Recoveryism has made us all feel guilty I know falling short of abstinence or taking another tack does give me more than a twinge of guilt . I see I'm not alone there from these posts . Getting to feel comfortable with where we're at at a given moment is part of the work we've to do as we go further on the path .
Sometimes the corrective vision of another can be very helpful as happened in a conversation I'll cite . I was explaining to a friend how I drink now and he too has something of a problem . I said to him that I may go four or five days but then I do drink although safely now , somehow I had the lurking feeling that I never get far enough away from the drink . But he said " oh well if it's like that it doesn't seem you do have a problem " . I really have to begin to share that point of view .
Normal drinkers as Soulby says do sometimes get drunk they also might drink a few times a week or a few days in a row sometimes etc . We're just soo damn self conscious about it all , and that's going to take time to sort out .
So let's get comfortable .

Thanks for this post and your honesty Firebird.
I am with SBTS, there are always going to be times in our drinking we experience blows-outs.
I'm sure it will be OK for you - you've come so far on TSM journey already.
6DIJ

Firebird. Check my thread. I just had a thing where I made a mistake for 2 months but I am back and have fixed my self up totally. Screw everyone who wants to be negative about this. I really see a huge difference in how I am now that I am back taking my Nal. I just will give you good news about the brain which I know because of my science degree and keeping up with knowledge. The brains cells are flexible and if you feed your head with the right foods and thoughts you can do awesome things. I guess I am saying things are more changeable than you think.

Potato, you are awesome. Happy 1 yr to you

Hi Firebird - I'm glad your thread was bumped, I missed it last week. Going backwards is very difficult and scary but I'm glad you are being honest about it and your numbers don't sound too off the chart, just not as good as previous (not trying to minimize what you are going through, just trying to keep it in perspective). I took my #s out of my sig too...but I will put them back in once I get the courage to update my weekly progress so others know that it can be a bit bumpy even after you are cured. Thank you for posting this - very brave of you and very helpful. I hope you get back to where you want to be quickly.

And Potato - Happy 1 Year . You've helped so many people find thier way to this method, do you know that? You should be very proud of yourself - the very fist pioneer here. And you did it on your own. Wow!

Thanks Happy,

I have gotten a lot of useful feedback, and I have really come to peace with a few things. I am actually fine with where I'm at. My concerns were mostly about what other people would make of my numbers. Wise council from others here has led me to a place where I can enjoy my new found freedom from alcohol obsession without sinking into number obsession. When I just think about what TSM has done for me, and not worry about what other people may think about it, I am just overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude that this has come along and made my life not only manageable, but wonderful!~

Well said Firebird. Numbers can be so misleading and counter productive at times. Success with TSM is most importantly about quality of life, not quantity of alcohol. Thanks for keeping it honest - it gives me the strength to do the same.

Hello everybody. I have been pretty quiet on the boards lately, in part because I am experiencing a backslide since my "cure", and I just wanted to let some time go by and see how things progress.

As most of you know, I declared myself cured in August, following several weeks of good numbers and a fairly dramatic physical change in my relationship to alcohol. The taste of the stuff had become hard to take (naltrexone + drinking = paint thinner), and anything more than two or three drinks would bring on some pretty heavy duty nausea.

Unfortunately, since that time my drinking has increased steadily, and the physical reaction seems to have gone away, at least until this week. This past week has seen the nausea with drinking return, although that didn't keep me from consuming 9 drinks on Wednesday night.

I don't know what has caused the "bounce back effect"" that I and some others here have experienced. There is some evidence to suggest to me that there could be a quality of Nal issue. My backslide did coincide with a reorder of nal from River. As others have also expressed a concern about the quality of the drug from their suppliers, I think this is something we definitely want to keep an eye on. Bit we also don't want to jump to any conclusions.

After 7 months of taking naltrexone, I'm pretty familiar with what it feels like to be on the stuff, and I can tell you that sometimes with this new batch it just doesn't feel quite the same as it did before. I'm almost out of nal again, so if my new order is dramatically different from what I have now, I will know something is afoot.

It is also possible that a "bounce back" is a natural part of the process, as several of us have experienced it after thinking that we were cured. Sometimes it feels like a last desperate grasp of my brain to get back the charge I once got from alcohol. At this point I'm just trying to be patient and see how things unfold.

Until I know more, I am removing "cured" from my signature so as not to confuse people, especially newcomers. I know I would be confused if I saw someone drinking 25 units a week calling himself cured. However, I do consider tsm to have been, and continue to be, a success, so as far as that goes, I just need to find my way back to the cure I once thought I had.

I never liked the term "cured" anyway, as it implies an end to the process, and this like so many other areas of personal growth, is a process which has no end - I will always keep getting better .

Firebird, thank you so very much for sticking around, keeping us up-to-date with what is going on for you, and for your absolute honesty

I'm so sorry to hear that things have slid back somewhat, but I wonder if perhaps these are just further extinctions that need to take place? If it's the supply of Nal that is pretty worrying, but as long as you can gain the next batch from from a source you can trust completely perhaps it's a fascinating case study and will give the community here some lessons for the future.

Wishing you all the best, very much a return to where you were just not so long ago, and that you keep posting here, because your experiences are so very valuable (gold dust, in fact)

eight

I'm just so angry that here we are, self regulating....figuring it out on our own, This drug should never even be questioned as to its authenticity....

This really angers me....

I'm 3 beers and a martini in.

I had a lot of units last night (9+) but attribute it to my shaky marriage.....sorry firebird...didn't mean to hijack....

I have only been smashed less than a dozen times since starting...this is definitely an improvement since pre TSM...

Thank you Firebird for your candor. I think we will figure it out woth everyones honesty and encouragement. I don't expect it from the outsiders...best, Jim

PS I may have 2 more light beers...but thats it and thats over 8 hours..I'm completely sober