Apart from a horrendous day with anxiety and constant pounding heart on Tuesday (my doc is now going to send me to see a cardiologist) AND generally high anxiety levels on all days AND a huge upsurge in my AL consumption I'm actually feeling pretty cheerful this last day or two. I think that's the natural amino acid supplements I'm now on (taurine, glutamine and 5-HTP).

Weekly total for units finishes after tonight's consumption and...it ain't gonna be pretty!!

Hang tight 8,

You've been so helpful to me and your posts are generally quite funny.

I know I'm a newbie (3.5 weeks,...starting to become an old timer yet? Just kidding), so you provide me with a potential path so that if I have some anxiety, which I've been known to have panic attacks, it's nice to know that you're not the only one.

But I do think that drinking helps quell the anxiety but as we sober up that damn anxiety kicks in,..I think there is a balance somewhere in there (I think for you was it 12 units), that didn't make you have anxiety. Take care my friend from across the pond, Jim

Jim, thank you very much indeed for your kind words I too take tremendous encouragement from reading others' progress threads, and it was especially helpful in the first month or so when everything was new. Without this forum and the members here my journey so far would have been a very different proposition, much to the worse.

So, last week was my highest total number of drinks since I started TSM around two months ago. 15,18,20,24,20,17,18 UK units for a grand total of 132

Funnily enough, though, although the daily amounts were up to double the amount that usually send my anxiety sky-high, apart from one very rough day my anxiety hasn't been particularly high this week. Hmm, I wonder if the supplements I've been taking can be responsible alone for that? I certainly have noticed a difference since I went on them.

Alas that really bad anxious day mean I missed the Pixies gig I was meant to attend on Tuesday, but I made it to the show last night, and WHAT a show it was! First saw 'em in 1990 and a handful of times since then, and I have NEVER seen them as tight as they were last night. Absolutely mind-blowing stuff. I also think they played the peerless Doolittle album even better than the actual record, which is astonishing...

Ahem, I digress The point I suppose is that I went to a very big event with one of my best and oldest friends, and biggest drinking buddies. Beers flew down (and on occasion were spilt, particularly while dancing ) and shots were necked. I think the total over six hours drinking was 21 units, but I might have missed a drink there somewhere. Two lovely glimmers came shining through the evening of dry ice and sweaty dancing. Firstly, when we were having the final pint of the night in the pub by the station, my friend was clearly 'gone' in the eyes, and managed to knock his Guinness over, while I felt crystal clear, almost as sober as the first drink, though of course I couldn't have been (and did later notice myself slurring to the taxi driver). It must surely just be the absence of the endorphin bombardment of the bonce. (By the way, my friend is a heavy drinker, and most probably alcohol-dependent, though it is something we have never really discussed).

The second glimmer is that when I get home on a high from a gig I usually continue boozing, at least for an hour or two, and at worst another four or five beers. Last night I opened a can of lager, took one sip, didn't fancy any more, and took it to the kitchen to be disposed of. This is actually quite remarkable for me, and although I know I'm far from being cured, it's moments like this that really offer me hope and encouragement.

A weary but very happy 8

And so the time comes to address the tricky job of working out exactly how much I've drunk the last few days

I last posted on Saturday morning. Anxiety later kicked in in a very big way (due to the 'unholy triumvirate' of high alcohol consumption the previous evening, not enough nutrition, and poor quality sleep). I'm trying not to increase my valium use, before it's something I aim to get off sooner rather than later, so am trying to keep stable at around 8 to 10 mg a day. SO, I made the decision to relieve the extra anxiety by starting drinking in the afternoon, and trying to just stretch out my preferred daily booze allowance.

Um, didn't work out well 14.5 UK units were enjoyed until 10 pm, then I crashed out. This is NOT good for me, as if I sleep too early I inevitably wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to dreamland. Yup, up at 3 am, very anxious again and craving a drink. Tried the sedatives first, which didn't work (they don't really at that level anymore), so I had some wine, which did. One bottle (about) at 10.5 units.

The same pattern repeated itself the next day, but this time all I had left in the house was wine. I reckon I had a bottle and a bit during the day/evening, and then the early morning wake up (yesterday morning) again when I guess I had another bottle...

Last night was much better. I budgeted for my usual six light beers (for a total of 12 UK units) and had the five. Opened the sixth, and poured it away. A good night's sleep, been up and about and functioning (reasonably!) today. So I hope to repeat this pattern tonight, and hopefully to be maintained for a decent while (enough of the down sections of the rollercoaster for a week or two please TSM!!)

So, I guess 14.5 units Saturday. Perhaps 25 on Sunday (24/7 drinking). And say 21 yesterday (even though I was very happy with my evening pattern).

I think the wine is dangerous to throw into the mix right now. The stuff I have is very light (but strong in alcohol), and without the noticeable endorphin rush it might as well be fruit juice that really nicely relaxes me, and without bloating me too much. I'm used to the strength and quantity of light lager, so I have a handle on drinking that. For the purposes of TSM (not how much we drink but how often we drink on Nal) I think I'd better stick with the beer!!!

At the same time, being positive, although I was very worried to have fallen back to 24/7 drinking I HAVE managed to break the cycle after just a few days, and hopefully having given in may have actually extinguished some of those particular triggers

So Endeth the Book of 8 for today

What a bonus for us that we are now "examining" our drinking patterns. Before I found TSM I was not drinking all that much, just wanted to stop. Had no real idea of quantities, or more importantly, pattern and triggers. It was all vague in my head. All I knew is that I kept trying to stop, then would find myself on my knees, feeling horrible and wanting to try to stop...again.

Now reading posts like yours and so many others I see we all have triggers, and a pattern we follow. What TSM does for us that's different now though is that we have a weapon to use when the triggers and pattern exhibit themselves. This, IMO, is a huge step forward. Hope your week is a "progressive" one

I love it!

All the best, 8.

V.

Ladies and gents, our reading for the day is taken from The Book of 8, Week 11, Day One

16 UK units last night over seven hours, not too bad really, and I again opened a final beer only to struggle to take a few sips and promptly took it to the 'alcohol disposal site' (as I have re-christened the kitchen sink )

So the week looks like this: 21, 30, 14.5, 25, 21, 16, 16.

For a grand total of 143.5 UK units - a new PB! This week did include a few days of 24/7 drinking as well as a very boozy night out though, so I'm not too concerned (though I probably should be )

The problem for me units-wise is the wine I have taken to. I have some very drinkable white that is rather strong - 13.5% alcohol for a total of just under 11 units a bottle. I think I'll be aiming to switch to a weaker wine - 12% would give me 9 units, which when added to the coupla beers I inevitably also have would be a total I'd be happy with most nights; around 13.

Hi 8,

That's what I also aim for.

Best.

V.

Well, week eleven is over, and for once I am making a 'weekly progress' report in my weekly progress thread, rather than posting constantly - wonder if it's another side effect of Nal

Although still way beyond what I am happy with (a daily 'maintenance' of around 12 UK units - a happy balance between my drinking and subsequent anxiety levels) my drinking is down on my last few, very high consumption weeks.

17, 17, 19.2, 15.2, 15.4, 15, 12.5 UK units for a total of 111.3.

I'm happy this week as I have rather effortlessly reduced my daily imbibing back to a level I'm comfortable with. A big part of this I think has been slowly shifting over from just wine to one of glass of wine followed by light beers. I'm used to the quantity of light beers, and find it hard to sip wine slowly enough, or know when to stop. 500ml of light beer too much isn't really a problem, but 500ml of wine certainly is!!

Now, the trick is to try to keep it there or thereabouts!

I've also been struck again by how little of the story the numbers really tell. The last few very heavy weeks have included days of 24/7 drinking, and drinking from much earlier in the day than my 'normal' evening routine. Having more units over a longer time frame I don't think makes much difference to my liver really. It could be an 'extinction burst', but a lot of it is to do with relief from anxiety, so it's impossible to tell (and would be anyway until a later date, at which point hopefully I'll be cured).

I've hesitated to put all my figures in my signature till now, as they don't really tell me anything (yet) but I think I may as well. At least new members will see from my experience also that this is a long haul, perhaps.

So, trying not to get too excited as I enter the next four weeks when the studies showed great success for many people. Just be patient, keep popping my Nal, and keep trying not to overdo things too often.

8

love reading your posts. Keep up the good work You give us all a lot of insight into how it is working.