Reading you Jim, and yes, I can write more, but for now, Yes, I just received an email stating my divorce is on hold for one more year, now this is after being served papers in late 08. So yes, there is hope. You know I am in a very similar boat as you, so stay focused, ART

Thanks ART,

I appreciate the words, everyone's words. During this season of joy, its just too bad.

Some good news!

I had 1 martini and 1 bud light last night. That was it. That's the least I've had in a drinking session since starting ( and it was semi effortless....well... I fell asleep), but I woke up and have just been reading and happy.

I always have difficulty sleeping when I don't drink which that to me is not drinking.

I'm determined to continue on this path with my friends here.

I saw on Wikipedia Sinclair page that in can take from 3-15 months. I say that as some of our friends are getting pretty fed up at 9 month or more mark. I just thought that I would throw that out there. Another thing I found on that page which I think has been expressed here already:

"Project Combine, the largest controlled clinical trial in the alcoholism treatment field, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in May, 2006, has shown "that while naltrexone was effective in its own right, combining it with the specialized counseling added no more effectiveness than naltrexone by itself" according to Dr. Raymond Anton, the coordinator for the trial."

So why in the hell do they want this to get out for...I understand the suppression. It would be like cheap or free energy. It would tilt the world off its axis (figuratively speaking obviously) if we were able to take a freaking pill with no help from anyone.(well a free TSM board with some of the best minds on the planet)? The addiction industry (I realize this has been stated) would lose billions. Hell, who would watch "Intervention" anymore?

Use the format of Monty Python as a back drop for this sketch: Lets call it "Waiting for disaster"

"We are here today watching Lo0p take his Baclofen and Naltrexone. He seems happy and is in good spirits and is AF for now but lets just wait and see. He's off to work out and is successfully working as a manager. Well lets just wait and see..2 weeks later,...hmmmmm

Up comes Firebird and Springrider. They've decided to NOT DRINK today. They are engaging in a conversation about FLY FISHING! Why no obsession about booze and how it never goes away...the damn monkey." Meanwhile the sponsors pull the funding and its the worst show since Friends. (just my opinion ) The monkey's in the corner sleeping soundly. People live happily ever after.

I'm off to get some nectar of the Gods, Coffee. Anyone wanna come for a mug? Best, JIm

Sorry Jim don't want to hijack your thread but YEAH ART!! Excellent news about the divorce.

Jim hang in there your wife didn't love you she wouldn't still be around. When you worried about someone and you feel helpless you do and say things you really don't mean. My opinion for what it's worth.


corkit

Thanks Corkit,


I visited my shrink today to get my Nal and she was trying to also "treat" me with serotonin whatever,..y'know,...Paxil, Prozac, Lexapro etc etc...."We need to treat the underlying reason for your alcoholism." Maam sometimes there is no reason...I'm a garden variety alkie! It really CAN be that simple.

I think she gets off on "THE POWER OF THE PAD"....

I said nah,..haven't been drinking. (lie) except for a few times (lie)....but truth as you all know, last night I had 1 martini and 1 beer. A record for a drinking session. And with no urge to start up again once I awoke from my nap.....

I think the pot for me is acting similar to Baclofen. Making me sleepy and amplifying the effects of AL. I'm not real comfortable with the effects of Pot as it can be overwhelming at about the 30-45 minute mark. I think most would refer to this as creeper dope.

I try and not smoke daily as I didn't last night. And I truly want to stop that as well once I'm cured. My goal is not substitution but abstinence or severe moderation. Again, I NEVER really used pot and at 44 soon to be 45, I'm not obsessing about it and in fact, my shrink wasn't even bothered too much by it, she just said she would rather me not be smoking and use some big pharmaceutical that will pay her way to Barbados for a conference medication. BEst, Jim

Hey Jim

What can they never understand about I drink when I'm happy mad sad or glad or when I'm with someone or by myself. I myself smoke some weed mabye 7 or so times a year. It makes TV fun and whats the worst thing I'm going to do laugh to hard and steal cupcake from 7-11 at the worst. Thats awsome with 2 drinks.

Thanks Crown,

Yeah I agree about the weed. I haven't had any since the Monday night but here's the kicker.

I stepped it up a notch last night. Backing off the martini to a glass full of rocks, and 4 ounces of vodka. And 1 Bud light. I had to use my NA beer bottle next to the glass so as to fool the Mrs, but if it takes that to get cured, so be it. She does have other good qualities if I overlook the judgmental behavior. The top of the year remains to be seen for us. My 80 year old mother arrives tonight and I promised her I wouldn't drink before picking her up. I said I wouldn't although I am stopping by a friends b-day party. Honestly, I may be able to do that and if I must, just have 1 beer at the party.

So that's three days in a row of drastically reduced drinking.

Lo0P, I'm sorry I was not actively keeping a diary. Nothing would make me happier to see it on a graph, but the hiding precluded me early on TSM when I was gulping out of the vodka bottle to "get there". It's a shame but maybe I can be the example of not counting as there are a few of us here......

Regardless, I slept well, about 9 hours on and off....Oh yes and one other thing

I read with horror the "Aversion Therapy". I came up with something that I think has helped in my drastically reduced units this past week. I'll dub it "Exhaustion Therapy".

The way it worked for me was to sleep very little (i.e. 4-5 hours) the first day(Monday). I did that by going to bed after my normal 6-8 units at 12 or 1 AM but forcing myself up at 5-6 AM. Not going back to sleep. By the time evening came I was exhausted but I didn't take a nap. I went and worked out. Upon return, I had my martini (8-9 ounce vodka) and 1 beer. It knocked me out cold. By the time I came to, it was 2-3 AM. Normally early on TSM or pre TSM I would've knocked back a few to get back to sleep. I used little will power or my new favorite phrase "Conscious intent" from PV, and said, my goal is stop the madness, lets relax and go to bed and either read or stare at the ceiling. I did a little of both. Eventually i fell asleep again but I had already slept 4-5 hours, so the additional 2-3 was enough to make it to the next day. Repeat same episode, and this has gone on for three days with last night being yet another milestone. One thing though, I slept considerably more, so I feel like a newborn today. Sometimes that backfires on the booze, but I will meditate on my goals (less drinking) and the fact that I have to pick up my mom at 10 PM. That should at least get me till 11 PM. Pre TSM, good luck mom, I'll keep it to 6-8 drinks....

Wish me luck guys, just want everyone to know I am very happy (and congrads PV that's awesome), Much peace and happiness, Jim

Hi Everybody,

Just wanted to catch y'all up on my situation since I've been dormant.

It was simply because I had little to say and felt as though I was a broken record (wife problems, no changes in behavior etc). But,..coming back I realize how much I've missed everybody. I've just spent the last 1-2 hours catching up and all I can say is wow. The community seems as strong as ever,..all kinds of new cats floating around.....Old timers giving out doses of hope to newcombers....If there is a place on the web that exhibits more love than this,..show me....God its good to be back, but here's the better news. I'm getting better. I posted last night yes I was buzzed, but 4-5 units at 2.30 AM was not a possibility. Remembering everything,...

My friend recently had a relapse. I begged him to get some NAL (I sent him the book too) and he has been doing 25 mg and it has been having immediate effects. As I said on the other post, this supports my theory (well maybe its not mine but I didn't read it anywhere) that NAL could be the perfect relapse drug, ESPECIALLY after long sobriety. I think, because the neural pathways haven't become superhighways (in my case it took 3-6 months to become full blown alcoholic again), the NAL shuts down the rewards and you begin having immediate success. At least that's been the case with him and he was a 24 hour a day type. Now he's pouring wine back in the bottle, maybe 2 units. I will keep you posted as to his progress.

Anyways, back to me. Next month is an important anniversary month as it was 10 years ago that I crashed my car going down the highway having passed out at the wheel. Killed nobody (unless I'm dead and this is some sort of a purgatory,...I'm Catholic, albeit not practicing,..but I do like the concept,...purgatory...ya kinda get a second shot up in at the pearlies, St Pete telling ya how you screwed up and prepping you for the big house with Ghandi and such...) and the following year and few months sort of had a few days, weeks, month sober, drunk wash rinse repeat,...until June of the next year where I achieved AA style sobriety for 4.5 years. I accidentally drank a Gin and TOnic thinking it was soda and lime...anyways I've already told that story...but you get the point, I was set up for failure because of the AA stance that its all or none...NAL has lifted that HUGE weight off my shoulder. And the best news is as I posted last night,...the glimmers as you call them are coming. The allure I once had is waning and I am feeling the alcoholic depression lifting..I want to compose again, my studio which was a pig sty is now tidy and neat and streamlined. My abs aren't much to look at but maybe I'll post a pic of the studio.

Anyways long story medium long,...I'm happy and excited again. New folks welcome I've read most of your posts....I love em......Much love to all, Jim Clark

Nice to see ya back Jim

It's so nice to have you back, Jim. Isn't waiting the hardest part of all of this? I'm glad you're seeing results and there's more on the way!

Take care and don't be a stranger
corkit

Hey guys,

A quick progress report.

I went to a concert tonight, ordered a beer, stared at the beer calmly for 40 minutes (I took the NAL when I arrived), sipped it for the next 45 to an hour, had aNOTHER ONE OVER ANOTHER hour and drove calmly home.

I am now home its 2 AM and I did pour a vodka, to be honest. So that makes about 4 units over 5-6 hours. Gone are the days of a pint in my pocket, hopefully not getting too drunk on the way home.

I will not say I am cured anytime soon as I don't feel I am but in the beginning stages. I'm hoping that 3 more months or so. I want to note though, the hangovers are seemingly history as I have only suffered but 6 or so hangovers since starting......but i'm back....

My friend had 2 glasses of wine tonight and is ecstatic. His relapse is still in check....and I quote,..He finds his new nonchalance about drinking liberating....like walking out of prison and being handed a glass of wine......said in the voice of William S. Burroughs, "Natrexone when used according as directed is like a good cop,...showing up at your late night party,...rather than arresting everybody and dragging them downtown,,,,,,simply says "hey I enjoyed a good party back in my day...if if you can keep it down and keep it safe, just enjoy yourselves."

Now go out and get "Cities of the Red Night"

Anyways,...I'm a very happy man and my marriage is on the mend....nothing is perfect but going uphill at a fast jog....Have a good night (or morning...I'm a vampire as you probably have realized)....Much Love,
Jim