Thanks so much for your kind words, rapper

I know there's much rambling on this thread (I used to be known as 'eight rambles a week' by many I'm sure ) but I hope that all of our stories here will be real life case studies to inspire many others in the future. The rollercoaster of TSM, described by individuals, with real life colour - such a powerful addition to all that's contained in Dr E's book!

For anyone new to the board and/or to this thread, who probably wouldn't trawl back through this all, as well as my intro thread, perhaps it'd be a good time to recap my history.

Perhaps the interesting part of my experiment is that I returned to drinking and TSM after four months of near-effortless abstinence, with only occasional (though intense) cravings. I had been on a daily abstinence programme for all that time, which helped me immensely. But, I knew a lifetime of avoiding triggers/friends/parties/concerts was an impossibility, that I would most certainly end up drinking again someday (the statistics almost demand this to be true) and actually in time of future crisis I knew I would resort to drink, just as I always have. So, I decided to be proactive, start TSM, and hope to be cured, once and for all.

I have been a daily evening drinker for at least fifteen years (I am 34) and also a binge drinker at any available opportunity, at points in my life for a number of nights in a row. Following a series of traumas last autumn and an emotional collapse I became for the first time a 24/7 drinker, and completely non-functioning human being. This lasted for five months (the length of time it took me to receive an in-patient detox from the UK's National Health (!!) Service) by which time I was, literally, on my last legs (I thank my lucky stars that I'm alive today). Those four months of sobriety followed.

There are a few more of us here now who have returned to drinking with TSM following abstinence.

I am functioning most days now despite returning to drinking. When I'm not it's more usually due to my GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder). <edit>Importantly in this respect I lost the daily support for anxiety from my daily programme. And drinking more than around 12 UK units a day makes my anxiety worse. On the days that I've gone way overboard on my drinking, my anxiety the next day has been almost impossible to live with at times. Because of all this I have increased my diazepam (sedative) usage to 8-10mg (or slightly more in very difficult times) daily, which I am certainly not happy about, and looking to taper off when I soon start on a beta-blocker with anti-anxiety properties as an alternative.

I've also been supplementing with vitamins, fish oils, and amino acids in recent weeks for improved mood, and to help prepare me to withdraw from the valium, and I've noticed extremely beneficial effects from these.

I am very much on the rollercoaster that is the TSM journey. Occasionally I have felt the need to drink 24/7 - I hope these are old triggers that need to be 'extinguished'. If I had not had valium to use during the day to relieve anxiety, no doubt I would have drunk during the day more often at times. On other days I quite effortlessly drink less than I would have before (though not a great deal less, as alcohol still has its attractive anxiety-relieving properties).

More to come tomorrow as I complete the week. The last few nights have been pretty good, I really hope I can keep it up for a while.

(edited to better acknowledge the interaction between drinking too heavily and raised anxiety levels, and to mention my supplementation)

Hi 8,

Thanks for bringing us up-to-date with your summary.

I am absolutely delighted to see such an improvement in you over the last month. It is quite remarkable. Long may it continue!

As always, my best wishes.

V.

Thank you for your very kind words V, they are such encouragement

Weekly report for week 12

12.8, 15, 21.6, 20, 11.5, 11.5, 9.2 UK units this week for a total of 101.6 which I am absolutely delighted with!

The classic pattern in my drinking emerges yet again - anything more than 12 or 13 units sends my anxiety and drinking levels the next day much higher. 15 units on Friday night led to early starts to drinking on Saturday and Sunday, and much higher daily totals. The interesting thing this week is that I was able to 'flip' back to a reasonable amount of alcohol on Monday night quite easily, where before I would have had to taper it down slowly over days. I had an early morning hospital appointment on Tuesday which gave me extra incentive not to be too hungover, but this new glimmer of slight choice is extremely encouraging to me.

The last three days have been, in total, the least I have drunk in many a year. I have quite often drunk 12 UK units for consecutive nights for years, but just the extra 0.5 knocked off the first two nights, along with last night's four beers (my lowest nightly consumption - abstinent period apart - for at least five years!!) has really pleased me.

So, willpower has seemingly started to flicker into the equation (though this being the rollercoaster it is I won't ever assume for the moment that it will be a constant presence). But there is more; I have returned to lager only and cut out the wine, which I find hard to judge the strength of, and can drink high numbers of units of far too quickly; and I have varied the sizes of the cans of lager that I drink. Had I bought my old sized cans I would most likely have gone 12, 12, 10 for the last three days, as I almost always finish the beer I am on, especially at lower levels of drinking (for me). I'm going to experiment with this and have different sized cans in stock at the same time. I'm hoping I can get my units down a little bit more by, for example, having a smaller beer as the last one of the night. All this is in light of the fact that I think I might be moving past the point of 'drinking as you've always done', and now able to consider the fact that it's more the number of times we drink on Nal and triggers/associations/etc extinguished than how much we drink that will eventually cure us.

My mood continues to be very good and much more optimistic on my supplementation regime, despite heavy drinking episodes. The last few weeks have seen me, on occasion, feeling better in myself than I have for many a year

Right, I'm going to run off to get my LFT done. Better take the opportunity after a few days of relatively-reasonable booze abuse, and hope the results don't give away my 'dirty little secret' to my doctor (who thinks I'm abstinent!!)

8

Wonderful, 8! Music to my ears!

My best.

V.

That's only 58 US units buddy! Sorry, have to put it into terms I can understand.

Good news!

Eight,

I believe it was you that inspired me to simply TRY to drink less. I just want you to know how happy I am for you and I think you're on the right track. I believe this to be the case with me as well.

I am trying, but lately it seems as though my hangovers are worse. Not debilitating but annoying. Slight headache and nausea all day. This with drinking far less than I have previously. I realize I've only been here 7 or 8 weeks next week Monday, but still,..Maybe with this negative reinforcement Plus willpower, I can still get to extinction but in a more controlled manner without the roller coaster....you're a great person with great insight,..Thanks for everything, Best, Jim

8 -- I'm happy for you! Thanks for all you contribute. I know I sound as though I'm writing in your yearbook but I mean it.

This is such encouragement to me! I actually implemented willpower yesterday, as hard as it was, I knew I had a reason that required it. Your words are inspiring!

-petal

Thank you so very much for the kind words and encouragement guys, it means such a lot to me.

In fact, I do not know where I'd be right now without this board and everyone here - I doubt very much I would have made it this far on TSM. Bless you all.

I had a very big night out with my old uni friends on Thursday. The drinks flowed as freely as ever, even though I got little enjoyment from them. The first few were certainly very welcome to quell my anxiety - we went out in the 'party' part of London and it was scarily packed with people. I haven't been to the busier parts of London recently so my anxiety was very high. After that it was just habit to continue drinking - that's how our group socialises - we go out, drink and eat, drink some more, and when the drinks stop it's time to go home. I found myself wanting another drink just to stay longer with my friends, for no other reason. I have to consider what I can do about this in the future. I suppose when I am 'cured' and have worked out my anxiety issues I will just be able to have a few drinks slowly over the course of the night rather than knock them back.

Friday's hangover was absolutely horrendous, but I exercised my new-found self-control and choice, and drank at a fairly moderate (for me!!) level.

Yesterdays was another day out in London with an old friend and drinking buddy. We had three pints during the day. The first was welcome to relieve anxiety, but the others I would have preferred a soft drink, I was just thirsty. Purely habit that my friend and I drink together whenever we meet (on my part).

Last night was interesting. One of the situations I always LOVE(D?) to drink on at home. Me on my Playstation 3 (yes, yes, I am 34 but I'm single so gaming is still one of my great pleasures ) playing a great new game online with the same friend. Communicating over the headset, taking on armies of enemies together, drinking away the beers as we played and chatted for hours and hours...I had about fifteen UK units, which is too much for me, but typical of a night in like that.

I'll be playing online with him quite a bit over the next few weeks I should think, so it'll be interesting to see if my drinking around this changes. It's not entirely due to alcohol either, I don't think - when I was abstinent I would drink gallons of herbal tea in the same situation. Perhaps that itself was to replace the beers I was used to (just thinking out loud)?

Hey 8,

Looks like your moving along just fine. Maybe you can go the full on geek route and buy a case of Mountain Dew? Im playing a fun online game called Metin2 right now. Ofcourse I still step into melee with Call of Duty 2 online also, great fun!

Just wanted to stop in and say hi.

All the best.

hapful