I don't feel too comfortable with what's happening . True it's a very pressured time for me with a play just about to go into production and alot of evenings rehearsing after work.....
So , I'm drinking more again . It's not that i want to be hard on myself , guilt bollox , but do expect more now , stricter standards . And yet...
I seem to be suffering a bit of "drink creep" here . The weekend is just beginning and I'm gettiing that friday afternoon itch . So I've dropped my NAl and do as usual .
I've no problem with that were it not that : ......
The last three days in a row I 've used up my perilously low safe drinking allocation and the weekend rolls in !
My apetite for Alc is definately stronger this week . However I've not been falling about the place drunk or lying in bed with vilolent hangovers and other delights .
I've had a good good few weeks so if this is just what happens I'll sit it through and draw no rash conclusions . have to see how it develops within
a longer span .
All I can say is it feels a bit alarming .
I can certainly see alot of pressure in my life which could explain it but it's not an explanation I like much as Generallly the more we advance with tsm the more resistant we get to being pulled to the bottle by pressures . I think it's purely biological perhaps a relapse pattern .

Otherwise , sorry I can't fully follow the board because am with this heavy programme right now .Although I see poor WTE has had a nasty blow to the pocket . What a hellish thing, go easy there til you live it down friend.

The Play's the thing!!! Trigger, that is. Steady as she goes. There's extinction work yet to be done.

Are you just trying to copy me, Elfern?

I think it's likely just hidden triggers from the play, but yes, I know, it is very scary. I have full faith that you will dip back down again soon. Any new situation is likely to cause our drinking patterns to change even if we don't feel stressed or bad particularly. At least that's what I think is happening to me in part. We will get through this - hang in there!

Happy ,
I am rather copying you aren't I ? But I'm not trying to do it .
I am currently trying to get drunk it seelmed like a fine thing to do , even had some nostalgia for the buzz . just felt like oh the perfect remedy for a number of frustrations .And now I've drunk more than usual I just don't feel particularly relieved and certainly not buzzed . if I repeat this enough I'll hopefully give up on it one day . That at any rate is what extinction theorey says . Let's just hope it happens for us before we become extinct ourselves

Elf -

I'm the same way I do great being aware of taking my NAL, watching my units and then I find triggers. The same thing happened to me this past Friday.

My cravings have been way low for the last few weeks. I still drink but I never got the point where I popping a NAL as soon as I got in the car to leave work because it takes me an hour to get home and speeding to get home to have a drink, walking in the door putting my purse down and grabbing a drink. I would not think about taking Nal and when a little thought would hit me to have a drink I'd look at the clock and say it's 7pm if I wait an hour it will be 8pm and I need to be in bed by 10 for work it's not worth wasting a Nal on. The other thing is I don't like the way I feel when I'm taking Nal. I think that comes from being AF for a few days in row that I notice the difference, I'm sure it's because for awhile I was drinking everyday so my endorphins were shut off so a few days of being AF I feel a lot brighter.

This past Friday for some reason I started thinking about some personal stuff on my way home, I stop right there and took my Nal knowing this was a trigger. I stopped by the store and bought a 12 pack even though I had 7 still in the fridge. I figured it was going to be a bad night. I barely made it inside the house with my 12 pack (Yep still drinking beer I can no longer stomach wine - who knew that would happen). The good thing that happened was I only drank 8 of them.

Yesterday my units were higher than I like them to be (18) BUT I did them over the course of the whole day. Not a crash and burn mode which is my normal MO. This week my units are up because I had 2 social events during the week that involved happy hour.

I am still very please with TSM even though it is taking me longer than the test people, but on the other hand I was over 100 units a week, falling down drunk every night, passing out, blacking out, hangovers, the shakes the next morning and weekends I don't remember starting on Friday night going till I passed out Sunday night. I was so close to losing my marriage 6 months ago. Mr. Providence would have stayed with me but only because he figured someone would have to take care of me, make sure I ate and help pay the bills, I could remember to go to work everyday and make the money but I was so drunk at night and the weekends I would never write out the bills. I was a highly functional (sp) alcoholic.

Now, I don't drink till I pass out, I can go out to dinner with him and enjoy the meal without drinking my way through it, we have conversations, we go places and I'm sober and I remember it, I don't have hangovers anymore, I don't have the shakes, I get up in the AM and I have coffee again instead of grabbing a drink, we watch TV at night. I've even started cooking dinners again! Mr. Providence is pleased with the way things are going. Sure he would love it if I stopped drinking or only drank once in awhile but he realizes that this is going to take more time and I will have great days and a few bad days, but it's better than have bad days all the time.

Besides - 6 months ago I would have been too drunk to remember to take my Nal an hour before drinking because I never stopped once I started and then I didn't remember anything. A few months back I had Mr. Providence trained to ask me or bring me Nal if I was on a binge, now I don't forget because I'm actually in control now.

I keep track of my numbers but I no longer use them to validate my success or failures. 1 day of high numbers does not discount with me the other 5-6 days that were great. I'm a binge drinker so I can't compare my numbers to the people who were daily drinkers. I look at the past few months and remember where I was 6 months ago and how desperate, scared, lonely and isolated I was. I had no hope. Now I have TSM and I have conviction that this is the path I need to stay on.

Hey Everyone,

I will post on my thread tomorrow as I'm off to play a wedding, but had a minute and wanted to thank you that are so vigilantly keeping track of your #'s.

Tomorrow is my 4th or maybe 5th week,...see how unscientific...But I benefit by watching the #'s and although its not all about the numbers, I think its important to keep them. The reason its been more difficult for me is because Mrs. Massachusetts (hah Provy,..we're former Rhode Islanders,..middletown), does not support this method and I have to hide it from her,...so I'm having to have bottles stashed which is what I was doing prior to TSM, but I would feel so much better not having to hide....its kind of a don't ask don't tell kind of a situation....sorry to hijack the thread, I just want to thank everyone.....you're all such good friends in such a short time in this foxhole of hell....plenty of war stories here....BEst, Jim

Hi Elf
Interestiing and concerning post. I suppose my first reaction is a little dismay both you and Happy having spikes in your drinking having declared 'cured'. Makes me much more cautious about declaring and more watchful about unforseen triggers. On thurs after my usual AF days i took my Nal and found myself drinking pre TSM levels of wine. It felt like i hadn't taken anything and i wasn't aware of any fresh trigger. Fri and sat night were back to effortlessly low levels but thurs alarmed me a bit. I suppose its back to the fact that the Rats didn't produce plays, step out of their careers to fulltime child rearing or get divorced
At least we have the consolation of knowing our brains and bodies are responding because we have experienced extinction at work.
PS I don't want to start that whole controversy again but was it the same Nal batch?

Soulby,
Not the same batch as i'm dealt with thru the doc .
Just so we know what we've got numberwise it's sunday night and assuming I don't go over one more glass of wine I'll come in at 48 units which is indeed a considerable spike . As for remaining cured i'd like to see it stay at safe levels at least (ie 21 uk units ) some variation , some exceptional weeks could be tolerated but no way as a norm . So it's too early for me to revise my cured status ( forbid the thought !! But at this moment i've only seen one such week .
personally i think we may well always have a risk tendancy to slip back into drinking more either through carelessness or very pressured circumstances and what that holds out in triggers . happy is right what she said there .
It certainly wouldn't do harm to wait longer before shouting but when you do get 2 or 3 weeks in a row at safe levels it gets pretty jubilating , makes you want to shout !
I have a feeling this 'll be ok though , my play 'll be over at the end of the month
and pressure off . Who knows maybe next week 'll be better . For happy too .
Just keep coming back! - we must keep each other posted .

Providence ,
The changes you outline are absolutely vital , it has clearly made a big differecne in your marriage . It's quite right to be fully joyful about what tsm can achieve for us ,
and that happens before curing .
Jim Clark - I know you're struggling with your wife's perceptions etc , take heart from what Providence says it'll be for you too ; I so hope she'll come around to apreciate the changes .