Hello all!

First, I would like to thank everyone for their input and support thus far and those that came before me and are/were willing to share their journey in great detail. It very much appreciated, thank you!!

Little background:
Without going into any great detail, I am 36, wife is ready to leave me, we have 3 kids and I started drinking at 19. Just a party here or there until I was 21. Graduated college in 4 years and have no problems AL in regards to work, but, the cravings start around 4pm and intensify until I get home at 5:30'ish when the beer fest begins. For the past 4 years I have been drinking about 6-10 beers a night during the week and 10-15'ish on the weekends. That is down from about 12 per night (and more on the weekends) the 11 years prior. I avoided hard AL the whole time knowing I was high risk. There is some strong drinking history in my family.

I have had plenty of the typical bad images at work, home, with friends, etc. No run-ins with the law (thank God!!!). I am I afraid of the traditional treatments due to having the stigma tied to my resume, med record and Rx record not to mention the abysmal success rates. Rehab scares the crap out of me for the same reasons and more!

I was SO exited to find this option!!!! Wife is open to it, though I have not been very successful getting her to listen to details of TSM. This results in her putting a few guidelines on my drinking I am not totally comfortable with yet, but, I will work through it. I am hoping she notices the little improvements that come along as TSM progresses and becomes more understanding and supportive. Until then, I need to make sure my drinking doesn't hurt her anymore than it already has while I take this wild ride!

Took my first dose (25mg) yesterday at 7:15pm. Around 7:45 I started feeling a little spacey and jittery while I was cleaning the kitchen. No nausea or anything else (other than maybe a faint tinny flavor) and even the spacey jitteryness wasn’t too bad. Had my first beer at 8:15 and the jitters went away leaving me feeling a bit “stoned” as Ives put it earlier today. I got a chuckle when he characterized it that way because that is exactly what I was thinking about the feeling last night. Didn’t finish that 1st drink until nearly 9pm. Had 2 more by 10pm. There was more available, but, I didn’t feel the need for it.

I am not ready to 100% jump on the honeymoon bandwagon just yet, but, 3 beers that slow and stopping with more available is not at all common for me. However, neither is waiting until 8pm, drinking while lounging on the couch watching TV, or pouring my beer in a glass, all of which I did last night. Usually, I keep my beer in the garage or with me in the kitchen drinking while doing chores, etc. I am not sure if it was 100% the Nal or if these other little changes from my normal drinking habit can be credited with not drinking as much. The taste may have been different due to pouring a can into a glass which I am not used to.

I am hoping it is the Nal! I will get a better idea tonight and keep you all posted. Thanks for reading, and feel free to offer any observations or questions on anything I may have missed.

Forgot to mention:

Slept ok, no problem falling asleep, however I did wake up just about every hour or so, but was able to roll over and go back to sleep. Also, had my first dream in quite some time. Wasn't anything super vivid or scary like others have experienced (at least I don't think it was ).
It was my wife and older son and I at a pizza joint with games and TONS of kids. Two of the kids kept stealing stuff from my son's pockets and running off. Eventually they picked one of my pockets and I chased them around for awhile unable to catch them. Anyone want to read into that???

Squirrel, three beers instead of 6-10 sounds like nal is defintiely working!!!!

Squirrel - well done. Excellent 1st day.

What was your wife's reaction? To your drinking - not your dream

The strange metallic taste is one of the side effects of Nal. I drank a pint of Stella at 5.4% and it felt like I was drinking gasoline. I had to give it to two friends to taste just to see if I was imagining it (I was). A weaker Heineken at 4% tasted much better.

Keep up the good work,

Andy.

2nd day of Nal (25mg)+AL...Strange ride so far. I didn't get any of the jittery or semi-'stoned' feelings I had last night. Slight feeling of being warm, which I noticed last night as well. Drinking my beer out of the can tonight to see if it is any different than last night's slightly metallic flavor...well, it is slightly different. Tonight it sort of tastes like a pepper beer, and the pepper had been wrapped in aluminum foil. Again the drinking has been very slow, I sat here reading threads with my beer within reach, for a half hour WITHOUT TOUCHING IT, with no conscious effort to ignore it. I am an hour in now and have only had less than 1.5 beers. My wife is out with a friend and the little ones are sleeping, normally this is a huge trigger and I would be 4-5 deep by now, a trigger I more than happy to extinguish!!

Andy asked how my wife reacted to my consumption last night. Well, she went to bed an hour before I did while I stayed downstairs, so, she didn't really know what I ended up doing until this morning. While we were getting ready this morning I mentioned I only had three and poured the fourth out. I have been getting 24oz. beers to limit what is available and help reduce my intake in an effort to make her feel more comfortable with this process and me. So the 'fourth' I poured out was the last half of my second can. She didn't say a whole lot about me only having three and since she seemed a little stand-offish I didn't get into any of the details I posted earlier today. I guess I didn't need to...she read this thread this afternoon. I told her I am glad she did, I want to share this with her. I need to share this with her. I want and need her support through this. If you (my WIFE) reads this, I want you to know, I will do everything I can to meet you in the middle on as much of this as possible. I am sure there will be some rough spots, but, please believe in me, the reasearch I have done, and the research that shows this works for the vast majority who follow it. Stick with me babe, I love and need you!!!

She feels like I am making excuses to keep drinking. My thought is, why would I be following TSM if I wanted to keep drinking? If drinking was that important it would be a lot easier if we split and went our own ways rather than try and work through this method and the roller coaster it is. But, that is not what I want. I want her, and the kids, and our lives...TOGETHER!! That is why I am here. I want to regain control, and wouldn't be crushed if this leads to abstinence like Bob3d seems to be headed. She is scared of the possible SE's of Nal, mainly because I didn't go through a Doc and she is becoming more aware this isn't a 3-month and done gig. She asked if I had taken Nal to work with me today to take before I came home. I had, but, hadn't taken it yet. She wanted me to wait until we were home since this and the experience with the SE's are still new (how can you drive when you are 'stoned?' <--- let me clarify this, my body felt heavy, the difference is my mind was clear!). Since she got upset I didn't wait until she was home last night for my first dose I decided to wait until I was home tonight to take it. I am wondering if it might be a bit of a factor in the limited numbers last night and feel tonight will be very similar. I may continue to wait until I get home before taking it for this reason even if the side effects completely diminish.

I completely understand her concerns, with both the nal and our relationship at the moment. I know this hasn't been easy for her. Her toughest moment, both emotionally and mentally, was two weeks ago. I left VERY early on a Saturday morning to go fishing with some buddies. I wasn't driving, fishing with a bunch the guys all day long, good food, and a great spot...no stopping me from drinking (or many of them). She knew this, knew I would show up drunk again. When I got home she was shocked I was able to open the garage door. NOT due to being drunk...she had disabled the remote outside the garage, took the remote for the garage out of my car, and changed the locks on the front door. She had the inside door in garage locked as well. I was to have no way in. The only reason I was able to open the door was I had programmed it into the car a few weeks earlier (though not with this reason in mind) and she hadn't realized I had done that. She had taped a note on the front door explaining things. I was out. She had packed a bag and left it, some money, and my keys in my car. She said she would call a cab if I needed it, but, with nowhere to really go (not enough money for a hotel) I grabbed some of my camping gear and DROVE off. Dumbass. I won't delve into any more details, but, I ended up spending the night in the car at the local Wal-Mart. That was a long, crappy night.

There is so much I want back from this horrible affliction. Starting with her and my family. My motivation and dreams (not the sleeping kind). My controlled laid back attitude, romantic ideas, and constant kindness. The list is endless.

Please don't be concerned reading this, I am not depressed or thinking bad thoughts, not my style. Just getting out some feelings I can reflect on from the other end of this TSM journey!

Take care all!!
p.s. – 2 hours in, still not done with the second beer…This will work!!!

Hey Squirrel.

We have a lot in common with good jobs, no probs at work, and drinking every night after work. My wife is not as far along in the anger category as yours, but I totally understand both of their positions on this. I wish I had never migrated to scotch and then vodka, so staying with the beer is going to help you a lot. It has taken me 8 weeks to have a couple of days in a row away from the hard stuff, and I think it is going to make a big difference.

For me, I noticed a big difference drinking with NAL in week #1-3, but then it felt like the old drinking me for wks 4-7. I think I am starting to turn the corner again now that I have gotten rid of vodka. I have also noticed that I seem to be able to keep the cravings at bay longer than before. If I had to wait until drinking until 8 or 9 at night, I would be dying for it. I don't feel the urge nearly as bad anymore when I have to hold out.

I will be following your story with interest and I hope the wife of yours can hang in for a few months. Just like the NAL seems to chip away at the alcoholism a little at a time, I think it heals the spouse a little at a time as well. Slowly, they start to notice the little differences and slowly start to trust that it can work. Like you, I never wanted this for my family or marriage or me. I can tell you that I have confidence now that I can go out to a social event and keep myself in check and have no risk of driving under the influence. I can also stop drinking and go to bed. Never could do that before NAL.

Have you read the book? Has she? That might help. Keep posting and reading. All the best to you.

Squirrel, I really hope your wife comes around. It sounds like you are taking this very seriously - and the fact that you'd be ok with abstinence if that's where this path leads you is a good sign, I think. It doesn't sound to me like you're making excuses for drinking!!!
I am into week 4 and I have noticed the honeymoon is definitely over - but I still have more clarity and awareness about my drinking, and it's only a moderate effort to stop after 1-2 drinks rather than a heroic one....so keep on plugging on!!
EL

Thanks JDog and EL!

I finished Friday night at 2.75. Had another dream, again not too vivid...some guy was stealing a bunch of cars in the parking lot, had mine running while he stole another. I was able to jump in mine and drive off before he came back. Strange, but, whatever.

Yesterday we had a garage sale, normally I would start drinking at 8am. Didn't have anything until about 10:30. Had more than I wanted (8) but stopped at 5:00 and was done for the night. Pretty slow pace compared to the past, and I never would have stopped at 5pm or 8 beers, would have gone 'til 9 or 10pm and 14+ then gone to bed. Instead we had din, got the little ones in bed and watched a movie with my wife and older son. Never had a craving for more, though past habits made it seem like I should have had a beer handy. Had no desire whatsoever to get up and get one though, it was great!

SE's are minimal, had a very slight nausea feeling last night, but 'normal' people would have felt that if not MUCH worse. Biggest SE is my sleep. I seem to sleep pretty well, but, continue to wake up every hour or so. I hope this SE subsides soon, it makes for some long days!

Hi, Mr. Squirrel!

I am catching up and reading your thread.

Okay, I'll take a stab at ye old dream analysis:

The Guy as well as the kids in the carnival-like scenerio are one and the same: Your alcoholism. In your subconscious-- the things of worth are being stolen or trying to be taken. Even from your vulnerable child's pockets! The bastards!! You desperately try to chase the thieves away. In the first dream: to no avail.

However, things are looking up. In my opinion, when you dream about a car, it is symbolizing your state of being, be it a new car, a broken down car, a crashing car, a flat-tired car, etc. and whatever.

Here, you are in a car dealership, right? So you are able to choose which car you will now travel in. And guess what? The damn thief tried to strike again...

Good news! You eluded him. Meaning, there is a great chance that you will succeed and get away!

Here's hoping that you'll discover a Shelby GT 500 in your next dream,

Ketchikan1