I thought I would first apologize for not keeping an accurate diary. But suffice to say day 1 was a little less...I felt the Nal and it had an immediate effect.6-8 units. Day 2 had a mini panic attack and I mean mini that subsided after I had a few drinks.

Through the week I drank about the same on some days a little more on 2 days and yesterday, I had an alcohol free day. I realize this is the honeymoon effect.

At first I was like wait a minute could this be...then I said I should probably drink (habit not craving),..then I said Why? There's no need if you don't feel it. Well unlike other times I've white knuckled it was a pretty easy choice although, I knew there would be little to no sleep which I'd be lucky if I got 4 hours on and off...but that goes away after a couple days anyways once I'm sober or drinking normally. I will give you the highlights of my second journey to the shrink,...most importantly, she gave me another scrip for nal and I won't see her for another month. But sadly we have to lie in order to get what we need. I take 25 mg as I only drink in the evenings,..usually 6-10 drinks.


"Listen,..can you give me 2-3 minutes to describe the method?"

"I'll give you 45 seconds...but have you been drinking?"

Well yes, but you must understand I'm doing the Sinclair Method"

I proceed to give her my schpiel(sp) and she goes..."Well I don't believe it"

"You need to take naltrexone daily AND NOT DRINK!"

"But there won't be pharmaceutical extinction without it"

"Look you can come in here and try and tell me whatever and it will fall off my shoulders like rain...ok?

"I'm not trying to make you mad or question you I just think this is some valid research"

"Have you been going to meetings? What other therapy have you been going to? Have you been to CAB? There's one in Salem or Lynn,..Which is easier?"

"I guess salem...."

good well then here's the #. Call them"

"Do you have a sponsor? How many meetings have you been to?"

"Maybe 3 or 4 (lie none...no hatred for AA here,..I was a chip carrying member for 4.5 years and liked it most of that time,..just wasn't getting it this time and I hate living in the fear of a hard relapse being afraid of booze))

"I'm also having problems with sleep...could I have some ambien?"

"Absolutely not its a controlled substance...I can't give an alcoholic that...you have blackouts when was the last one 3 months ago? (actually it was about 3 days ago)...you're in tough shape and need to get better....no drinking and take your naltrexone daily...I don't care.... do the Sinclair Method....(HA HA....Then she gives me an ok to follow the Sinclair MEthod! Case closed!). Here's another prescription for Naltrexone as you will run out before I see you next month...OK Take care,...goodbye" "Thanks Doc Have a nice day"

Hang tight folks. By the way,...so i have the extra receptors today having a washout day yesterday, and went to the driving range with a dear friend who taught me the basics of driving with a 1, 5 and 7 iron. It was incredibly satisfying per the book,..Positive reinforcement. Don't know if I'll make a day 2 alcohol free but we know what to do
Drinking +Naltrexone=cure Take care, Jim

Jim - I hope golf does not get extinguished w/ NAL for you. And I have never been able to drive w/ a 5, 7 or 9 iron unless it is a short par 3 and even then, I am a (advanced beginner) woman and do not hit farther than about 125-150 yds no matter what club I'm hitting. But I digress...:-))

Our "psychiatrists" can be so freaking frustrating - mine I use for the drug only and has actually been more receptive and open about TCM the last few months, prescribing 100 mgs last visit. Hang in - as I am. I have no clue what I am doing, but continue to keep the faith even while getting semi-blotto most nights.

Oh yeah - this is working!! :-X

I am finishing week two and have observed a few things. But let me tell you about last night.

First of all, I lead a band last night at a high end wedding here on Cape Cod, it consisted of 2 horns, bass, two guitars, keys(myself) and drums. 4 vocalists. My point to telling you this,...it was a high stress situation. (We don't have the same band but use a consortium of musicians from, Berklee, New England Conservatory, etc....so it can be exciting to meet all these great musicians unless they're real young and don't know who the Police are,...I'm not kidding..sorry if you feel old...but the musicians were all great and I knew 80% of them and they knew who the Police were.

Normally, the way I lead a band is through the dinner set, I play nice quiet instrumentals and vocal Sinatra, Ella, Roberta Flack.. etc etc ,...stuff that although cliche, doesn't piss off the demographic that's over 70. This groom, albeit nice guy, staRTED complaining to the wedding planner right away. I DON"T WANT ANY SWING!!!!!(or Latin, salsa or ANY SLOW MUSIC ALL NIGHT) So she runs over to me and says,...hey,...you gotta pick it up he's already complaining...this is the first song while they're eating dinner,...first dances haven't even been done yet....so,..mind you,...the bar is completely stocked. Ketel, (Martini glasses), Johnny Walker (Black not red), Patron, you get the idea, great brew...Alcoholics dream or umm nightmare....I left my Nal in the car and I have 20 people coming up to me constantly...oh and I provided the PA and one of the singers is OCD (for real), and keeps f***ing with the mixer and periodically feedback barks out but all in all, that part of it was fine. We started in on 60's soul and rock with a heavy backbeat...catastrophe averted.

The first dances went without a hitch (I screwed up the announcement of them as husband and wife a little,..but not catastrophically), oddly they picked the Way you make me feel by Michael Jackson, but the other two songs were Isn't she Lovely and Just the way you are (must've been mom's request, this guy's favorite bands were AC/DC and the Stones...Then we launched into "You Shook me All Night Long"...yes AC/DC before they even ate but oddly,..these cats filled the dance floor (the old folk looked on with horror)....ok,...I'm not used to this early on but I can adjust....being a keyboard, pianist, I tend to the soul/funk jazz side. Elton John, marvin Gaye, etc...These folks weren't really feeling ANY of that. So my challenge lay ahead.

I set the scene just to point out, since I do this for a living, its not like a wedding is a trigger,..its all a trigger. I have the one job where we can bitch if A) we're not allowed to drink on the gig (which we stilll do we just bring our own and B) we have to pay for it.....so i can mute out the fact that I want/need a drink just to calm down because I'm forced to have too much responsibility at this point. On our first break (still eating dinner, I would normally play Ella Fitzgerald with Billy May or Duke Ellington, instead I played Stones, Beggars Banquet and Frampton Comes Alive, he was happy with that), I snuck out to the car and grabbed my 25 mg Nal like House grabbing his vicodin. So we ate, and I grabbed a brew and we started another set . I let it sit for 45 minutes. Started in on it....

Had 3-5 more units because I had so much responsibility. But there was no obsessing during the gig. Possibly because I was occupied mentally. But that was normal even pre TSM.

We continued to rock hard the rest of the night with more AC/DC, Stones, 80's crap...hey i even played keyboards on a Ramones song. That was a first..hahahaha. I forced em to listen to our female vocalist slay "At Last" by Etta James because a lot of the people wanted at least something they could snuggle up close to their loved ones to...and she absolutely made Etta James proud..wow

After we were done though, I didn't feel any relief from my usual drinkinghabit. I also had another musician buy me a 24 ounce Bass for the ride home. So I was basically sober upon leaving the gig (I drank 7-8 units over about 3-4 hours during the wedding). I had about 4 ounces of jim Beam that I mixed with Coke for the ride home (about 2 hours). As I was driving home though, I drank relatively slowly, but felt little to none of it. At the 1,5 hour mark I had finished the Beam and Coke and stopped , peed and slammed the Bass the guy bought me kinda craving a buzz. Felt a little more of a buzz not much, got home, spoke with the Mrs. and actually craved more so i had a few shots of Rum. I tell it in such detail, as I was saddened that I didn't feel less craving. I basically drank like I used to...the only difference is that maybe I would've drunk more on the gig,..but being the leader, even pre TSM, I could always keep it in check enough if I was the leader...

Comments...tomorrow will be the beginning of week 3. My wife is definitely not down with this method,...we fought on the phone on my way back but I kinda smoothed it when I got home because I wasn't loaded. I have to lie to her and tell her I had 2 units. I hate that....

Have you shown her Dr. Eskapa's "Letter to a Concerned Spouse"?

Jim

Hello and welcome to the board.

We share a similar situation. My husband also wasn't on board with TSM. He wanted me to go into rehab -- heck, maybe he still does, I don't know. But even he, the eternal skeptic, has noticed positive changes in my drinking habits.

I will be honest with you. It did not happen at Week 2. Or at Week 10. I am 21 weeks into the program and nowhere near cured (unfortunately). I am drinking somewhat less, yes, but still more than I would like. But the biggest motivator is the way drinking affects my personality now. I don't say things I don't mean, I don't do stupid stuff, I remember conversations the next day. It's weird. I'm drinking but I act like I'm sober, and I FEEL sober (though a breathalyzer test would quickly reveal that I'm not.) It's hard to explain.

I don't know what your drinking background is, if you've been to AA, rehab, or just made promises you couldn't deliver. This is my first foray into sobriety, though I've attended a few AA meetings and couldn't get outta there fast enough!

I hope you have your wife's support. Maybe you could show her a few success stories here and get her onboard. If not, there's a fantastic group of people here who will cheer you on.

Best of luck to you in your journey.

Thanks so much for the responses,...you just don't know how important it is to hear these words of understanding and encouragement

Oh yes, been to AA 4.5 years sober....I described my relapse elsewhere,...but suffice to say, i'm going to try this....but in 20 weeks I'll probably be a single man...I'll either

A) have to continue to hide and try and stay relatively sober in straight peoples eyes (you know what I mean 8-10 units a DAY,...don't fall down or act drunk),..which I can do on most sessions

or

B) Abandon the program and look at all of you with envy knowing I could've been cured.

I'm going to pick A and try and moderate which I was told so long as you drink it will extinguish,..doesn't matter how much right? Cuz if I am able to keep levels down with difficulty, so long as I drink I was told ultimately it will extinguish....tonight I will try a martini and 2-4 beers...best to all, Jim

Jim I know your pain with convincing the spouse. I only hope she'll stick with me. She has seen me through the abstinence programs and watched me fail. I believe she is getting it though. I had a pint of Crown, .5 full, in the house a while ago and it didn't get touched for a week. Same is true for other things, her wine, rum, etc. Normally I'd finish the beer and then gobble up whatever was left.
So, she'll start seeing the changes.
Best of luck.

Wow rapper,..you sound like me...we have a liquor cabinet and I slowly over months emptied it all. These incredible tequilas that she would get when travelling to Mexico (spanish and Portuguese professor). So I told her I'll be abstinent when I'm done. As of now that pisses me off, but I think at worst I could sneak when I'm at a wedding and if this program is as good as it seems like it has been for you rapper, then I'll be able to with ease have a few...am I right that your levels are currently at cured level?

Thanks so much everybody. Nantucket tomorrow, and then Martha's Vineyard Saturday. Tomorrow night I'll have my own room on Nantucket but have to wake up at 6.30 Saturday to catch the boat to get to teh Vineyard. That might be tough...Best to all,..Jim

I'm sorry if my signature was misleading. That 20 is the week I am on. I haven't finished the week yet. I put it there so I wouldn't have to keep going to the calendar and counting.
I am getting there though. I do not know how long to expect. I have been drinking/ abusing something since I was 14 years old(first time got drunk at a party was 10). I am 39 now. I feel that this is the right plan. Convincing certain others that I have to answer to may be another story. But I am choosing life, no matter other cosequences.

Rapper - this is a first! First time getting drunk at 10? You actually have me beat because I was 11. At 46, I still have some more years of experience to extinguish, but I'm on my way. I'm happy you've already found TSM, and I hope your journey will be shorter than mine. Either way, you're on the right path.