Hello another satisfied customer ! ( can't call you Krazy one either ! )
I'm sure you'll dip down even further to join Bob and Q .
But it is looking really good and feeling good too by what you say and husby likes it too . Came along way eh ?
Great stuff Kris , roll on month 8 :

Yeah awesome!!

This is fantastic! And anyone who is well past the 3-6 month mark with little or no progress need look no further than this for some real inspiration. Congratulations Kris, and major props to you for your PATIENCE!

Hello Everyone,

Haven’t been posting as much lately, but I want to welcome all the newcomers. It’s great to see how this community continues to grow. That last couple of weeks haven’t been so great for me. It seems when life is ‘OK’ I’m getting the drinking under control. But when something crappy slaps me in the face, I head straight back to the alcohol. I got some bad news – nothing tragic – just really disappointing, but it sent me into a downward spiral. I’ve always struggled with depression and lately it’s been overwhelming. Apparently, I still have some situations to extinguish before I can get through difficult times without relying on alcohol.

It’s tough to post about backslides, especially so late in the game. I’m afraid it will discourage the newer members. Being patient is hard enough, but the thought of not being “cured” after 7 months might sound unbearable to some. However, considering how desperate and miserable I was when starting TSM, the change in my life has been remarkable. I have to focus on that when I get down. And as we’ve all agreed, it’s important to be honest about our experience on this journey. Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes I still drink too much. So what? In the grand scheme of things, life is still pretty good overall, and even if I overdo it now and then, I’m no longer a hopeless drunk.

Anyhow, I know there are better days ahead, and tonight, that’s what I’ll be drinking to. CHEERS!

Hi Everybody,

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long, but I just wasn’t up to it. Welcome to all the new members, and hello again my fellow veterans! Hard to believe I just finished week 41. The past couple of months have been very difficult emotionally. My mother lives alone, is 2 hours away, and is starting to frighten me and my siblings because she has fallen a few times, etc. I’m trying to convince her to move to an assisted living facility near me (I’m the shortest distance from her), but she’s being difficult. While she doesn’t drink if she has to drive, the rest of the time she drinks all day and dreams of dying. On her last birthday she, she was bummed out because that’s what she wished for. Saying that talking to her depresses me is a HUGE understatement.

In reality, the Mom I knew has already died, and finally accepting that has been devastating. I alternate between grief and anger – the biggest triggers for me, and ones that I simply cannot yet handle without drinking to excess. I’m finally coming out of this darkness, and I realize that NOBODY on this planet can MAKE her happy. It’s also NOT my responsibility to do so. I’ll keep trying, but I know that only God could make that happen. Luckily, she believes that committing suicide is the ultimate sin, so even her debilitating depression won’t lead to that. I also refuse to let this drag me into despair any longer, because I won’t do to my family what she has done to me. I forget how self-centered we can become while depressed, and how much it hurts the people you love the most. I’m DONE with that. Sorry about the ranting.

Even when drink too much to get through things like this, I know it’s only temporary in the grand scheme of things. Whatever relief I get from alcohol in this case will become extinguished eventually, thanks to TSM. It’s not easy learning to deal with life’s difficulties without alcohol, but I certainly feel better about myself whenever I manage to do that. Hopefully the happiness I get from that will become selective reinforcement in the long run. But I also know it will be a really LONG run.

All I ever wanted was to be able to control my drinking. For the vast majority of the time, I can now do that. So, doesn’t it seem that in my case, I have (or almost have) been cured? I still don’t like the term because it has so many different interpretations, but in a sense it holds true for me. After losing my last job almost 2 years ago, I literally drank all day, every day, ridiculously thinking I was successfully hiding it from my family! Liquor bottles tucked away in different places, only to be found again and again by my poor husband. Whenever I feel discouraged, all I have to do is remember those horrible days. Compared to then, I have truly gotten my life back. My husband is still in awe by the transformation. My kids and I have never been so close. All the things that really matter in life are again within my reach, thanks to TSM. There are no words that can truly express my gratitude. Even if it doesn’t get any better, I’d declare TSM a complete success. Most importantly, that’s how my husband sees it, and I trust his judgment because he’s not an alcoholic. He doesn’t care if I have 2 drinks or 20 – as long as I don’t act like a drunk by embarrassing or endangering my family.

For those who are struggling with how long it’s taking to see consistent results with TSM, all I can say is just hang in there if you’ve noticed ANY positive changes – even if only momentary glimpses - hold onto that, because it means the Nal affects you to some degree. That’s easier said than done, especially as the months roll by. As far as how long to follow TSM before concluding it isn’t going to work, that has to be a personal choice because everyone is different. We all want to see everybody here succeed, no matter what the path. The 3-4 month timeframe mentioned so often in the book is a joke for most of us. For me, I believe this will be a life long process, but I’m OK with that. I think there may be spikes for many years, hopefully only triggered on rare occasions. It’s important to remember that even ‘normal’ people often drink too much at weddings and funerals. I still rely too heavily on alcohol to get through the bad times in life (like funerals), but I do pretty well now during most of the good times (the last wedding was awesome!).

It’s a rocky road for sure, but it’s the most rewarding journey I’ve ever taken. There will still be uphill climbs to tackle, but when I get to the top of each hill, I can look back and see how far I’ve come. That gives me the strength to keep going. I wish each of you the best on your journey, wherever it may take you. Cheers to all!

What a fantastic post! You are so true in your assessment. We all should be focusing on our improvement -- those of us who are in the lucky 80% or so who do see improvement. Lately I've been wallowing in self-pity, pissed off that I'm not fully "cured" at six months. Well I need to focus on the fact that I used to be jones'in for a drink every night I was AF; now I don't think twice about it. I also haven't blacked out in months -- used to on a weekly basis. So thanks Krazy for a little perspective. And good luck dealing with your mom -- that situation would drive anyone to drink.

My best,

Nick

Krazy

My heart goes out to you. I took care of my mother for 2 years while she was terminal the last year being pure hell as she was bed ridden and really didnt want to die. yep I know what your say about the mom I knew is already gone. Just like you, I drank-up and drank-up hard...probably the event that threw me over the edge with the bottle. I know there are no magic words nor advice. I would tell you to try and not to drink so much over it..but that would be the pot calling the kettle black in a huge way. i was drunk more than sober in my caregiving endevour. I was Otis the caregiver from the Andy Griffin show. I have no regrets over my drinking during that time I simply did what any drunk would do to cope with a shitty situation. I wonder if I had Naltrexone during this time if it would have kept me more in control. Thank god you have. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Thanks for the responses Nick and Crown - I'll never cease to be amazed by the support here.

Nick - you're right that perspective is extremely important when you've been at TSM for several months. It's funny how quickly we forget how bad things were, then we even start bitching about progress when it doesn't come as quickly as we'd like. It's like getting a new computer. At first, you're just thrilled by how much faster it is, how cool all the new features are, etc. But then a few months later, we're already complaining when something takes 2 seconds instead of one (even though the old computer took a whole minute)! We humans are an impatient and often ungrateful species. Alcoholics are often worse in this regard. Let's face it - we always want more. If one drink makes us feel better, than 5 drinks must be 5 times better, right? From what I've seen, it's especially true of high-functioning alkies. They don't just get the job done - they go above and beyond, so there's always a reason to celebrate. Work hard, party harder... We just have to think about one of those blackouts, where we did some damage that's beyond repair - then we see how much better things are now, and for that we should be thankful.

Crown - you're a saint for taking care of your mother like you did. I can't imagine the pain of watching a loved one die who still wants to live. Watching someone give up on life when everyone around them is begging to help is heartbreaking, but nothing like what you must have gone through. Your mother was very lucky to have you.

Although I feel I owe my life to TSM, so much of my success has to do with all you wonderful people in this community. I just don't know what I'd do without you. Thanks so much for being here.

Hi K1,

I'm sure that I speak for the rest of the community in saying that you have given and continue to give so much to all of us as well. The support you have given others over the months is an example to us all. And it's wonderful to see you posting again. You have so much to offer!

Best wishes,

V.

Kris, I can feel your pain. My father died in 92 and several month's later my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I took care of my father for many years and now it was my mother! She was my best friend. She only lived a year beyond that and I was the caregiver. I actually had a monitor set up next to her bed it turned into a 24/7 job. I had a total meltdown and put her in a convelescent home because I could no longer care for her. I thought that I could
just put her there get a rest and then bring her home and start again. I went to see her the next day and she was awful, mean, nasty, told me she wasn't going to eat anymore complaining about everything. I was angry when she told me to leave. Before I left for some reason I asked her if she had anything to say to me and she said "Yes, I love you", and without a word I left the room angry with her for the way she was acting so not my mother who was upbeat and strong.
She was in renal failure at the time and I was in denial! I never saw her again she died the next morning without me every having said I loved her too! That was 16 years ago and telling that story still hits me very hard. My mother wanted to live during her illness up until that day. I know this because she also said
I was torturing her(guess she wanted to died at that point and I wouldn't let her go). I know how hard it is to hear that your mother wants to go. I also know what a devestating affect it can have on us. You are carring quite a load right now and my heart goes out to you. Can you get any help to have your mother take anti'depressants, many older folks do develope severe depression and cover it with drinking. I still jump at night when the phone rings because my father used to fall all the time when he was drinking and I never knew what to expect, horrible times for sure. Know that you can pm me anytime and that I have missed seeing you here. Please forgive the typo's, lol!