Whoops! I think that mat be a very good example of "passive aggressive" (Not the nanny, I mean buying your own dinner and bringing it home every night, she might like the nanny especially if he's tall and blond )
May need to rethink this one.
Maybe she does want to go back to work, have you talked about that? Then you can hire the nanny, cook, whatever, check it out.
That happens a lot with house cleaning and both work, finally the answer is to hire, but as she is "at home" that is not the option.
Hopefully you can reconsider communication.

That works too. I told my wife 2 18 year old blonde swedish maids, cooks, just good looking girls to decorate the house, something like that, years ago. Hell they can have careers if they want.
I didn't want to sound crude or anything.
They could be from any country and any hair color and 18 sounds a bit young. I couldn't handle them anyway, then I would have 3 ladies to contend with. I think I'll stick with the one for right now.

Ok, I'll throw in my 2 cents.. have you just asked her directly to please make you dinner without it becoming an analytical discussion?

When I was a SAHM, it was an exhausting, demanding, thankless (the baby doesn't thank you) job and I felt that my husband, who worked past dinner time, had it soooooo easy so why was I going to treat him like a king and cook him dinner every night when he was with adults or commuting listening to music at dinner time???? While I was ready to drop and maybe didn't even find 10 minutes in the day to shower, never mind cook something more complicated than chicken nuggets and green bean... It is a huge transition to go from working (adult conversations, appreciation for work, using your brain) to being at home with all the demands that can't be put on hold and you are in last place in terms of having anyone consider you. I made that transition and longed for even the bs that happens at work.. It made us realize that being a sole SAHM was going to destroy our marriage and I went back to work - part-time.

If you start bringing home dinner for just yourself, don't be surprised if she throws it at you I would...

(yes, I realize that I made this into my issue - sorry!!!)

I solved this problem years ago using my underdeveloped hunger drive; in other words if I decide not to eat, I just won't eat and it doesn't bother me. It's been a lifelong "problem". Anyway, when I would come home and she asked me if I had anything to eat, I'd say no and she's suggest that I pick something up for myself. I said it was too much trouble and I'd just skip dinner. This went on for days and my wife couldn't stand it any more and started making easy-to-make dinners for me. I have to say in her defense that she and I both have dietary restrictions that keep us from having the same meal. So really she has to make two meals for each meal of the day. So she couldn't stand me seemingly starving myself (which didn't bother me at all) and that motherly caregiver instinct took over and I get nightly meals now.

Kind of manipulative and I doubt that most people could go without food for a few days (the secret is to fill up on liquids). However it worked for me. No confrontation. No asking what has she been doing all day. Just avoided the topic entirely by not eating.

Bob

Can I ask when you first talked about her staying home which one of you first brought it up? Does she talk much about how she's doing now that she's home? I mean what mother wants to say she might prefer being at work than with her own child? What kind of a mother would that be? I'm sure you get what I'm saying. This cooking thing could just be that she just doesn't like her life right now. When the two of you were working did she ever cook then?
Oh if we were just transparent people how simple life would be.

Hang in there, communication is the best way to handle things and a cool head helps too.

Corkit

Hi, I have always loved to cook for my "Husbands". I get great satisfaction in surprising him with lavish meals and lovely table setting when he comes through the door. Several years back he told me that cooking for him was an act of love to him and that started the ball rolling. I feel appreciated and he gets fed! It can be a task because he brown bags it out of choice so now I have to figure on lunch as well as dinner the next day and have the variety also. Last night was grilled salmon w/capers,wine,garlic & baby spinach sauteed w/fresh tomato and evoo, mashed cauliflower. I love to create. This may not be an answer for you but when my husband told me that he felt love from those meals it has stuck with me every day. Good Luck!

I made dinner for my wife, chicken breasts marinated in sesame ginger sauce, with Jasmati rice, Baguette bread, tossed salad with Feta and Balsamic vinaigrette, and seltzer waters. She still bitched me out and threatened to leave me at the end of the night when she caught me with the beer... Jim

I guess, we are in very dysfunctional relationships. I basically give up on trying to please. I'm just happy my furry daughter cat moggy Misha came through surgery today ok. Over the last 6 months she's gone from being a nice used furry Saab to BMW. SO I now call her the furry beamer.

Am off to pick her up with her poor head in a lampshade so as not to eat the sutures....

Best, Jim

Gosh, LaBear and Jim Clark, can I come live with you guys?? The food sounds fabulous!! And JC, I'd have a glass of wine with you and your beer, but just one!!

RV, I don't exactly have the same situation as you, my soon to be ex-husband still lives with me and is jobless, but I work 2 part time jobs. I work from 8 - 12 at one of them, then go work out, get home around 1 or so, and each and every day I ask 'where's my lunch??'. And he says I didn't make lunch. And I'd ask why and he'd say he was busy (busy consisted of reading his newspaper on-line, watching soccer, or chatting on-line, but never looking for a job). I have to be at my second job at 2:00, so it doesn't give me much time to make anything, but if I do he'll ask me to make him something too, and I just say, no time, busy. Then I'll say, you'll have dinner ready right? No answer. I get home anytime between 5:45 and 6:15 and there's never any dinner, and he's gone. I have long ago given up. Some (maybe a lot) is my fault as I have 'mother instinct mode' as my default operating system. I tend to be ever caring. I sometimes think it's a bit of a fault.

I don't expect you to seek divorce or anything, don't get me wrong!! I'm just relating my situation, there's lots of factors that led to my divorce, not just the cooking thing. Maybe just come out and ask her what's bothering her. Don't know how old your daughter is, but maybe your wife is having post partum blues? Maybe she misses work, or the people at work or whatever kind of satisfaction she gets from work. It's always easier to lash out to those closest to us when we're unhappy even if the one closest to us isn't the one making us unhappy. Does that make sense?

Best of luck,
petal

JAYZUZ -

N101CS - Only hearing your side of the story: put your foot down! I am shocked and appalled these women who do not appreciate their men (and verse visa). Quit putting up with that crap. Your wife is being selfish and mean and acting like a spoiled bitch. What's going on in the bedroom? Is she cooking in there either?

But I can guarantee if you ask/demand she goes back to work, the cooking ain't gonna happen for sure. I'm sorry you're having a hard time - but soooooo glad you vented here actually! Nice to hear the others chiming in - yeah, I don't understand women who don't cherish their men and take care of their "providers"...

Thanks to WTE, I am reading "Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man"...it speaks to this and every other situation. A must-read for everyone, I think. Hope your recent solution/scheme works on the bringing home take-out everynight. Let us know! And sheesh - you commute an hour & 1/2 everyday?? Yikes -

Happy4O - I am a lo-carb devotee and totally understand where your husband comes from & the frustration others have with our lifestyle. But it isn't that hard to accomodate! Look for "Dreamfields" brand pasta in your grocery store (may have to go to a higher end one or look up "Lo-Carb Connesuiere" - ack spelling?? to order) but this pasta speaks to us lo-carbers. It tastes just like regular but not digested w/ the high-glycemic index as other pastas. It has changed my life (LOL) & your hubby will LOVE it. Something the whole family can enjoy - finally a pasta that tastes great w/ lo-carbs...and many varieties.

Yep - all this food talk, made me want to cook!! LOL Why can't it be easy?! Keep us posted, N101CS. Good luck & drive carefully!

I wrote this very long reply and lost it -- hate when that happens!

I'm wondering if you both agreed on the staying home thing before your baby was born. Did she want to/not want to and did you want her to/not? That's a biggie.

Number 2: Women usually feel very unattractive in the year after giving birth, esp. if we're breastfeeding. Threatening to hire a "22 yr old Swedish nanny" to cook/clean/take care of your baby (much more implied) is not going to win you any points with your wife. Seriously. She is feeling crappy about the changes in her body after having a baby as it is. You are rubbing salt into a wound, whether she's cooking or not.

Number 3: Do you think she might have post-partum depression? I had it in a big way after my triplets were born. It's very common....I would encourage you to ask your wife questions about it. Is she sad? Does she feel listless and unable to care for the baby? Does she have a hard time even getting through the day? Does she cry or feel numb? This is VERY important to figure out! So many women have PPD and don't know it. M y ob/gyn finally gave me an antidepressant, and within a couple months I felt much better.

Taking care of a baby is very hard, especially if it's your first. I had triplets, so my adjustment period was even greater But your wife does need you, and I think right now, dinner should be the last thing you worry about. That's why there's takeout -- and don't do the passive aggressive thing.