was there. From 3 bottles of wine a night to 4 bottles of ultra light beer a week. Take your NAL, ask for help and on this board, never think your alone.

Em

Hi Hon,

That looks like a very small address. Can I just put USA after all that and it will get to you?

Congratulations! I'm very happy for you. I just started at the end of March. It is so encouraging to read that you're doing so well. All the best

Providence that's great! very inspiring. Do you consider yourself cured then? and how come your weekly units in your sig are more than the 2 bottles of beer a week? did you stop updating the sig? ROCK ON!

Providence is going through a very rough time - from the success on TSM to having everything fall apart, no money to support the cost of the meds & thus falling back. See her progress thread to see her story. She is being very vague & diplomatic here. But what a success story & testament to how it works when it works and does not work if you're not working it!

XO

Dear All at first I was going to put this in my progress and I still will but I wanted new people and people who are having a hard time to see this.

Today in the mail I rcvd NAL from BGH. I got some from Houtx and there is one that I have to sign for but I'm sure I know where it's from. That gives me 6 weeks to get it together. In the worse case it give me and Mr. P enough time to save up and not worry about this part of our life. People here have offerred me support, money, prayers, and encouragement. I am humbled.

After going through 2 days of hell (see my weekly update) and 6 months of shame some will ask then why drink, why take NAL. Here is my answer:

I will be a good for a few days, I will not drink and I will have a normal life like everyone else who says "you just need to stop all that drinking"... and if it was that easy I wouldn't be an alcoholic because once the drinking stops being "fun, relaxing, one or 2 after work, a little wine with dinner" it becomes your life and something tiggers it and the little voice says just one or two you've got it under control or you find yourself in front of a store and though you hate yourself your mind is telling you why it's okay or how you can hide because you need this, that's when the little F*ck-it voice goes off in your head. Next thing you know your passed out everynight, your life is a wreck, if you are lucky you still have a spouse, job, home, car etc....

So you wake up with shakes, you go to AA, rehab, therapy, family intervention (I could keep going) and if you are lucky you are one of the 5% who will do it (the firstime) if you aren't you keep trying over and over and if and when you fail you beat your mind, soul and heart to death because your crap and not strong enough. But if you are reading this site you've checked every internet site out trying to find an answer and this was mine.

When your an employed drunk you start putting your ATM card in for cash so your partner doesn't notice, if your alone it feels better that the guy across the counter doesn't really know your name. You find several stores to buy from so it only looks like your buying every few days that's not so bad is it?.... You hide it in your garage or mask it as something else.
When your an unemployed drunk you feel guilt because you know that 14.00 every few days is wrong but you do it or you cut down to just a six pack but you wake the next and the little F*ck-it voice says "oh ****".

I know what it's like to have a high paying, high profile job (which no I didn't lose to drinking) and I know what it's like to pawn one of the most wonderful pcs of jewerly I have ever owned not only to drink but to make my life what I thought it was suppose to be or even to survive. I know what it's like to give up everything because the person who you wake up with is worth more than what you own, or the friends you have at that time.

Tonight I can tell Mr. P that though I didn't drink today, I might one day (soon tough week next week), He will find AGAIN the Mrs. P he fell deeply in love with and never leaves her side. And that AGAIN we will get a place where a 30 day of NAL will last us for 6 months and not 25 days because I had to double up. And that AGAIN he will not find me drunk, taking money out of his wallet and cashing in change because I stayed so drunk for 3 months I didn't remember doing it.

If you are spouse, please let me tell you - no man in his right man would do this for a women and everytime I dry out and it hurts so bad that I can stand up he tells me he's sorry. Even when he tells me he going to leave me, he stays with me because I'm worth but he tells me that he's worth it too. Even before I was a drunk I wasn't an easy women, but even drunk I always try and take care of him. His saying to me is "He loved her for almost everything she was and that was enough for her to let him stay for a very long time" BTW his name is David.

Before things got rough I had days and weeks of being AF, I never thought about it. In fact I forgot I had a drinking problem. I was me again because I knew if the little voice went off, I could shut it up and move on. Will it be a lifetime of NAL sure but if you make it to your goal if it's a few a day, once a week, once a month, once a year or never again.... It's better than where you started? All the sudden I forgot I was an alcoholic and I was more important than the bottle.

Today I went to my mailbox and I cried because people I didn't know cared and understood that more than the ones I know and for the first time in months I have hope.

Emerald (Providence)
sorry if my grammer is off but it's hard to type when your crying.

Wow, what a story, Em! All I can say is that most of us have been there - I can remember one day years and years ago when my kids were 10 and 7 - it was moving day - moving out of one s--thole to another, with a man who was not worthy of us, I was so drunk I curled up on the porch and they had to drag me into the car to leave. I even lost my deposit on that place because the carpet was soaked when the new people moved in the next day because we had been so drunk when we shampooed the carpets that we really screwed up and did not do it the right way.

So, my dear girl, I'm right there with you. These days I'm sober, nicely retired, married to a great guy, my children are all grown up and love their ole Mum after all I put them through. Please keep doing your best to take the nal when you need to - you'll be back in no time.

Don't be discouraged - you are on your way again!!

The most treasure I want in a year (or however long it takes) is an old rumbled up foiled wrapper paper pill that someone sent me, and I can say "No matter how far I made it, I will hold on to you, I will take you everywhere" and then take the hand of Mr. P, walk our dogs and go get ice cream with the grandkids and one day when we are very old forget we knew each other because losing each other would to us be worse than death....

I've been married 3 times. The first one died, the second one was the worse thing ever spit out a vagina (sorry about that picture in your mind) and the 3rd... not matter how pissed I get at him (because is not perfect) was there for me BEFORE and AFTER I had a problem.

Had you (but you would not have because I didn't drink and there was TSM) known me you would have thought "what a bitch". I became a better person, not just because of Mr. P but because of my kids, (sometimes) my family and because after a lot of loss in my life, I found grace.

BTW B - I never clean the carpets - those machines and I never get along and they always win.....

Providence