Hi SS. I think I can relate to what you mean. I've been drinking for 40 years. First 20 were bad and ended in a very bad place so I went total abstinence for about 10 years but it was white knuckle every day. Year 2000 I started drinking again but had long periods of abstinence and hated that - actually got drunk to the passing out stage about 5 times over the past 9 years. So now I drink only 1-2-3 glasses of wine per evening. But that's even too much as I get drunk, sometimes snotty, sometimes angry, almost always red-nosed and red-cheeked, and once in awhile I really go over the edge and get DRUNK. I "used" alcohol strictly for anxiety and to relax and I don't want to give THAT up. My husband does not see my drinking as a problem - he drinks every day too and gets pissed on Saturdays but sees that as "normal."
So now on Nal I'm still having a hard time with the fact that I don't have that automatic toe tingling, warm rush that I had before. Even with all the negative stuff that would happen I crave that warm feeling and the actual feeling of relaxing from head to fingers to toes.
Now I can feel inebriated but not warm glowy buzz. I really miss that. I'm hoping with extinction coming I can find another way to relax...this is complicated for me too because I don't want to be totally abstinent. I'm still after 4 weeks thinking of drinking every day, and have not been calm enough about this to have an AF day.
I would never stop Nal because I know for me drinking without control even if it's only one or two is not the way I want to live. I guess I'll have to settle for drinking one or two and feeling in control. Many out there would kill to have this "little problem" but it's not little to me.
Don't know if any of this makes sense. But I do know what you mean
