Is it unreasonable for me to ask my wife, who quit her $50k job to take care of our (only) daughter, to help a bit by at least thinking about dinner before I get home? Christ, I don't want to be a pig, but I work all day and then come home and have to cook for all of us starting at 8 P.M. That's only if I can ignore the fact that I have a side contract that I work from 9 P.M. until 1 A.M. She cooks NOTHING. I HATE stereotypes but as long as I have to be the stereotypical "dad" at work, why can't I ask?

I can count on my left pinkie the number of times I didn't have to make dinner after my 1.5 hour commute. That was a night we didn't eat dinner. I'm tired of it.

I don't want to be a jerk but geez, if taking care of the baby is so damned hard, I'll hire a 22 year old blonde Swedish (live-in) nanny to take up the slack!

A resounding "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". It may be time to "buck up".

And thank you for all you do for our board. It is greatly appreciated.

BB

N101CS:
Prior to my sister's divorce, I always asked her,"Why don't you fix your husband's lunch for him?" But she was more about herself than the two of them as a unit moving forward through life together. It was so easy, I thought, he would have eaten a turkey on whole wheat!
But it was not to be.
I do not know the answer for you. Are you a fussy eater? Do you need food that she does not like to eat or cook? Does she dislike cooking, or eating for that matter, is she a "snacker"?
I think, if I were you, I would appreciate wholeheartedly, a nice welcoming dinner at the end of a long work and commute day.
Have you discussed this with her. Is it her revenge toward you for drinking, or maybe you came home late sometime and she is still holding it as a grudge? I am certain the answer is somewhere in your and her communication, hope you can work this out.

SO my answer is, "No. not unreasonable, but find out the reason."

Oooooh boy, I'm sticking my toe into some very murky waters here....but as a SAHM, I'll give you my 2 cents, whatever its worth.
N101CS:
Frankly, it sounds like there's something going on beyond who makes dinner every night. It seems some kind of control issue is at play. I'll be the devil's advocate here: has she ever accused you of being controlling? If so, that's your issue, not dinner. Or maybe she is resentful of the drinking and this is her way of telling you that' she's not in the marriage until you stop. (Only throwing out possibilities here).

My husband can be quite controlling at times, and while I still make dinner every night, if it's not to his liking, he refuses to eat, which pisses me off. (i.e. tonight I made linguine with braised garlic and a salad.....he is an Atkins freak so he wouldn't eat the pasta, and he didn't like the type of lettuce I bought for the salad. So he ate a leftover pork chop instead. Last night I made black bean soup -- homemade -- with French bread and he wouldn't eat that either. Too many carbs. However, I have 5 kids to please and while I try to accommodate him, sometimes I just have to make what is crowd-pleasing.)

If you're not an eating weirdo like my husband, if you're easily pleased, then maybe cooking isn't your wife's forte. Not every woman loves to cook! If she is used to being a career person, ordering takeout and whatnot, it is very hard to make the switch from being recognized in the workplace and earning your own income, to being a mom/housewife and having to depend on your husband for every cent he "allots" you. It's quite demoralizing. Not saying that is your relationship, but if it is than your wife might be rebelling. I really hate asking my husband for money, it makes me feel like a child asking Daddy for my allowance ---though I think I contribute to the family by taking care of our 3 yr old.

Sounds like a frank discussion is in order. Don't get defensive or accusitory, just ask her if she doesn't like to cook and if not, how you can --collaboratively --put dinner on the table. The two of you can certainly work in the kitchen together chopping vegetables! That is something that I long for from my own husband..... Anyway, if she is staying home with children, express your appreciation and admiration for all that she does. (If you do this often , I guarantee that you will get great sex, if not dinner!!!!)

Not even a little bit. I'm snobby - I like to eat well. But I would never complain if someone gave me Eckrich sausage and macaroni and cheese (one of my favorite not-good-for-me meals).



I don't need anything, other than calories, preferably in some form that represents USDA healthy proportions. I LIKE seafood, which she despises. That's okay, I can make it as often as I like (2x per week) because I always make my dinner.



She dislikes cooking. She cooks well when she does and I tel her so (sincerely). She does not dislike eating. Yes, she is a snacker. I am not.



Yeah, that's what I'm saying...



Yes.



No. To the extent that I drink (much less now but with binges here and there) she generally has no idea - she's asleep before it happens.

Guys, this is quite simple.

I've got a wife who will say to me after I get home, "The yard looks like crap."

This is the same wife that expects me to drive home and get here at 8 P.M. and also make dinner (for myself - she and the baby have already eaten).

All I'm saying is that I really, really want to send her back to work and hire a nanny. I'd get more done for the money.

I am not sure what to say. Would need to know a little more history. If she is stay at home I believe it is pretty much her responsibility for dinner, whether takeout, peeling back cellophane, or what not.
I would like to say just eat before you get home every night, but you have to think of your daughter. Does the wife not feed her? If she doesn't, she has a major issue.
I agree with the others, the only real way to handle it is to talk. I know it sucks. I, myself, would probvably start doing something passive aggressive at first. Like only making dishes she doesn't like, only making dinner for me and my daughter, " I assumed you weren't hungry" " Why" " Well I didn't see anything made for dinner". Then that would turn into some argument and we would finally talk about it. I would be pissed though.
I often make dinner in our household but by and far my wife does it on the daily routine basis.
Another good way to handle this might be to call her from work or on your way and ask her to order take out that you would like. This may give her a clue of your concern. " Honey, I am on my way home and I am hungry, can you order us a pizza from ....., so its there when I get home."
Or " can you get the chicken started for me. just put it in the oven @ 375"

This may be the way to get the hint across. I face similar issues, I like the lunches comment above.
Good luck.

I just saw your most trecent post. Call her and ask what she is making for her and the baby, and tell her to make sure she makes enough for you.

Okay, I just figured it out. Seriously.

Really seriously.

I am going to go to one of our favorite casual restaurants (Olive Garden, Outback, etc.) (which generally suck but she loves 'em) every night and get a meal-to-go and bring it home... for me. Just me.

"Well Honey, I don't have enough time at night to make myself dinner and I know how busy you are all day... So I'm just going to get myself dinner to-go every night."

This is gonna fix it.

Sounds good. I fyou only have to worry about your dinner, eat good. I am not sure she'll get the drift that you would like her to make it or take care of it for you, though. If the restaurants you speak of are near you, maybe call her and have her call in your order, "I'm busy can you give em call for me". Of course you'd probably end up getting some extra appetizers and stuff.
I think maybe calling her and asking her to prepare you something before you get home. Don't even say anything of your concern. Just call and say" Hey, can you throw in that Hungryman for me". Make her participate somehow.

This is too complicated.

I'm going to hire the 22-year-old Blonde Swedish (live-in) nanny. That will simplify things.