Hi,
I started TSM 2 1/2 weeks ago. I have a history of chronic benders/binge drinking mainly done in bars and clubs and with other heavy drinking friends. I am 33 and basically live in fear of where a drink will take me. At the same time, I simply cannot stay abstinent. The thing is, I love getting drunk(and high).....which makes me feel rather pethetic actually considering how much time/money/problems etc etc I waste/cause doing just that. I know I need to calm down and a huge part of me really wants to. Problem is, I fear another part does not. Sometimes I will head out planning a couple, have important things on next day and the devil gets in me and I am off again. Wild Horses couldn't stop me. Is that my weakness? OR my addiction? I am praying that Naltrexone can, over time, help me fall out of love with this seductive beast.

2 1/2 weeks in and certainly not a great start. Had three big binges already. Have finsihed a script of Lorazepan now and will not be getting more. Apparently they affect TSM but I would just have them for wehn I could not sleep....i.e after bender cos so toxix.

So far, I guess I have been very blasse, almost giving myself permission to drink heavily and not taking some of the precautions I would have done pre-TSM - eg visualisations, avoiding certain places/people, alternating drinks etc etc. Now, this certainly didn't always work.....but 2 1/2 weeks in and I have decided to start at least TRYING to be more responsible. I will commence a journal, set myself goals and do my best to stick to them, always taking the pill an hour before. There was alot of evidence/people on here to suggest that one should just 'carry on normal' but I think I have misinterpreted that and used it as an excuse to let my hair down way too much. Hey, it's fun at the time but these 3 day party benders just can not go on. I really hope I can find the strength in me to get responsible. I hope the Nal will be my good friend on this journey. I get encouragemmnet from some of the posts where they say that after a certain time, something miraculous realy does happen....i hope so and have faith in this, but its kinda tough now. Guess I was hoping for something miraculous from the start.

Alot of my friends are heavy drinkers and there is a big culture in London for heavy sessions. It's all about 'getting f*Cked up' and crazy, not about sipping a few glasses. I am here to try and change the habit of a lifetime. I have tried everything else.
Now, I will start planning aswell as taking the pill. I want to put a proper effort in, even if it doesn't always work, at least I am trying my best. Mostly, I have to accept that at this stage trying to navigate through 3 parties on Thurs, Fri and Sat is probably not a good idea at all.........get outta dodge dude!

Anyways, i know its a long waffle but wanted to get my situ across, it may help others as well as myself. WIll keep posting my weekly numbers on this forum.

PRE TSM 100 + UK Units(2 AF days and maybe one normal drinking session and then the dreaded bender....)
Weeks are WEd-Wed
Week 1 - TSM 100+ Units
Week2 - TSM 80+ Units
Week 3 - TSM 100+ Units(but will AF it now until Thursday)