Hi there!
I wasn't sure whether to post this in the "New" forum, since I already posted there, but I figure I'd officially start the journey over here.
So, after a week and a half of having my prescription, I finally bit the bullet and started TSM last night. I thought I'd want to get started straight after picking up my prescription, but I didn't. I totally balked. It was like standing at the end of a high dive trying to force yourself to jump, for over a week. In fact, I'd had one of my worst drunks I've had in quite some time in the week after picking up the Naltrexone. It's as if my unconscious mind knew what I was planning to do, and decided it was going to hoover up all the booze it could before I took the joy out of it. I woke up with an absolutely hellish hangover that took me 5 advil and 3 Gravol to get over, and I shunned alcohol for at least 4 days. Over the next few days, I had one single beer apres snowboarding, and one drink with a friend, and that was it. However, I knew that "moderating out of fear," was not going to be a good long term strategy. So last night, I finally decided to take the Naltrexone and drink.
The moment had come: It was Friday night, I didn't have to work the next day, my husband was coming home after working away from home all week, and we like drinking together. All in all, I thought, a perfect time to start the Naltrexone, because I could let 'er rip, if I so choose (i.e, not "try" to moderate.) So, I took half a pill at about 5:30. I couldn't go straight to the liquor store, as I was waiting to bid on a super sweet Cuisinart 16 cup food processor on Ebay; so I had to stay home until the auction was over--which I'm happy to say, I won! Woot!
I digress: After that, I went to the store, bought a cheap 6 pack of Bowen Island IPA, came home, and the hour was up. I knocked on my friends door who lives on the property, gave him the vodka he asked me to pick up, and we sat down to do some drinking and jawing, as is one of my favorite things to do--settin' drinkin' jawin' and smokin'. I am not Southern, so I don't know why I'm 'splainin' it that way, it just seems an appropriate way to describe the experience

.
I had talked quite a bit about TSM in the last 6 months to my friend, so I told him I was about to embark on my first Naltrexone drink. "Bottoms up," I said, as I cracked the beer, took a sip and...drum roll please...wait for it...and... nothing. Nothing: No buzz, no warm fuzzy feeling, no, "Ahhhhhh" feeling; nothing, nada, zilch. I held my can of beer at arms length, and looked at like an alien creature. "Hmm," I said. "This is weird." My friend asked me how it was weird, and I told him, "It's just...there's no hit, and no immediate buzz, and it also tastes strangely flat." (As for it tasting flat, after my husband came home, I asked him to taste my beer. He said that it did taste kind of flat, and that I should test my taste buds on his Imperial IPA. I took a sip, and it too, tasted flat. So, I know it was the Naltrexone. Sort of a bummer, because of course, I love the taste of Imperial IPA.) After which, we carried on drinking and yakking. I was enjoying that, as per usual. I cracked my second beer, and it was the same experience. "This is really weird. I'm on my second beer, and I don't feel anything, still." I told my friend. "Normally, I'd have a warm fuzzy feeling by now, and I don't." We carried on some more, and by the time I was through my third beer, I was finally feeling something. I made note of that.
On this went for a bit. My husband arrived, and came out and joined us for a drink. I cracked a fourth, and I was feeling a tiny bit boozy at this point. It was a little like I normally feel at that point of drinking, but blunted-- I made note of that. My friend went to bed, and my husband and I adjourned to the garage to hang out and throw some darts. I had a fifth beer, and noted that I was feeling a bit tipsy. We went inside to watch the X-files with our kid. By this time, I was feeling hungry, so I started making myself a snack. I drank maybe half or more of the last beer, until I realized that I wasn't really interested in drinking the rest of it, so I left it. Just like that. Goodbye, beer. It was that easy to just stop.
I told my husband about the experience, and he said, "You know, that's how it is for me; I really enjoy drinking, but when I feel myself getting to tipsy, or slightly out of control, I just stop. It isn't a struggle." Huh, I thought, while looking at this man I've been married to for 12 years like he also might be from an alien planet. So, I thought, this is what normal drinkers are like. They feel themselves getting too tipsy...and they stop; they don't have this devilish urge to keep on drinking. Huh!
In any case: Wow, what an extremely interesting experience. I still don't know quite what to make of it. In all honesty, if it never got any better than this, I'd be happy. I'd be pretty stoked if I could go to a party, have 4 1/2 to 5 beers, and walk a-way...!
I still got a bit of a buzz, I still got part of what I like out of it, and I was able to stop effortlessly when I realized I didn't want it anymore. That in itself, is practically miraculous.
The most intriguing part of all, was that I actually felt like I was in touch with this dim part of myself, which realized that what I was really enjoying in these occasions that I associate so heavily with alcohol, was the talking, the laughing, the camaraderie, and the wild spontaneity--you know, the "fun." Suddenly, the "fun" I associated with the alcohol, was refocused on those things, and not the drinking. The drinking suddenly became secondary to the experience, and not the primary focus. It was subtle, but I noticed it.
Unfortunately, I didn't start my drink tracker last night, so I'll have to do so retroactively. We are having a potluck tonight, so it will be another perfect TSM opportunity, as social drinking is my Achilles heel (I originally mis-typed "Achilles Heal," and I almost left it that way!) I will attempt to track my drinks tonight, and perhaps I should keep a journal?
This is a rather wild experience; I feel like a scientist and I am my own test subject. I like this part. it suits my intellectually curious personality far better than the dreary, depressing, anti-intellectual environs of the established alcoholism support groups (at least, this was my experience. If it wasn't yours, please don't take it personally.)
Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and glad to be on this journey. I started off feeling really ambivalent and scared, but now I feel really positive about this.
Cheers!