Hi folks,
New guy here. 39, male. Married, no kids.
Just started on TSM a week ago, and wanted to log my story, so here goes...
I feel a bit unique from reading other posts on this forum. I've never tried to quit before. Never day-drank, hid consumption, lost a job or had anyone tell me to stop or reduce. I've been very lucky in life. No trauma or childhood issues. I just loved to drink. And it recently dawned on me how much drinking was ruling my life. I'm sick of medium-sized hangovers, and really sick of the occasional epic 2-day hangover. I see a clear path of usage and where this is headed. Once I get going, it's hard if not impossible to slow down. I have an extremely social lifestyle and my wife is connected to the restaurant/food-service/bar industry. So we're out all the time, meeting friends for drinks or dinners or parties/gatherings.
My dad stopped drinking in his early 30s due to overconsumption, so alcoholism runs in the family.
In the past few years drinking has really started to creep up on me. Many late night fests. Topping off at parties. Pre-drinking before meeting friends out. A few embarrassing scenarios. I was the guy who drank waaaay faster than everyone else. I get extremely riled up in social drinking situations, and the fun parade begins. I never wanted to go home or end the night and always encouraged buddies to stay up and party. Poker + drinking has often led to major issues, and many late nights and epic hangovers. I've had some anxiety issues in the past decade (several panic attacks and lots of sporadic daily anxiety over the years) and even some bouts of mild depression. I realize now this is probably entirely due to alcohol consumption.
It's hard to sum up my drinking patterns pre-TSM, as I'm all over the board. Lots and lots of 4-8 unit nights Sporadic "light" 1-2 unit nights 5 days a month Maybe 1-4 AF nights a month Also 1-5 BIG nights a month with 10+ drinks And the occasional EPIC night, 15+, maybe once every other month So 30-50 units per week on average? Who knows...
But most days I have a hangover of some kind and this pattern has affected my motivation, happiness, weight, sex-life, health, family relations, money, and general engagement in life. I realize I love the rush of drinking more than the act of consuming booze. That rush is something I'm happy to remove as it's the thief of all the thing in the list above that I love more.
I recently got into mindfulness and meditation. It has allowed me to really see how clearly this is becoming a problem. First, I noticed how trapped in my own thoughts I was, and I quickly made tremendous progress seeing how I was a prisoner of my own mind, acting out each idea my monkey-mind pumped out. As I began to see thoughts as options, and how not to just own the next thought that popped into my head, I totally reinvented my life. I dropped many negative-thinking habits, became more patient, more optimistic, and was more thoughtful of others, etc. Reorganized my entire house, became a better friend, and cut way down on TV. But drinking remained, and "the stains on the washcloth became more clear as the cloth was cleaned." I quickly realized this had to change - as I was on a path of having to try and quit eventually or manage my drinking-- which seemed impossible a few weeks ago.
But it's weird-- no one (including my wife) seems to see it. I honestly feel pretty isolated. Maybe I hide it well, or have a lifestyle that allows me to function OK while drinking a ton. I work for myself and have had a pretty successful career so far. But it's allowed me to see how mindlessly I drink. How the feeling of pure euphoria and drink-chasing rules my evenings. Often never able to get enough. At bars and restaurants I constantly scan for my next drink, missing being in the moment.
So a month ago, I got some books and got a therapist. Quickly discovering the new thinking for treating addiction can include medication as an option. I never subscribed to the "disease" theory of alcoholism. I always thought it was a willpower game, and I sucked at choices. But that quickly changed when I learned that some people's brains are simply wired up differently. I get a huge rush of endorphins when I drink (or play poker) that others do not. My reward center in my brain was continually sending signals to get drinks in me to satisfy that relentless need for more happy-feelings. And that can never be satisfied. I pay the price with social embarrassment and hangovers.
So when I read about these medications I went down a rabbit hole of research, which landed me here to The Sinclair Method. Makes perfect sense. You retrain the mind to not get the rush from alcohol. Then you crave less, and hopefully eventually become indifferent. That's exactly what I want. We treat people with medication whose brains don't deliver enough insulin... or have seizures. Why not the same for such a common problem like alcohol addiction? After 2 days of reading a ton, and finding this forum I was sold.
I was also reading a lot of traditional methods to curb or stop drinking which, having started Naltrexone, now seem insane. The thought of white-knuckling or trying to stop on my own seems like a recipe for failure. Plus Sinclair shows that the longer an addict goes without their drug, the more cravings will increase. No way my conscious thinking mind can compete with my "more-drinks-monster" mind. AA seems like a nightmare. Plus very low statistical success rates. I've been reading tons of forums (like reddit.com/r/stopdrinking ) with consistent failures, set backs and disappointments. All huddled together, hoping against hope they don't succumb to their continually growing cravings. No thanks.
I got a script from my doc (surprised it was easy) and started 1 week ago. I'll give a summary of the week in my next post.
Wish me luck!
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