...fingers crossed.

I wish I could be your guardian angel. Everything you've said here until the last couple of days has scared me. I care about you, Evan...hoping more than I can say you will be ok. I think about you everyday. Sending up my little "prayers"...

Don't you EVER again consider throwing yourself in front of a moving anything. Quit being stupid when you are not!! In a way, you're kindof pissing me off. I had a mother who tried suicide multiple times when I was growing up. She was smart, talented, beautiful, loved...yet got this poor pitiful me bullshit going on every few years, checked into mental facilities, left us at major holidays...went and married her damn psychiatrist when I was 16 and told my sisters and me not to contact her...she would contact us when she was "well"...ha! she never really got well. Was a ghost for many years in my life when I needed her. She started drinking heavily in her later years, started falling down, injuring herself, switching personalities, died suddenly of septic shock in 2002...Drs attributed it to her heavy drinking partially. Lovely.

Gee - I wonder why I drink and my sister is 100 lbs overweight...but I am better than my mother and you are better than whatever it is that is eating at you. Quit being a chump and take those drugs reasonably and quit trying to KILL YOURSELF!!!! You are being an idiot and I'm sick of it. I'm sorry for you, but call me on your way to get that wine. Call me when you are curled in that fetal position. If you are sick of the damn medical profession, I don't blame you, but don't go it alone!!

CALL ME!!!! I will blunder my way thru my understanding listening ear, but I will (try to) keep you from doing the unconscionable. OK?? OK!! And I know I am probably one of many - pick up the phone and call one of us. And I promise, I will be more patient and kind than I was here...but sometimes people need a good, quick kick in the ass!!

XO

Well, it's official. Tonight concludes week13. 2.55 units tonight and 39.1 for the week, a 60% decrease from last weeks total:


It's 3 am here, I've already been to sleep once. I've got some wine left over on the counter but thoughts of drinking it are accompanied with thoughts of revulsion. Normally when I wake up in the middle of the night like this if there is any booze in the house it's days would be numbered. Not tonight.

I should be excited about this decrease in consumption. Well, ok I'm a little excited. The biggest difference adding baclofen has made is I have this renewed sense of well being. I can't explain it, the suicidal feelings have just disappeared.

As I said yesterday, I'm going to try to practice TSM through this. I guess every month or so I'll discontinue the baclofen to see just how much extinction has set in. If it doesn't, due to some unforeseen interaction between naltrexone and baclofen, then I'll discontinue the baclofen and trudge my way through the rest of TSM...when I'm good and ready. It is obvious to me that I can't handle consuming that much alcohol right now.



I didn't consider it, it just happened and it all happened so fast. It was like an out of body experience.



Thank you houtx. And thanks to everyone else also. I really appreciate all of you even bothering to give a rats ass about some guy you met on the internet that likes to make silly little graphs. But the truth is that when I feel like that, I don't want anyone to stop me. Hence the need to prevent that feeling in the first place, and it feels as though I might have found a way to do that.

Lo0p keep taking the baclofen if it keeps your head on straight. What good is striving for a cure if you're not around for it? I sure hope there's someone in your life that's watching your back. Take care and remember your love for your family.

Corkit

Evan, I second what Lena, Nick and houtx have said.

I'm concerned about that huge dose of Baclofen you've jumped right into, but just so glad that you have been OK on it. I've also in the past been in a similar place to where you've been recently, though, and know that although there must be decent professionals out there, it can be next-to-impossible to find them when most needed. And the bad ones can do just as much harm as good sometimes. So sometimes we can only do what we think is best for ourselves, as you've done.

So, I understand what you're trying to do, and I'm just so glad you are feeling better, long, long may it continue!!

All the best to you, as ever

8

Loop -- Whatever you are doing may be working for you and no one would begrudge you that of course. But since this thread is on the board where others will read it, I want to mention a couple of things. First, as others have said, your dose is dangerously high, especially without titrating up, and no one should think otherwise. The "ceiling" dose for Baclofen's on-label use is 80 mg/day, titrated up from 5 mg tid. The amount for alcohol treatment is higher for some, but the ones who post on MyWayOut have titrated up very slowly to find their optimum dosage. Second, "going off" baclofen "every month or two" as you mentioned would be even more dangerous. One must titrate down from baclofen after being on it a few weeks or one will most certainly suffer severe, even life-threatening, benzo-like withdrawal symptoms. Anyone curious about how much fun this is [NOT] should check the Benzo Bunch thread. It's nothing to mess with.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baclofen

Ditto.

As I've already stated nobody should try this. I'm positive that I am a very special case, acclimating to it so quickly. Dr. Ameisen took 31 days to titrate up to the dose I am taking.

I am intimately aware of the withdrawal effects and how to avoid them. You know me...I've done my homework.

Dearest Evan --

I wasn't so much talking to you as to the people from all over the world who may be reading your posts. As we have learned from the "sweet tooth" debacle and other experiences here, people often apply their own context to what is posted by others. You have lived through your experiment so far but someone else might not!

Lo0p -
I'm so glad you are sounding upbeat. So glad the meds are working for you! I don't know how it is in your head or anyone else's is such extreme circumstances. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh or inconsiderate. I just know from the "victim's" standpoint how scared and angry I felt towards my mother. I understand yet can't imagine what that "out of body" experience must be or has been like. Terrifying and uncontrollable at the same time I guess.

Just sooooooooo glad you are back and feeling better. The offer still stands if you crumble though. I'm rooting for you & know in my heart of hearts you are a strong man and will prevail. Go forth and conquer and do not fall on your pitard! :-)

XO