This week the nausea related to drinking has returned full-force. Last night I went to the bar with more money than brains, and when I returned I still had both money and brains. I sat up 'till 2am trying to drink, then gave it up and went to bed. 4.5 drinks for the night and 13.5 for the week. Thanks TSM

Even though I'm not doing numbers in my signature anymore, anyone who is interested can still see them on the Google spreadsheet.

Looks like we are having similar experiences Firebird. I too feel that nausea. The last time it wasnt so prevelant, I got mostly tired and fell asleep on the couch. Im only drinking on weekends now at best, or Monday Night Football, but its getting to the point where Id really rather just watch the game at home and not drink. My wife likes to go out though.

Are you finding that drinking is becoming a bit of a chore? Like dealing with that nausea? For me its like I have to have everything right in order to drink. Make sure I eat before or at the time of taking my pill, watch the clock, get some beer in me. My back brain is still looking for that glow feelling that never comes, then nausea sets in on my quest for a buzz, and after all that I find myself wondering, was it really worth it? So the next time around that same question is starting to raise itself even before I drink, will this even be worth it? Im starting to think its not.

All the best,

hap

Yeah, the chore factor makes it almost not worth drinking. Last night I decided to have a few and play guitar, but it took me three hours to finish three drinks, and the nausea made the whole thing barely worth it. What I'd like to know is why the nausea was gone for something like six weeks until last week. I thought maybe a bad batch of pills, but I'm still on the same order so I don't know what's going on. These days I'm drinking at my "cured" rate.

I find it odd too. I started getting a metalic taste in my mouth. I remembered that potato said that she started getting it and wondered why the side affect after all these months. Ill assume that it went away for her.

My first batch I got from River, and the last several pills of that batch is when I started getting that nausea. My next batch, which I just got, came from alldaychemist. It seems the nausea was not that bad. Difference in quality? Could be. Could it just be some odd side affect that occurs down the road into the process of TSM for some of us? Could be too.

Ive also played around with when and how much I ate previous to drinking. I think in time it goes away. Still Id rather be dealing with this than dealing with "no one at the helm". lol

hap

In my work circle we have a guy who died and was brought back to life by the doctors. Literally. Now this guy is not all that driven to work hard, and there are a couple of guys who think that it's because for this guy "it's all good, all the time". You know, like he was dead so anything from here on out is just free life for him. It can be a good and a bad thing: he doesn't get hired that much, because of his low work-drive, but it also doesn't seem to bother him all that much either.

In a way TSM has done the same thing for me. Before I was dead, drunk at least, and if I wasn't dead in the past I was headed that way in the not-so-distant future, so now everything that happens to me is like "free life". If this is not making total sense, don't worry: I'm not. Anyway, I find I'm able to make it through things that would have devastated me previously. Even really shitty things like my relationship of 5 years likely coming to an end.

I got into a huge fight with Ms. Firebird over some longstanding issues that aren't going to go away. It turns out that my drinking was not the only problem we faced, though it did provide a good red herring. She quit drinking about four years ago using the AA model, and ever since then she almost seems like she's permanently hungover. Maybe this is a difference between being abstinent and being cured, I don't know. I do know that now that I'm not drunk all the time her bad moods bother me a lot more. Now I feel ready to live life, and I wish she had the same kind of excitement I have, but if she doesn't, then I have to go on anyway.

I decided last night to go out and have some drinks and I did exactly that. It's nice neing able to decide how my night is going to go, but now I need to work on doing more healthy deciding. Anyway that was last night. Tonight I'm not drinking, and I feel good. Calm. Not too angry with her, though a little sad. But sad is OK considering the circumstances. If this had happened last year I would have gone postal. Now, thanks to TSM and the control I've found in my life, I think everything is going to be OK. From here on out everything just seems like "free life".

Night all,

Fire

Amazing FB.

Sorry to hear about your SO, but IMO your right, you need to feel fulfilled, especially now. How can it be any other way?

I think I know what you mean. I remember in the past, as Im sure everyone else does, either saying or thinking....God if I could only be normal, or stop drinking....the things I would do, how grateful I would be.

Alcohol controlled our lives. Everything revolved around it. Now it doesnt for me, and from what Im reading, not for you either. TSM has given us a gift that is allowing us to move on, be better, enjoy these experiences that otherwise would be clouded by a drunken stupor or the haze of a hangover. The energy wasted on negative thoughts. All that is but gone now.

I was sober for over 10 years using abstinence, and yet I remember things were still not rosy. I was still living in fear of a first drink, I could not attend certain social functions for fear of having a first drink, while I may not have been creating more issues, I still was mentally dealing with addiction. I was always wishing I could be normal, do what others could do. I felt I was doomed to a life of boredom. The things I could have done if only I had TSM back then. Anyway I have it now, and while my "normal" problems that do not stem from AL are still there, they are not as big of a deal any more. Things are brighter, I feel like I can do so much more. I feel I even have an obligation to do much more because of this gift that I was given.

I wouldnt call it "free life" though, because to me, we earned this. It was not our fault we were born like this, but its our responsibility to try and do somthing about it. Which we did. We fought through every day of this addiction to gain what we have to this point, and now that we dont have to deal with this addiction anymore? HOLY COW! GET OUT OF MY WAY!

I saw my little girl dressed up as a flower girl this weekend, I still feel she was born yesterday. The beauty she is turning into even at age 6....I vowed to never miss another day of her life. I wish I took more pictures and video of her growing. Ill start now.

Anyway, who lives life more? The people in the picture, or the person who took the picture?

What can stop us now?

Thank you TSM.

Wow hapful that was so encouraging. It seems you're a dad any little girl would want to have and you'll be 100% there and not in a fog. I think too many of us had dads that AL took over their lives and now it's too late to have a relationship with them. Enjoy your daughter, tell her often how much you love her and you'll be one of the richest men alive

corkit

Nice post Hapful. Also hope you are doing great Firebird. I really found it interesting the stuff you said about Ms Firebird doing the AA thing and then seeming like a years long hangover because that is what I have noticed about my friends who are still plodding along with AA. So many of them seemed bored and unhappy. What is up with that? I ask what is the point of doing something if you are miserable the whole time you do it? Thank you TSM.

It's still hard to believe that some nights I just forget to drink . What a miracle this is. After so many weeks and months, and ups and downs, I can still see new progress being made. Triggers are being extinguished, and old habits are falling by the wayside. Yeah, this takes a lot longer than we thought at first, but maybe it's better this way, you know, good like slow-cured bacon.

You're right Firebird - this is a miracle. And honestly, I'm almost glad that it takes a long time, because just learning how to live when alcohol isn't the main focus is a foreign concept. It takes time to essentially re-learn how to live like a normal person. If it happened all at once, adjusting would be too overwhelming for me. I certainly can't learn a foreign language overnight, so why should this be any different? Maybe I'm a slow learner, but that's what it takes for me to truly feel I've mastered something. Guess I'll do some more 'studying' tonight with a few beers!