Hi everyone,
It’s been a while since I’ve posted my progress. For me, it’s hard to talk about my progress when I’m not sure at times if I’m really making any. But I do continue to read here often which keeps me hopeful and encouraged. At about 5 ½ weeks in, I think (I hope) I’m probably right where I should be.
During my first week on TSM, I dropped from my pre-TSM level of 70+ a week to 53. Week 2, 63. Week 3, 68. Week 4, 60. Week 5, 53. This week has been bad for me (as far as drinking) - I’m already up to 60 and still the weekend ahead of me - yeesh.
But I do recognize why this week has been tough for me - I’ve been working from home most days because I have a guy here doing some extensive plaster work in my bedroom, so not only am I home (more opportunity to drink) but my house is in disarray (had to clear the entire bedroom) which always stresses me out and I’m “camping out” in the living room at night (sleep deprivation). And to top it off, my hubby has been out of town for the past couple days, which also leaves me stressed and deprived of sleep (among other things). And - at the risk of sounding like I’m throwing a pity party for myself - work has been crazy busy AND we had to terminate an employee (which always makes me feel like sh*t) AND we are relocating one of our offices (more disarray and expense).
Stress is obviously a trigger for me! And some of the stressors I’m crabbing about were instigated by me.
But here are the really good things: I feel much more in control of myself when I’m drinking and it takes me probably twice as long to finish a drink now than it did prior to TSM. I haven’t been blacking out or forgetting conversations. I haven’t started one of those stupid drunken fights with my husband or my kids since starting TSM. I’m not fearful of social situations that involve alcohol consumption, as I sometimes was before TSM. I’m starting new projects - the bedroom re-do, the office relocation - and I’m getting back into the things that I was passionate about before alcohol took over my life - my business, my family, writing, exercising, music, reading, even just (corny as it may sound) getting outside and enjoying the “re-birth” that is Spring in my corner of the world. I may cry over what I think of as so many “lost” years, but I look forward to the future, whereas before I could barely see past the bottle in front of me. Sounds pretty cheesy I’m sure, but the future used to be black and I didn’t see myself in it.
Ok, that’s enough. I’m a little long-winded I guess. Many thanks to all of you. I can’t even express how much I’m rooting for all of you, all of us.
mermaid