demanding a dinner on the table from your wife isn't going to help anyone. It doesn't matter whether she is a wronged saint or the bitch from hell. You need to negotiate here. Try the following

Each of you write down 3 things the other person does that makes you feel nice. Then each of you write down three things that you don't normally do, but could do, for the other person that would help your relationship. Then do the same for things you would like the other person to do for you. See how that goes.

Yes you do sound like a complete jerk. Taking care of a baby is hard work! Having your first child requires a huge adjustment in a relationship - presumably your daughter didn't arise from an immaculate conception (forgot we only have those in ireland )
What i find most shocking about your post is not the irritation towards your wife but the complete disregard with which you talk of the care of your daughter- as though she is some possession that merely needs servicing like your car. I note that its not the time away from your child you resent in having to make dinner. Lots of people here have given good suggestions about negotiating etc id like to add mine which is before you have a conversation with your wife you try caring for your daughter a few days running from 7.30am -8pm with out company etc (you know the motto- walk a mile in my shoes) then when you have a little glimpse of what its like you might be in a better position to have a conversation with your wife!

I was going to remain silent (very hard for me!) on this issue, and we may be beating it to death... but now that Houtx has voiced quite a harsh opinion (Thanks Houtx for taking the plunge) I can feel free to agree with her!

In my opinion when a man and woman marry they become a new being: a couple, a unit - they are joined, one flesh if you will. So when we do something helpful/nice/charitable for our partner we are in effect doing it to "ourself"

The point here is that you and your wife are not separate beings but one couple. Each is supposed to care for the other as they care for themselves. You are caring for your wife by working your b___s off and giving up the majority of your evenings in a long commute. She should do her part by caring for you and your needs.

Now here's an even more revolutionary (old-fashioned) thought: you are supposed to be #1 in her book. And she is supposed to be #1 in yours. Baby is supposed to come #2 in both your lives. Yes, I know this is horribly old-fashioned. But after all you and your wife are going to be together long after your baby has left the nest (let's hope).

So your wife's joy, duty, pleasure should be to cook for you. Your joy, duty, pleasure is to work for her. If you each did your part all will be well. Ok, now gang, beat me up!!!! I can take it

She's not cooking you dinner because you are not home for dinner. And she is likely pissed at you for not being around....

Call her durnig the day. Email her during the day. Line up a babysitter and get her away from the kid. Make the first move to make her feel good about herself again and she'll start coming around. And then she will likely notice you are busting your butt. Doesn't sound like she is in a place right now where she can see all that you are doing, so you need to help her.


BGH. No beating up...lovely sentiment and I agree we need to take care of each other, but as humans it's easy not to live up to that standard. I'm not much of a cook so it will never be my "joy" to cook for my husband, but I do it. When he is gone all week without bothering to touchbase before 7 or 8pm...I find I am less inclined to feel like doing anything for him. When I feel neglected, I don't always shine. I doubt I'm alone there...we don't always feel like doing what we are supposed to do when we feel someone has wronged us. Sounds like some of that is going on here on both sides.

Best of luck figuring it out RV. I will cook dinner for my negligent husband tonight and tell him he needs to keep in touch with me during the day - thanks for the interesting thread and all of the responses. Very thought provoking.

Good stuff, all, and N101CS has figured out what will work best for him and has put the steps in place probably. BGH, I agree. I must have that old-fashioned streak, too. Or maybe just wish I had a man to be able to cook for...Like I said earlier, we are only getting his side of the story. But any man who commutes an hour & a half twice a day to provide for his family...is a hero in my book. It is not difficult to make that man dinner...especially since mac & cheese works!! Hopefully he gives her an ETA and she should be able to work with that. Sure there are days the baby is screaming, things go wrong,etctetctetcte - but she NEVER cooks for him? Yet she & the baby eat before he gets home? Ok - but he needs to eat too. If he wants dinner, give him dinner!! He shouldn't have to get take-out everynight nor be told the yard looks like crap when he walks in the door. Period. That's just not right.

H4O - yes, talk to your husband about your needs & requirements... Men NEED directions. He will appreciate the fact you are cooking for him. They need to be appreciated for their efforts and for bringing home the bacon. I get the impression (can't remember if it was here or elsewhere), "the baby" is not exactly a newborn but still, yes, small children are hard work. But I remain firm in my opinion that if you are staying at home, and OF COURSE I know how exhausting a baby can be, much less multiples...still. If your husband wants dinner when he gets home...fix him his damn dinner. There are too many easy fixes at the grocery store. And don't criticize the upkeep of the yard. SHEESH!! As long as you're hiring a nanny, look into yard men, N101CS.

Done.

wow N101CS I bet you're sorry you ever vented about your wife I guess you touched a certain button with all of us and I noticed you haven't said one word in days. only you know what is happening in YOUR house that none of us know nothing about just as if I told you about mine you might be way off in knowing what to tell me in order to help. I heard somewhere that a rope that was made up of three different ropes was almost impossible to ever break apart as long as they were intertwined . . .you, your wife and your daughter, keep that thought. Now with that said I hope this thread disappears, done.

the best to you N101CS
Corkit