Virgil's Progress

Virgil · **Posted:** Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:48 am

Lo0p wrote:

Virgil wrote:

I know this might seem strange but I'm not sure how to recognize the FDE, as you call it. Is this what is meant by 'the buzz'? What are the special characteristics of the first drink effect? In what way are its effects different from the second or third or Nth drink? Perhaps you could clarify this for me.

I can try to describe it from my own subjective POV. When I get home from a long day of work and take that first big swill of whatever, about five minutes later when that nasty **** hits my bloodstream and reaches my brain I feel this: An enormous sigh of relief, I exhale as though I've been holding my breath all day long. It's a very comforting feeling. And then intoxication ensues.

This for me now, while drinking on Nal, is gone. All I get is the intoxication, and as I get further intoxicated it does feel comfortable, but the "rush" has disappeared.

I used to be a pill popper (vicodin, opioids) when I was 18 and since that addiction and Al are essentially the same addiction I recognize that feeling immediately. For you, if your endorphin system has been only partially deactivated all these months even if you are experiencing the FDE (endorphin rush) it may be blunted, so that you might have a hard time identifying it.

HiLo0p,

OK, I'm with you now. Thanks for the explanation. On reflection, I think it would be fair to say that I only experience a slight FDE; the comforting feeling after the first drink is minimal. But, it increases with each successive drink.

BTW, I really appreciate your input as I can't see the wood for the trees!

Thanks again.

V.

minneapolisnick · **Joined:** Tue May 19, 2009 2:17 pm **Posts:** 1793

Hey V. --

Let me help you separate the wood from the forest. Yes, starting all over again is disheartening if it means you are repeating six months of futility. HOWEVER, starting all over again with a method that works for you -- slowly but surely, and in addition, increases your control and clarity while you are drinking -- is not disheartening, it's literally saving your life!

So, to me, this is potentially great news, assuming that the issue here is simply that you needed a higher dose.

All my best to you V. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Nick

Elfern · **Posted:** Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:30 pm

I go with what WTE says , stick with it as long as you can regardless of doing the test (the expense factor's an additional drag !)
I'm rooting for you too crossing everything too.
Above all stay in touch .

and....
Say hi to blighty for me by the way , I've little to visit now and been twice in ten years ! it's more the old times I miss than the place .

Virgil · **Posted:** Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:17 am

Hi Folks,

Well, another week has rolled by - and still no change of which I'm aware. So, that means I have just completed 27 weeks on TSM. I have been taking 100 mg naltrexone (one hour before drinking) for just over three weeks. Some members of this community have suggested that I may be starting afresh. I will almost certainly go ahead with the Asp40 allele test but the earliest that I can get it done is 15 October. I have to accept that TSM does not work for everyone and I may be one of those people. It's tough.

V.

eight days a week · **Posted:** Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:42 am

V, I think it very wise to go ahead with that test, whatever the cost, but I am still absolutely hanging out for you that the 100mg will start to show results soon.

My very best

8

minneapolisnick · **Joined:** Tue May 19, 2009 2:17 pm **Posts:** 1793

If you are starting over, extinction is months away. If it doesn't work, there are other options besides a life of drinking. Something will work for you -- it just has to.

My best,

Nick

happy4once · **Posted:** Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:05 am

Hi Virgil,

If you stop, are you planning to try something else? If not, and you can afford to keep your script refilled, then it won't hurt to continue on I suppose other than the frustration...of which you have had more than your share. I don't know about that test...have you pm'd Dr. Roy about it to see if he thinks it's worthwhile? It would certainly bring a sigh of relief if the results came back positive for you and you knew you just had to tough it out a bit longer.

Also, I agree with LOop on the first drink feeling - for me it was an immediate slow burn that went all the way through my limbs. And then I would just keep drinking until drunk, but that first burn was what I craved all day. That was went away immediately for me.

I hope you stick around and share with us even if you feel it's time to stop. Your posts are helping many, even if you are not getting the results back that you deserve (which just breaks my heart).

All my best to you.

Virgil · **Posted:** Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:52 am

happy4once wrote:

Hi Virgil,

If you stop, are you planning to try something else? If not, and you can afford to keep your script refilled, then it won't hurt to continue on I suppose other than the frustration...of which you have had more than your share. I don't know about that test...have you pm'd Dr. Roy about it to see if he thinks it's worthwhile? It would certainly bring a sigh of relief if the results came back positive for you and you knew you just had to tough it out a bit longer.

Also, I agree with LOop on the first drink feeling - for me it was an immediate slow burn that went all the way through my limbs. And then I would just keep drinking until drunk, but that first burn was what I craved all day. That was went away immediately for me.

I hope you stick around and share with us even if you feel it's time to stop. Your posts are helping many, even if you are not getting the results back that you deserve (which just breaks my heart).

All my best to you.

Hi h4o,

I must first apologize for not having got back to you sooner. If you read my weekly update below, it might go some way towards explaining the delay in replying to you. So, to answer your questions:

If you stop, are you planning to try something else? If I stop, I have to try something else but I'm not going to stop just yet.

I don't know about that test...have you pm'd Dr. Roy about it to see if he thinks it's worthwhile? I am currently in regular contact with Dr Eskapa but it looks as if the test would be inconclusive so I probably will not go ahead with it.

Thanks for your kind words.

V.

Virgil · **Posted:** Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:57 am

WaitingToExhale wrote:

Virgil - I increased right behind you and can't say I have felt any change either. It just may be true that if we were not getting the full "block" needed, we are only now getting true extinction happening. It sucks - I know.

Hang in there for the test results. I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine. =)

Hi WTE,

Again, many apologies for not having got back to you sooner.

I'll certainly hold your hand - consider it done!

All the best.

V.

Virgil · **Posted:** Wed Sep 30, 2009 3:43 am

Hello Everyone!

The last week has been dreadful. The frustration of TSM hit me 'big time'. I have been doing my head in trying to get answers to questions that I consider to be of utmost importance. I'm fed up with being in this dark abyss from day to day. I'm desperately trying to shed some light on key issues. And it now looks as though the Asp40 DNA test would be inconclusive so it's going on the back-burner. The combination of my anxiety and this ongoing frustration sometimes tips me over the edge (and causes me to drink more). A few days ago, I even resorted to minor self-harm; I'll talk with my therapist about this later today. I also made a 'phone-call to the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) in the early hours of the morning and, as usual, they were very helpful.

So, I've now been on TSM for 28 weeks and my naltrexone dose has been 100 mg for the last 4 weeks. Dr Eskapa is of the view that I am not effectively starting from square one as a result of increasing my dose. I am no longer taking a benzo on a regular basis (as of last Friday) so that's one less variable to have to consider.

I have made an appointment to see a psychiatrist tomorrow to review my situation and current medication. He'll probably refer me to the specialist alcohol unit, which may prove beneficial.

In the meantime, I will continue with TSM and give my brain a rest.

V.

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