Jumping In From California

houtx770 · **Joined:** Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:32 pm **Posts:** 109

oh gawd kris -
Don't fall victim to the power of suggestion! LOL But it was fun hearing from the sistuhs here. This will be our little campfire, ay girls? Let the skirts fly as we freefall?? Talk about our triggers, progress, setbacks, etc??

I'd like that - I am going thru menopause, am single (looking pretty good for my age tho, I think), surfing the sites, having MAJOR hotflashes, trying to improve my swing, 20 yrs. as a middle school teacher (enough to inject chardonnay directly into my bloodstream), 2 teenagers who live nearby w/ their dad...trying to get over a man I love who has a complicated life and needed his space, have friends and relatively happy - but spend alot of time alone...doing things...but alone. I do love my solitude and entertain myself well, but since my divorce 3 years ago my drinking has really progressed & I am concerned about my health & everything else. It has been hard even cutting down on my own...it is a habit and a comfort and I really don't want to break it...just want to take it or leave it. I have underlying emotional issues like everyone else, but I truly think I am just flat addicted to alcohol at this point.

My family was dysfunctional no more than anyones else's...well, maybe a tad more, but still. I have gone thru all that and really think I am done with therapy. yawn. I have a substance abuse problem.

So lots of hope hanging in the balance. I have had my melting make-up moments...and more. We are in this together and I love it that women from all around the globe are here w/ the same ****. Life is good, but I hope will be better! :-)

Krazy1 · **Posted:** Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:06 pm

Well...I AM enjoying some Bloody Mary's - it's been a nice change from my favorite - BEER! I've not been able to enjoy that as much ever since having to hide my drinking. Too many bottles and cans/evidence to hide. At least I've come clean with my husband, but the kids still don't know. I'll wait until the time is right, and am ALMOST always able to keep myself from drinking enough on AM days for them to notice. Easier and safer (no driving) to drink at night when everyone's sleeping.

I just stayed with my Mom for a few days, and was shocked to see what's happened to her in just he past year. I knew she had some issues with her back (spinal stenosis), but I didn't know she was in pain every time she moved! Going out to run some errands in bad weather was TERRIFYING to me! Between the sleet, her cane, and praying she didn't fall, I was worn out quickly. The worst part by far was that she couldn't remember things - that I'd said, or that we'd done, just a few hours later. Really freaked me out, because I wasn't expecting this to happen so early - she's only 77. I was so heartbroken, so drank a lot after she went to bed. She lives alone a few hours from everybody, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet. She really shouldn't be living alone, and I wish she had some friends.

Anyhow, it's nice to know others who can relate to hot flashes and the other challenges of growing older as a woman. Today I had a follow-up from a bad mammogram, and almost fainted from the pain of the redo on the x-rays! The ultrasound just showed a cyst again, so all is good.

I'm drinking to us all - here's to recovery, and the fun we'll have getting there. Thanks for being here, and for your continuing support. You make me smile!

Goin4More · **Posted:** Thu Apr 02, 2009 9:17 am

Amazing there are so many of us 50-ish menopausal chardonnay drinking women, eh? I LOL when you said you quit beer b/c of the problem with hiding empties! My SO and I have been together a year, and for the first six months I didn't want him to realize how much wine I drank in a day. Though we drank together, I would 'sneak' to the fridge to have a refill. . .hide the extra empty bottle in the middle of the trash, surrounded by soft stuff. . .or in the laundry room trash. . .you know the drill. Then one day I went to get something from his truck, and saw the back extended portion was filled with empty beer cans. It seems he'd pop a few cans on his commute home from work. Another time he went looking for one of the dogs that had run off, and I realized he'd 'secretly' taken a can of beer on the mission.

Then, when I mentioned I wanted to do TSM, he said he'd like to join me - that's when I fully realized we both have about the same level of drinking problem. Here I'd been feeling guilty about tempting him to drink more than he used to. . .and it turns out he's been a heavy drinker himself, all along.

It's nice to have it out of the closet, and we're really enjoying 'drinking to our health.'

marbella · **Joined:** Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:50 pm **Posts:** 255

G4M- I think it's nice that you and Jake are at the same level.

My SO doesn't drink AT ALL- he never has, he just doesn't 'like it'. Gawd knows how he ended up with me.

I cannot discuss alcohol with him in any way or form, he doesn't understand. I have never mentioned TSM, but I wonder that he must wonder how all of a sudden my drinking has gone way down! I guess he just thinks it is because I am in the shop everyday and don't have 'time' for it, as if that would have ever made any difference (I sell beer and wine in the shop) ??!

Once I am confident I have this under control, I may tell him what I did- or I may never say anything- just let him think my extreme daily drunkeness was just 'a bad patch.'

Goin4More · **Posted:** Thu Apr 02, 2009 10:52 am

Marb, I don't know how you manage this w/o saying a word to your SO. Frankly, I would have found living with a total abstainer difficult. The one other man I 'dated' for a couple of months while single didn't drink at all. . .in fact, his idea of a good time was to come over and run my tractor. In our several week relationship we went out exactly one time - and that for lunch. I'm a highly social creature, and decided if I was going to be going out by myself, then I might as well BE by myself. My current - and forever - sweetheart is as social as I am - we have to rein one another in at times!

Besides, it's so nice not to have any secrets. . .

Goin4More · **Posted:** Thu Apr 02, 2009 12:22 pm

WaitingToExhale wrote:

It IS amazing how many 50ish Charders there are here!

And isn't menopause just lovely? Thankfully (or not) I had a radical hysterectomy about 6 years ago. Talk about going from 60 to zero in a few seconds! I do HRT but I can say my drinking had worsened and changed since then. We were discussing this on MWO long ago and it seems many woman were having the same issues. Without my patches I flash out of control! I just have never seemed to have the same 'excitement" for life that I used to? Still tweaking the HRT and hopefully when less drinking happens I start feeling more normal again. !

The similarities here are amazing. I also had a complete hysterectomy, nearly 6 years ago. A previous hellish experience during surgery made me very afraid, so I went under anasthesia in deep prayer. I had such an amazing experience of God's love - unspeakable. The 'aura' of that was so strong on me the next day that the nurses, doctors and other patients were all gathering in my room. . .hard to explain. But THEN. The sh*t hit the fan when my body responded to the sudden deprivation of hormones. My doctor came in my room - after spending a half hour enjoying my company the previous day - and found me weeping, angry, and ranting. A real Jeckyl/Hyde. She hollered to a nurse, "Slap a patch on this poor woman!" Which they did.

Fortunately my then husband worked for a compounding pharmacy, and I was friends with his boss. He educated my Dr. about bio-identical HR creams, and I've been happily using them ever since. While you can get them via prescription/compound pharmacy. . .you can also pick the same things up w/o a script on the internet (much cheaper). PM if you want the info.

I also experienced a dramatic increase in my drinking after the hyster. Wonder if there have been any studies on that. Robert?

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Kris: I'm SO sorry to hear about your Mom! That's tough stuff. My Mom had a stroke a few years before she passed and never regained the use of one her arms or her full balance. Thankfully my step Dad was an amazing angel in caring for her. Do you have siblings close by that can help you with her care?

My sincere sympathies. . .this is going to be a tough one for ya. . .

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houtx: Do
n't the dating sites suck ?! HA! I swear I have gone out with every frog within a 30 mile radius. Major drinking trigger for me and impossible for me to be out dating and not drink. At least it is for now. And I really get in trouble when some guy I'm seeing brings over hard liquor and then leaves it here. I had to replace one bottle 3 times because I kept on drinking it and was afraid he would be back over and notice that. BLAH!!

TFFW's! I had a small bottle of Crown Royal here, and took a shot on ice every once in awhile. Of course it only lasted a few weeks. I didn't want my SO (at the time we weren't sharing how MUCH we each drank) to know, so I replaced it on the sly. Twice. heheheheehee. (Now you know, sweetie. . .and it's empty again. . .)

Sometimes you might do a 'random act of Crown Royaling' instead of a 'random act of flowers'. . .hint, hint

Gals, don't give up on the dating sites! I PM'd each of you - can't help it, it's my 'try to fix 'em up' thing - about how I worked at making lists, etc. It really does work. I wish for both of you the same happiness I've had this past year. . .I can't describe how sweet it is to meet someone who is really everything you really, truly want and need in a mad. (Except: rich. Sigh.) But the only rich guys I could land at this stage of life are gonna be WAY too old!!!

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And I too am trying to get over a man. Tough stuff to do and the bottle has been a good way to try and bury the hurt. It's been 10 months for me since I got dumped and my drinking has gotten WAY worse.

I sometimes think having a husband or family around also helps in keeping some control. For me, I simply have no one to answer to or to hide things from. And while I too enjoy time alone, the loneliness and getting bored, triggers more drinking for me.

G4M: You are SO lucky to have your guy in this with you! What an eye opener that must have been to realize both of you were in the same boat. I had to laugh at the "bottle in the middle of the bin" with soft trash around. I've been known to do that just so it doesn't sound so obnoxious when the trash guys come. Giant closed recycle bins have become my friend! LOL

It's true: few things are more lonely than being single, and drinking alone at home. Both my SO and I have been there, and I can really feel for you. But make your lists, keep posting here - you have true friends here who really, truly understand and care, and that makes all the difference in the world. I suspect that part of your yearning for that past relationship has as much to do with wanting to fill a void as it does with your feelings for that particular person. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone on here! At least you won't have that ridiculous AA rule about having to be 'clean and sober' at least one full year before dating. yeah. right.

Off topic: I actually connected with a fellow I dated casually in HS during my single time. He and I corresponded several times, and spoke on the phone. He was/is a pilot for a major airline, and a really nice guy. He also was a member of AA. I was attending AA locally at the time, but chose not to say anything about it. A mutual 'friend' in AA informed him that I was an unrecovering alcoholic (tho I was abstaining for 3+ months at the time), and convinced him not to pursue the relationship. So much for 'anonymity,' eh? (Though now I'm ecstatic at how it all worked out.)

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Grateful for all of you here - grateful for TSM. Day Three here we come!

A resident Sinclairian Charder Naloholic =) Let the housedresses fly!

er. . .is that nalCaholic. . .?

housedresses? Are you related to June Cleaver? I'm still schlepping around in my PJ bottoms and an old T-shirt.

houtx770 · **Joined:** Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:32 pm **Posts:** 109

Y'all are so funny and I LOVED coming home tonight and reading all this! It's great to have this community and this group of us who share so much in common. I am so encouraged by your words, G4M, about your SO/Jake, and how sweet it is. Love it that you have no secrets. I so hope for that too. I have been corresponding again with this man I've been trying to either forget or resurrect, but he is in such a complicated place w/ ex-wife and kids, job, etc - don't even want to try and explain. I need to get over it, and today I feel like I came around the bend. Unless he suddenly writes me back that he really does want to try again. pfft - not likely. But I stay entertained.

I am on 4 dating sites. FOUR!!!!!!!!! As in "FORE" watch your head!!! LOL But the little deal with me is I have a very common STD that you see commercials about as often as Viagra...herpes. I've had it for 20+ yrs., know plenty of people who do too, but being single again with it is pretty sucky. Especially because I have many other fine qualities that are "marketable" LOL It's just that I don't want to lead the guy on too long, so in a couple of cases, about the 2nd or 3rd date when things are getting more interesting, I am having "the conversation"... unless I have met him off a herpes dating site, of course...and so far I am 0 for 2. But not a big deal. Just mine :-/

Anyway - I have stories! Yes, the rich ones are older, shorter, and have bad breath. Don't get me started!! I am not a gold digger for sure - I could never "settle" for one of these men. Gawd - recently met a prospect who not only looked like Mr. Monoply, but he hopped off the barstool and was about 5" shorter than I was! Just like that guy Samantha met on Sex & the City. Exactly the same - only we didn't do it against the bathroom wall anyway!! LOL

But I want to be you, G4M!! I am ready to meet my match & not have any secrets! And, W2E, we must continue to share our escapades. I'm sooooo with you on the broken heart...ugh - 'nuff said. Kris, I am so sorry about your mom. Hang in there. Where is Happy4Once??

Yeah, these hot flashes are not helped by the alcohol so I am trying to moderate for that reason also. And just when I think I am really in menopause, I have a damn 2 week period!! What's that about?? But interested in all the stories about your hysterectomies - WOW!! As an aside to the guys on here - we are now taking over this thread :-)

It's a female oriented forum now with the apt title "Frustrated"!! LOL

Goin4More · **Posted:** Fri Apr 03, 2009 12:45 pm

WaitingToExhale wrote:

G4M: I hear you on that first shock of "who stole my hormones?!". Thankfully they gave me a shot before a monster flash hit - but I can only imagine. My twice a week patches are also bio-identical - to heck with that pregnant mare's urine products! EW! And about a year ago I added a small dose of testosterone from a compound pharmacy. I think that has helped a bit, but I remained concerned about it and possible side effects of that. (Like male pattern baldness? YIKES!) Please PM me info on the online site?

Read my progress report - stick with the pharmaceutical stuff.

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You're too funny writing both of us single chicks. HA! I DID make my list and would post it above my desk but I've had computer guys working here and it might be a bit much for them to see. LOL

It might do him GOOD to see what a real woman wants/expects in a partner!

Quote:

houtx: Four sites? LOL thought I was bad when I was up to three! That herpes issue is a tough one.

That would be tough. But for the grace of God. . .(my ex cheated on me with a real little vixen - one of my employees, no less!)

Quote:

And boy do I have stories too! So far I have run into two guys that ended up being married! Like they weren't going to have to tell me that at some point? Then there was Mr. Grin Man. A great looking guy, money, house in Mammoth and great skier (like me! HA!) and just adores me - but, (guys close your eyes to this) he GRINS in bed! Not like a seductive smile or anything - a full out grin. Nothing worse than feeling like a piece of chocolate cake to fat boy! It's jus too much! HA! NEXT!

err. . .I know the grinning might be off-putting. But. If the man is otherwise a decent guy, why not give it a chance? He has evidently had some experiences in the bedroom that make him unable to be 'real.' So what? We all have had issues there, one way or another. Very probably, with the right partner, he could learn to give and receive pleasure. . .naturally. You'd be surprised at how nice it is at this stage of life to really share thoughts/fantasies/feelings with someone who hasn't had the freedom to explore their sexuality. Kind of like getting an enthusiastic virgin!

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Oh yeah, and the short ones. I've come close to marking something, somewhere and putting up a sign that says "You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride". LOL I'm almost 5'9" and I do not want to look at the bald spot on top of your head. What is it about short guys liking tall gals? There are plenty of shorter gals out there - and short gals - leave the tall ones for us dammit

And on that note; Day Four for me. I'm sticking with 25mg again today - probably for the last day and do 50mg tomorrow. I don't feel too bad after taking it - just a bit spacey and really tired after just one drink. So far I have not slowed down at all - but I contribute that to staying at home instead of working my shop with these knees. Hopefully it will be better next week and I will be more in control. I have a golf lesson at 8:15 tomorrow morning, so that should keep me a bit in control! Maybe.

You guys are great! Love this thread!

Ditto for you, GF!

marbella · **Joined:** Thu Feb 05, 2009 12:50 pm **Posts:** 255

LOL...I met my current BF just as Internet dating was becoming popular, so I feel I have really missed out on some erm.......experiences!

I was even dreaming about Mr Grin last night...

Goin4More · **Posted:** Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:00 pm

OK girls, this is a riot! I have some cute internet match stories of my own. (Darlin', close yer eyes. . .)

One fellow claimed to be an early retired civil servant, but didn't go into detail. I met him for coffee at a restaurant about an hour's drive from home. There's a nice boutique in the area I wanted to visit, so figured I'd meet the guy, and then go shopping. He described himself as very tall, slender and dark, and 55 years old. Seemed about right. . .

So I get to the restaurant and there is this terrific looking guy at the counter who matches the description. I explain to the hostess, rather loudly, that I prefer to be seated in the front of the restaurant as I am meeting someone for coffee and don't want to miss him. The guy at the counter is giving me 'the look,' and I'm thinking this might be a really nice date.

I'm seated, but the man doesn't get up from the counter. I got paranoid thinking, "Gee, doesn't he like my looks or something?" Anyway, I'm sipping coffee and this car pulls up out front. A tall, skinny old dude with salt/pepper (more salt) unfolds from the driver's seat. He's alone. I'm thinking, "Oh God, PLEASE don't let this be the man I'm meeting." God laughed.

So the guy comes in and we meet. I'm trying to make small talk, and he reveals that he's a retired homicide detective from New Mexico, and goes into some detail regarding all the sleazy 'no-good drug dealers' who were murdered, and how it wasn't worth his time to try to catch the offenders. Thing is, my twin brother was murdered just a couple years before in a drug-related crime. . .it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to deal with. I wanted to dump my coffee on the man's head!

Anyway, I made my excuses and got up and out the door. He follows me out, and asks if I don't want to go somewhere dancing that night. I'm trying to refuse as politely as I can, and he puts me in a big bear hug and tries to lay a kiss on me! What part of "I think you are a real loser" did he not get???

I was never one to invite someone to my house on only a first date - Jake here being the exception. He was so obviously a terrific guy that I never hesitated to ask him home after our wonderful first dinner. I cannot describe how we both just knew it was the real deal. . .and I have been breathing in and out ever since!

Jumping In From California

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