Hey Fellow TSMers,

I want to obviously thank everyone per usual. A nicer crew of folk I couldn't ask for in this at time sinking ship of despair, but it always seems that life at its darkest moments, we can find inspiration here....Thank you! (for you emoticonaholics)

I had a setback the other day as I stated on the blackout thread, where I blacked out and grabbed the Mrs. in a drunken stupor of assholianism. I realize this is a common side effect (assholianism) of alcoholism with its grandiose over dramatic pathetic sense of entitlement, but having said that, I awoke after finding out what I did, rather than wallow, dusted myself off and tried even harder.

I had my second AF day since starting TSM (not in a row). Granted, I was little headachey (again delayed headache) as I had drunk 10-12 units the night before, 8 at the end of the year band party that my boss holds for making him tons of money....thats ok, not my goal to be that guy anyways, but over 3.5-4 hours, I had about 8 and left with a little buzz, the booze was top shelf (single Malt, great beer, top tequila) , and I was able to maintain a very sober evening (I mean in relative terms,..you know,..A buzz is not even noticeable to the outside world with an experienced drunk). I came home and had a few more light beers as I was arguing about stuff other than booze with the Mrs...(still had to sneak those beers) Funny how if its not one thing its the other,,,,ughhh..>We go to marriage counseling in a week. My goal is to have a VERY boring next week so when we go and she had the dirt, its only the one incident.......

Overall my consumption has lowered by approx 1-2units,...I realize, I've promised to keep better #'s to make it more scientific, but i'm finding by not obsessing too much and keeping an eye on how I drink in the evenings(rather than #'s) and just how I feel the next day, its a better barometer. 1 MArtini, a few brews, and maybe a glass of wine or two. whereas in the past it may have been 2 martinis, a few brews and 2-3 glasses of wine or more of the other.

A note about the blackout. SOme people report alcohol effecting them more on NAl. That may have been my case,...I can't recall how much i ate that day(which is definitely a factor) but I only remember having a large martini and 1/2 maybe 3/4 bottle of wine...Maybe thats enough if I didn't eat...and maybe I'm spacing a beer or two....

My goal is to have another AF day today. AND not to binge tomorrow. And if i feel another AF day tomorrow, so be it. Alcohol really pissed me off the other day when I did that to my wife and don't remember....I'm too old, have too many friends here that want us all to move forward and feel that by adding a little willpower/effort on my part, I may be able to make this a smoother ride. I think Dr. Eskapa in the book saying drink as you normally do, effortlessly, could be a misnomer for SOME of us here. It seems many are starting this attitude whereby we can take a little control or choice and TRY a little harder. I like that,,..but I will say and maybe the Penn and Teller video made a difference, it was easy last night. Especially after about midnight...the only down side, when I don't drink, it's a guarantee of bad nights sleep. That usually only lasts a couple days though...slept on and off not straight through for about 4 hours, but feel fine right now.....

My cat (Misha) she goes in for surgery tomorrow to remove some mast cell growth on her leg,..very minor amount, but they will have to put her under,..she's 13 or so,..so please keep my kitty (moggy for you across the pond) in your thoughts as we have no kids so the furry critter is our kid (we have two). That would be traumatic if something were to happen as we've already had a scare earlier this year with an auto immune disease which she has since been recovering quite nicely. normally this would be an excuse to get loaded, I don;t want to be loaded, I want to be present with her

I have a few gigs this week so relatively easy work week......best to all, Jim
PS I flossed last night,...very little to no blood!

How do I change the main title to Jim Clarks progress (continues to week 6)?

deleted by BGH

deleted by BGH

I think you edit your original post, the first one in the thread. I think you can change the title there.

You are doing good Jim. You really haven't been doing this very long have you? That is OK. I just had to think about when you joined.
Maybe the effort can be a part of it? IMO I couldn't have even made a good effort prior to TSM. I could go for awhile but I knew what would happen in the end. I would just watch to see if you get seriously overbearing cravings. You know the ones that may tell you to drink without nal.
I read in part of the book where one of the Dr.s states that the more time drinking the probable mor triggers to be extinguished. Could this be part of the time to cure question we all have? Don't know.
Anyway, hope everything goes well. Please keep us posted.

yeah I've been hitting it pretty hard since 20 or so,....44 now....not as bad as some worse than others...the story of my life...right there in the middle...haha

maybe it'll take me a while...lo0p suggested the baclofen. I will limp along with Nal until i see my shrink next,...then i will ask her about that...i just don't know...It's 6 Pm and I'm monitoring myself,...a little edgy but not crazy,...but I think it'll only get worse,..but if I work out I know I'll pop the Nal as I go to work out so that after a little over an hour when i get out, i'll be cool to drink...or skip the workout all together....

i've been practicing this afternoon,..something I can honestly say I haven't done in months...Thats something...working a little in the studio....Thanks friends, jim

I'm sorry I was posting on the Blackout thread I started as a result of the horrific experience last Friday where I grabbed my wife on a blackout.

First of all, I want everyone to know that I am improving in regards to my drinking. Unfortunately, we just got out of marriage counseling and the counselor pointed out, "She isn't seeing it (the improvement)"..,..sooo I have to live with my ugly actions from 10 days ago even if;

A) It was the one and only time I have ever laid hands on my wife

B) I've been morning stink free since starting TSM

C) Hangovers are coming on which they never did (or rarely) pre TSM which is good for negative reinforcement

D) I'm happier in other aspects of my life and have ambition and motivation again

E) Little to no anxiety

F) I am drinking less and have lost 13-15 pounds since starting (I've been working out too)

So I am on my own still but that's ok. I will not cave and start feeling sorry for myself because that would be pre TSM and I want to know for myself, that either way I am going forward for me.

I worked on a few days last week and was totally in control, barely buzzed Friday and not at all Saturday (total of 6 or 7 ish maybe a little more one night but over several hours).

I am pleased, I just wish my wife was.....I know there are many here in a similar predicament. She said during therapy, I may have permanently screwed things up. Hang in there all, I just pray that I'm able to keep it together,..but with you guys helping, I'm telling you it goes A LOT easier. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I read EVERYONE'S posts,..I just don't always comment, because I don't want to be a postaholic although I know nobody cares but still....take care friends, Jim
PS I am very sad though that I hurt the one I love so much (not physically but emotionally).

I know, it's hard to see what the hurt is that we as the AL people inflict on our spouses. I have such other feelings, and some of those are anger at my HB's actions in our marriage that I am unable to see my own role in the conflict. But, as you are, we are doing our therapy. Good luck, to us all.

Jim always glad to read your posts. Still sucks that your wife isn't supporting you. If she wasn't sabotaging your efforts in the first place, she would see all your progress. Fortunately for me, I've always drank in front of my wife and in problematic quantities.. My father treies to hide his drinking even though we all know. It is kind of sad. I always feel it is his house, he worked hard to get us thru school, he tried his best to teach us, and he tried to give us the best he could and here is feeling he has to hide his drinking from those he loves.
I know how he feels cuz there were times I hid, if not totally then quantity. It sucks. Then you gotta lie like so many of us to our Dr.s.
Sorry. You'll have to kiss up for a good while.
Like I said in a post, I could lose my job over this but I am choosing life. If you guys have to go thru some crap for you to get your life, it may be the only way. Just because we are alkies doesn't mean we don't deserve any try at an easier and more pleasurable cure. We all know how much we owe, blah, blah, blah, blah, ad infinitum.