Thank-you all for the support and nice comments.

The ex is now under investigation so who knows what will happen. But they are going thru custody and visitaion right now and her lawyer said there IS NO WAY he will get any visitaion...YEAH.

I remained AF monday teusday and wednsday and had 1 tonight..monday was little hard af but not too bad..old habits die hard I guess.I still can't beleive this. The old me - ya never drink when there is a major problem or crisis or it will make a bad situation worse. I still cant beleive I stuck by my philosophy...it's been years. Seems like the newer philophsy was if life throws any curve F-it and get smashed. GOD IT FEELS GOOD. The anger I was feeling it would have been so easy prior to TSM to go overboard and be a ranting raving whiskey drunk madman.

Funny, I made a majito tonight and I do make a damn good one...get compliments all the time..very labor intensive drink mint lime sugar muddle muddle crushing the ice..LOL I would make my friends one and be like watch how I do it your on your own for number 2. I got the point for myself hmmm make the drink or just bang 2 shots of rum...ahh bang the shots of rum its way faster and ya get the buzz faster thats the point anyways right the buzz? Tonight as I was making my drink I looked at the shot glass thought about it for a minute and was like hmmm started to laugh and finished making the drink. I actually enjoyed the drink and drank it so slow and was suprised how slow I drank it. I figured for sure i would have 2-3 so left the ingrdients on the counter. Damn I stopped on one and cleaned up the counter...still cant beleive it...one and done...LOL almost felt like what a waste of NAltrexone..LOL not a waste though I know.


In my family I have always played the role of big brother to my sister and a few cousins. I was always the go-to guy when **** hit the fan. My drinking definitly killed that, my cousin who was like a brother was dumfounded how bad I fell apart..like his mentor was F'd up. I can not put into words how good it feels to be there for my family when in need and truly be there 110%. I know I have said this a hundred times but THANK_YOU GOD FOR TSM.

Week ending January 16th
Total units 12 - wow under the US saftey recomendation - Miracle

Today marks 2 months on TSM and I can not be more happy with the results. Rough week life wise with my sister's ex husband being put under investigation for molesting his 4 year old daughter, my neice. Man o man can you say anger. But the biggest thing that happened that I completely attribute to TSM, kind of had nothing to do with drinking in way. When I found out all the crap that had happened to my neice my mind in a nano-second went - DO NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT. I was like what the hell did my inner voice just yell at me? I couldn't beleive it, it was my old mind, pre-alcoholic drinking, starting to think and take charge again. I always had a rule and that was Never Ever drink in a bad situation it would always make it worse.

But when I was drinking like a madman that went out the window for a new rule and the bottle became my inner voice " Oh my god. what just happened?..need a drink...oh my god your happy..need a drink...oh my god youre sad...need a drink". The new rule became when anything bad happened you didn't just drink you drink to black-out. Reminds when I was single and I would be trying to pick a girl up in bar and they would always at some point say damn you drink a lot. I would repond, you really think so? I really only drink when I am with someone or by myself. They would laugh but the sad reality it was the truth.

I have really started to notice my sane rational mind coming back, slowly but coming. Work wise I have quite a few irons in the fire and have the drive and motivation and that fire in the belly again. I am self employed so I know others that are self employed know what I mean here. I havent had it for soo long...damn it feels good.

Slow week for alcohol but a major week in rational thinking returning.

12 units? 12 (twelve)?

Week 9 ending Jan 23
Units 25

Another great week it just keeps getting better and better. I went out Friday night with a big group of friends. I had a total of 7 drinks over 5 hours and two of those were shots and the rest beer. The shots were major. The first round ole macho me cant say no...lol it made me queasy..the second round of shots an hour later got me. Damn it was embarrassing...my mouth started to water, stomach rumble, eyes watering, the valcano was set to blow. I had to literally run to the bathroom in a niteclub and thank god I made it and thank god the the stall with the porcelian thrown was open. Can you say embarrassed..LOL I was sober. Drunk I did way more unspeakable things when out than, this but sober it's not much fun and highly embarrassing. When The thrird round came...I was like NO F-ing WAY and refused and left it on the bar. I am 100% convinced TSM has destroyed my love affair with straight liquor. I can truly say it will be a cold day in hell before I have a shot again.

The rest of the week was 3 beers a day before during and after dinner. I am 100% convinced this is out of habit not neccessity meaning it's like I am hanging on to alcohol like ok bitch who's kicking who's ass now. I am now going to see how many AF days I can string together. I have no more beer in the house and have no plan to buy any. Funny and I dont have that OMG I am out of beer..I NEED to get my butt to the store. I always had a 30 pack in the house always - was as essential as toliet paper. Beer is also not tasting so good any more. maybe 20% of the time I enjoy a cold one or two but that's it, they are becoming not so enjoyable. The feeling of drinking to get drunk is definitly gone about 90% of the time. The 10% left Naltrexone kills the getting wasted part. With my no beer thing, and this is what I love about TSM, I am not going to kill myself. Meaning if the urge is there so what..take Nal wait an hour and have one. I was primarily a straight whiskey drinker with beer on the side. Nal has killed my love of whiskey I am slowly seeing this happen with beer. I never really drink wine so...don't have that to kill.

Major milestone - Some will think this is dumb to me it's huge. I was talking on the phone the other day and noticed I had 2 half gallons of Crown on my kitchen counter. I bought these the day before starting TSM. One was full the other 3/4 of the way full....I ACTUALLY PUT these bottles in the liquor cabinet thinking I have it for quests. DAMN 2 MONTHS AND JUST SITTING ALMOST UNTOUCHED. A half gallon would last 1.5 days on a bender and the bender 3 days - why I always bought two half gallons. I always left my whiskey on the kitchen counter..like a loaf of wonder bread or a fruit basket...why put away whats going to be promptly used. I wonder if Crown Royal has an expiration date?

Other major thing I have fully come to terms with my own definition of what is sobriety. I am done comparing it to what was engrained in me from AA in my youth and abstinence. Who knows maybe Naltrexone and TSM will kill beer..I don't care one bit. I really don't care either way - it has gotten me off liquor. I am no longer out of control and can stop when I want. I remember reading what Firebird wrote about in control and at the helm. That is how I am feeling. Honestly, if this is as good as it got for the rest of my life on TSM, it's lifelong committment to me - I am married to TSM - I would be totally satified. Alcohol is no longer running my life, alcohol is no longer the source of serious depression, I am not doing things that are nuts and out of character. I am no longer isolated and have been meeting and making new friends and have zero worry I will be a fool. I have drive and motivation again. I have gotten involved with my new dog in something I always wanted to do - advanced obiedence trainign to become a therapy dog. When my mom was sick the hospice volunteers used to visit quite frequently. I always wanted to be able to give back but drinking the way I was no way. Work is going pretty damn good now that I have applied myself again. The biggest most single thing I think I have these days that I have not had in soo long - peace of mind. This is truly the best gift from TSM

I am not saying I am cured..I honestly don't know what to call it but I'll take it. I know this, the thought of where I was a few months ago and the thought of ever going back to that scares the hell out of me. I feel so bad for all the people TSM has not worked for. I pray for you guys and gals. I often think there but the grace of God go I.

Thanks so much for sharing this. SOOOOOO Happy for you!!!!

Awesome and uplifting report. Love it!

WOW - Crown, so happy for you!

You know your an alcoholic when your trashman comments

Had to share this was too funny. I was up at like 6:30am..getting the trash out that I should have put out last night just in the nick of time as the truck was pulling up and I had to give them a check for the service. Living in a rural beach town everyone is super friendly and I have to pay for the trash service - not taken care of thru the county...lol took getting used to after moving from a major metropolitian area. Anyways, I was BS'ing with the trash man and he said to me "whats up buddy no parties anymore?" I said what do you mean? He said "since you been living here for the last year or so everyweek it's the same every week- 3 trash cans full of beer and whisky bottles and I have seen you passed out on your porch in the rocker many times when it was warmer out." He then jokingly said " I was going to ask if I could stop by one night for the party...thought mabye you were running a bar out of here. But it looks like mabye the county shut you down no more bottles and cans. You can tell a lot by a persons trash." He belly laughed and so did I.

crown86 I had to comment because that was just too funny . Wow, I wonder if our trashman is thinking the same thing about us?

corkit

So true. I used to be so embarrassed to put our tub of glass recycling out to the curb - it was full to overflowing with wine bottles. Now a there's like one or two and a few juice bottles rolling around in the bottom of almost empty tub.