Evan, yes I lied And I share your feelings about most doctors, and believe that those of us who are intelligent and thoroughly-researched know much more than most of them about many of these subjects.

No day-time drinking at all for me, nor any craving to whatsoever. Milkshakes and good clean water were my tipples of choice (oh, and nice strong pints of Ribena) .

Tonight's beers held no attraction for me whatsover in advance, I have almost forced myself to start drinking them out of both habit (which needs extinguishing) and also for the sedative effect rather than taking any more diazepam. No doubt they will become more enjoyable, but my target is four 'light' 500ml beers at 2 UK units each (my usual tipple) though I will max out at five, which will be 10 UK units, and is pretty acceptable to me.

Well, here is most of my post duplicated from my other thread, regarding my general physical health, because it has somewhat of a bearing on the contents of this thread too I think. (from viewtopic.php?f=7&t=787).

'...

Update for today - I slept very well last night, after about 9 UK units yesterday evening (a great leap forward in moderation for me). That made about 12 all told yesterday with my morning Whisky. I felt VERY sick today - this is the result of all I've been through for the last six days, but al least a little better than yesterday.

I felt less anxious though and far more able to control my Valium use. I took 4 2 mg tablet sover the course of the day, another huge improvement. I discussed tapering down this next week with my Gp and he prescribed enough to do that. I have forced myself to eat more today, so am still lacking energy. It will take me a few good days to build back up.

I pointed out that the surge in my anxiety had coincided with the norovirus I had a few weeks ago, the lack of eating for a week, and subsequent loss of appetite/nutrition/blood sugar. He dismissed that but it still seems a huge coincidence to me. Someone kindly posted about that earlier in this thread I think, so that is one of my research-starting points when I go back.

My GP again tried to prescribe me Prozac, despite my concerns. In the end I suggested that I spend the next week tapering down the sedatives and trying to get my nutrition/eating back on track now I am not drinking (cough, cough) and review in seven days, at which point we will continue to discuss anti-depressants (and to be honest I have become so sick of feeling like this I am getting tempted).

Then I mentioned that I'd heard of Beta-Blockers used for anxiety and he said 'oh YES that's a good idea' (!!) so he said we will talk about those as a first option ahead of the Prozac. This has given me the breathing space to hopefully build up over the next couple of days to feel well enough to research ALL my options (many of which you guys have so kindly suggested) before I see him next week.
...'

Well, just started my fourth beer tonight; that's doing about one light beer every hour and a half

All have been horrible and gassy, and an effort to finish. I'm just continuing to plug away because drinking and staying up late online's something I've done for years while stuck at home as a carer - so good extinguishing going on here I think (and hope!)

Total units for today will end up being 8 UK units - that's less than a bottle of wine, and quite remarkable for me (but then I am pretty sick right now so mustn't get TOO carried away)...still

Hey Eight,

Thanks for your words on my threads...

Hang tight,..I think (my 2.5 cents) as your head clears and extinction begins, your anxiety will wane. I used to be so afraid of going over bridges (for some reason after my relapse its not quite as bad) but sober I had NO panic attacks,..I've heard this story from many others too...but as you probably intuit,..the drugs perpetuate the anxiety. It's contradictory because by using alcohol or valium, the problem temporarily goes away only to come bACK like gangbusters.....

Your obviously very with it and I hope one day we all meet and those of us who are lucky to have our significant others (mine has me on the couch and thinks this method's is an excuse to drink...she's VERY angry even after reading Julia's story in the book),...can all have one big happy reunion.....one thing i'D LIKE TO DO is organize some cyber meetings. They're fun...I know because I was doing the AA ones and if they were fun I can only imagine....I will talk to Nick and see if we can get a site to start this...the way the AAers do it is to have times and then they have different rooms. One holds the meeting, the other rooms i.e. the smoking room, are where people just shoot the breeze,....

You hang tight my friend WE NEED YOU!!!! I'm only 2 weeks in and its people like you that keep me grounded(yeah I know you're just a little longer than me but you offer hope....)...Best Eight,...I'm a pianist and will play eight days a week for you any day (actually I can play all of McCartneys catalog including such gems as Martha My Dear and Maybe I'm Amazed)

A little something to share

Thanks so much guys, for the kind words and encouragement Jim especially (sorry too tired to reply properly, but I appreciated everything you said, and we are all hanging out for you too bud)

BUT it seems like I've misled a few with my user name lol. I'm not especially a Paul fan, though I admire his cheeriness and ear for the purest of melodies, and have occasionally aspired to the same. I relate more to the torn (tortured?) emotions of John. George is my hero of them all, and I'll be aiming for the spiritual peace and insight he had once I'm a bit more back on my feet, and especially once this boozy monkey's off my slightly-tipsy back hehe.

Jeez all I need is a touch of the Ringo about me I guess and I could have been one of the greatest one-man bands ever

My biggest musical confession I guess is that I'm a HUGE Coldplay fan, which will no doubt put some people off me lol. All I can say is search out Gravity on Youtube, then come back tell me I have no taste (And Jim would LOVE to hear that played on piano my friend )

Today's mini-update: felt very ill - weak, confused, panicky, dizzy - but tried to increase my nutrition and get myself busier around the house to take my mind off it. 8 mg of diazepam during the day as ordered by my doc for the taper. Drinking-wise never even felt like a beer, but started out of habit. Quite enjoyed the second one, so considered taking a little bit more Nal, as I didn't like that feeling, but it's too early to start considering that the 50mg as per the formula won't have me cured, especially after so many glimmers

Now, three hours later I have still only half-finished my third light beer (that would usually be less than an hour's work for me). No doubt habit will make me have the fourth, but for the second day in a row it looks like I'm heading for a total of 8 UK units which, though sick, I'm absolutely delighted with.

Best wishes to all, even though I'm not able to follow everyone else's posts as much as I would wish - in fact hardly at all right now

8

Coldplay - Gravity (download link)

http://www.mediafire.com/?xq2orjkt1zm

Couldn't resist, hope some people enjoy it

xxx 8

So, 8 UK units Saturday night.

Yesterday though I realised that on top of everything else this week I'd had a heavy cold - just the other stuff had distracted me from it. Having recovered somewhat, I was feeling a little bit back to my stronger boozy ways last night. The first two tinnies flew down, but the third and fourth were again a struggle. From the habit of pre-planning more drink than usual I opened a fifth but didn't finish it...so a grand total (with two slighly stronger beers last night) of 9.5 UK units which I'm very happy about

Today - a different story. After a bad night's sleep my anxiety and panic suddenly went through THE ROOF. My heart has been trying to burst from my chest all day, and my benzo taper (whiich I think may have been too quick) has gone out the window. 14mg of diazepam so far, and it's not yet 5pm. BUT I take an antacid, and have read somewhere that they stop diazepam working, so I'm going to call the doc to confirm...that may be why I've felt little relief for taking such a high dose (for me 5mg usually puts me to sleep!)

Tonight's plan, with one lager in the house and not able to drive, is to have that one lager. The prospect of having less doesn't really bother me, but then I have other things on my mind.

My graph at the end of this is going to be crazy!!

<edit> Ho hum, well the addict in me is still stronger than I thought. No sooner had I had that one beer than I got four more delivered to the door...just one is an impossibility right now I guess. And, they are going down well (BOO!) and calming my heart in a way a huge (for me) amount of diazepam didn't all day long. But, I will still end up at less than 10 UK units tonight which I'm not too disappointed with.

Firstly my friends I should say that after my 'rock bottom' episode last week, things have absolutely picked up emotionally. The anxiety alone is the problem right now, but as long as I stay away from the hard liquor I don't get too depressed about it. My nutrition is improving and I supplement (always) anyway.

So, 16mg of diazepam on Monday (ouch) but a much better day yesterday of 6, back up to 8 today. After a few weeks on daily benzos I've been told I'm now dependent, and I think my 'maintenance' dose is around 6 to 10mg a day, which I hope to taper from slowly over the next few weeks.

From today I am supplementing also with amino acids that I hope will help with anxiety and withdrawing from the benzos, and 5-HTP to hopefully lift my mood (I am not generally depressed but sometimes am, and alcohol is a depressant as we all know).

Drinking-wise yesterday 14 UK units; my usual count of six light beers in the evening and an extra at a birthday lunch. Today I will try to stick to 12.

I will soon go back through this thread and count up weekly totals, as surely the time is coming soon to take a look back on TSM in action for me so far, even though I have felt no progress after 8 weeks, though I have had many a glimmer

Good to hear things have picked up this week for you 8 Days.
Hope the anxiety eases up for you.
6DIJ

11.5 UK units last night. I looked forward to drinking all day, but after the first beer I realised (with great disappointment!) that all my anticipation was for nothing - once again, no pleasure derived at all, just a slight relief of my anxiety. The following beers were just a 'formality' born from habit. The final one I didn't want, but once I'd opened it I drank to the end, again out of habit.

Today's the day I will go back and add up my weekly totals, just for the record.