3/6/2010 Hi everyone…I have not posted on the forum for over 4 months but I thought I should check back in and give an update in case others are / do go through what I have. I have been reading sporatically so I know the major things that have happened on the forum but not many of the new faces...feels a little strange to post (especially since WTE will not reply - hello and best of luck to you WTE if you still lurk
).
To summarize my journey with TSM: I have had issues with alcohol since I was 13 (I am now 44)…after I had kids 9 years ago I went from a binge drinker to a daily wine drinker. I was up to ¾+ a bottle a wine a night using control and drank more than that on the weekends. I started TSM a year ago (3/6/2009) and had a very easy go of it at first, I think. I immediately felt the Nal difference and had a long honeymoon. I was cured around the 4 month mark (or thought I was)…then I reverted. I'm not sure what happened and at this point any speculation is pointless. If it's easier to think I wasn't cured the first time around, that's fine with me...the bottom line is my drinking was under control and then it went back to pre-sinclair levels. I don't know of anyone else on this particular board that this has happened to and I hope I am an anomaly in this respect. Getting back to where I was has been a long haul.
I decided to get a prescription for Nal instead of online meds to rule out any possibility that it was the medication causing the issue. I started on my script 9/24/2009. It is now 23 weeks later…and my nightly drinking is FINALLY once again under control. Two weeks I had a 7.5 unit week...last week was an AF week with absolutely no thought other than 'wow, isn't life wonderful without alcohol'. The weeks prior were low teens I think. We even had people over 2 weekends ago and I had 1 glass of wine the whole time, totally by choice, with no thoughts of having more. Amazing. I still occassionaly drink too much in new situations outside the house, but not as bad as before and I expect to extinguish in those areas as well as time goes by (we don’t go out that much).
This was a huge struggle of faith this time around to get here. At one point, my husband said he didn't think it was working and that is probably the most crushing thing we all can hear. But, I’m stubborn so I kept with it regardless. I guess after a year of this, it’s hard for someone not in my skin to trust anything, but even though I was still drinking a lot I knew something was different on the Nal. I’m so glad I stuck with it. I will not use the word cured again, it’s just very irrelevant I think and a slippery slope in terms of how I approach drinking in new situations. I’m happy. That is more important. And I am more present for my kids and my husband. I don’t know that I’ve ever been 100% present, but I feel like I’m definitely moving in that direction for the first time.
I think it's important to note that it took me a year to get here…and my drinking levels were not astronomical to start with. I do think the number of years you have been abusing your body with alcohol comes into play with the TSM timeline. Maybe more so than number of drinks per week. Also, I did see the thread on wine drinkers – I am almost exclusively a wine drinker. And I have a half bottle of wine in my cupboard that is 3-4 weeks old…no desire to finish it. Have not even thought about buying wine at the supermarket in about a month. So...TSM works for wine lovers as well.
I’d also like to mention some positive things I have been doing. I have taken up yoga and exercising. I love both – I look forward to planning out my exercise adventure each day. I just feel great. I also started taking St. John’s Wort a few months ago. I had some freebee Lexapro pills from my psychiatrist and I took 2 ½ pills and just couldn’t do it. I am so glad I found SJW instead. I have never felt like this before (I’ve had mild depression since childhood). Tiny things like going ice skating and roller skating with my kids which are so inconsequential to others are HUGE milestones in my life. I now look forward to doing these things. Anyway – if someone out there is looking for help with depression but is leary of the side effects from medications, I would encourage you to give SJW a try for a month. (Previously I had some improvement with SAMe but it was nowhere near the effect of SJW and I have since learned it can cause some issues with anxiety if you take too much.) I really didn’t know what it meant not to be depressed until I tried SJW. Life is full of possibilities now, I’m very calm and happy these days.
Thank you to everyone on this site - especially RV, Lena & Nick - for keeping the information flowing. Without TSM I don’t think I would have found my way to where I am now.
Thank you and good luck to you all!
~Happy
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