I started last Thursday, 4/23, so this makes day five on TSM. On a side note, I almost feel guilty it was so easy for me to get an Rx for it from my normal doc and my insurance covered it. I've always been insured, but this is the first time I really felt blessed.

Day one, I took 25mg and I definitely take more to the "anxiety" camp of side effects than the "nausea" camp (not that my stomach is unscathed: the diarrhea has been a little annoying the mornings after but it's decreasing too). Nothing near horrific, just to the point of being uncomfortably caffeinated. Little jittery in my fingers, feeling of blood pounding in my head around my ears and eyes especially. Drinking was pretty boring. Like many others I found myself not only drinking less but making myself finish what I poured just out of a duty and a dislike of "wasting" it.

Next day, I took another 25mg an hour before happy hour with coworkers. For the first time I can recall, I was not the fastest drinker at the table! Just pecked at a couple cocktails over two hours. Usually I'd easily have had three, probably four. And after, I drove home. We had plans to see a movie a little later so I just had soda with my dinner. I felt so OK with the 25, I took another 25 to see what it would be like at the full 50mg dose, and it wasn't much worse. Just like too much coffee. At the theater I had a couple glasses of wine (as opposed to a pitcher of beer mostly for myself) and it lasted the whole 2 hour movie. I had a nightcap when we got home, mostly out of habit.

I woke the next Saturday and got out of bed at 830 am. AM. I haven't naturally woken that early and that refreshed on a Saturday since I can't remember when. I took 50mg mid afternoon. I had one beer. We went out to dinner and I had one cocktail and again, had to concentrate on finishing it. When the booze doesn't give you a high, you start to realize just how crappy some happy hour drinks can be! After coming home, I nipped at a glass of wine. I was barely able to finish the movie we were watching and went to bed by midnight.

Sunday -- always a big drink day for me since I'm usually alone from 3pm on; I did 14 units last Sunday -- I had two cocktails mid afternoon and just sorta got bored by the drunk feeling. Had a soda and caught up on some chores. Went back to drinking, probably around a total of 6 more but mostly again: out of habit. It led to poor sleep and a bit of grogginess in the morning.

Today, I took 50 and had to really think about it to see if I still felt any side effects. Pretty much gone. I had two cocktails (note, one of my cocktails is two units each) and again, got sorta bored by the drunk feeling. Switched to soda and did some chores and here I am now.

I've already learned two important things: one, it's not bad being moderate. Not half as bad as I thought it would be. That Friday after work with coworkers, I was in a panic since it's the first time we've gotten together like that and I didn't know many of them at all well. Social anxiety like this was usually when I took to chugging to feel OK (and impressing them all with my slurring speech, I'm sure )

Two, it really is a habit, isn't it? I remember one of the times I quit smoking I was talking to my sister who was still a smoker and whose cigarettes were out on the table between us. As I was telling her a story, she gave me this "what the hell are you doing look" and I looked down to see my hands were taking one of her cigarettes from her pack after a week of not smoking. I literally had no idea I was doing it. It's the sort of thing you see a character in a movie do and think what BS it is, that no one does that in real life.

I'm sorta finding the same thing now where I'm just refilling the glass cause it's empty. I've stocked the fridge with flavored sparkling water and juices to mix as mocktails so I still have the ritual of pouring out different things and stirring them up into an icy glass but it isn't actually booze.

I almost have the same feeling as when I would do 30 day dry outs. After the first little hurdle of habit-breaking, it's sorta like: OK. Now what? I've got a lot of reading material lined up, new music to listen to, and new card games to learn. I find that's the real work right now, finding what to do with my time.

I've always been the type to keep very busy. In school, I had a lot of club stuff and music practice to do. After that, I worked full time and did school nights and weekends. After that, I had jobs that could easily eat all my free time. For the last five years, I've had a job that's really good about "leaving the office at the office" and it bleeds very little into my time. Those five years are really when my daily heavy drinking took hold too.

I know I can't waste this energy, the energy I gain by not drinking it away. I need to keep actively planning things to do, really. It's just silly in a way. You're supposed to be able to amuse yourself in your free time. You're not supposed to need to think about rest and relaxation. But I guess when you never had the time for it... it can be new to anyone.

Overall though, I can't believe this medication exists and no one knows it's there. I was a little "eh, really?" hearing all the praise here, but it really does work. Might be the only time something lived up to its hype.

Am I replying to you, Sick of Al

Hi there Jackson

Well done on making the leap, and the reduction you have experienced is a sign that TSM can work for you.

You are also absolutely correct about breaking the habit, and whilst Nal helps with the physical craving, it is still the person who stops the hand going to the glass. Only you can break that.

Hi Jackson,

Good for you! Experiencing to wake up refreshed is grossly underestimated The habit thing is so true, I too have stoked up on different "interesting" things to drink now. Just bought my first alcohol free finger beer!

I think it is a very good idea to think about replacement habits.

Looking forward to seing your first week results!

good luck Jackson! I'm two weeks in and really noticing the "slowing down" effect. I tend to drink everything fast (not just alcohol), and I'm not as compulsive. seems really strange, though I might be in a relative honeymoon period.

Jackson, so good to hear. I too like the idea of mixing something into a pretty glass........the habit. So I am going to steal your mock tails idea. When I was pregnant i used to drink a pregnancy cocktail: cranberry juice and club soda with a lime in a pink glass (I have two daughters). Need to go back to that as my nemesis is drinking when I get home at the end of the day and start cooking.

Really glad that things are looking up for you. Nal on!! Newlife

Well done Jackson. I read one of your earlier posts and could relate almost to the letter. I am three days in and facing my first happy hour tonight, as well as hosting a dinner party this weekend. Feeling a bit panicked about it myself. Reading this assuaged that a little. Thanks.

Incidentally, you live in a singular city. Portland and drinking = milk and cookies. I couldn't imagine living there and not drinking beer. Especially in the springtime. It is great you can manage your consumption without having to isolate yourself from the energies of the place.

Best of luck.

Good work, Jackson! I've been doing the "mocktails" too. I get selzer water and mix it with flavorings -- sometimes the Torani sugar-free flavored syrups, or sometimes anise extract (I love licorice!). I find it really helps with the habit aspect of having a cold drink in my hand. Hang in there!

Small update for week 1: only 40 drinks this week. Down by around a third, so not a bad start. Last night was my worst night; I don't remember going to bed. I'm also experiencing hangovers differently (different in a bad way).

It's probably all in my head, but it feels a bit like the Nal wears off after about five hours. Or, that's how long it takes me to drink to a point I can really feel intoxicated. Either way, I think I'm getting trapped in that "chasing the buzz" thing where I'm trying to get the same high as before.

My goals for week two are to keep it to 5 drinks or less per weekday and go AF at least one day in the week when I'll take up my running again. I took off this week as I got used to the Nal in general but usually run a few miles three times a week.

Jackson, I've also fallen into the "I don't want to waste it" so I drink, even though I really don't enjoy it. I know the NAL is working. I used to LOVE micro brews. They taste bitter and I don't like them now. I've actually had a several nights over the past few weeks when I POURED it down the drain. Try it one night. One you don't feel like drinking it....pour it down the drain. I wake up the next morning feeling good about it!