I've now been on TSM for 6 weeks. I've cut my units by 1/3 to 1/2, not because of a miracle cure, but just having to plan and count. I've also been doing exercises from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy book, to reframe my intense negativity about myself, especially but not only my drinking. Taking the Nal one hour before and tracking units is, in itself, an excellent tool--self-control to not drink for an hour after planning and to keep track of the drinks instead of just finishing off whatever is around.

My father was a severe alcoholic, and I became one gradually in my 20s, with hills and valleys through the years until 15 years or so ago, when it locked in. I've been drinking steadily since then. I'm now in my 50s.

Learning about TSM and finding this site has meant a lot to me. I was feeling close to suicidal, unable to face trying AA again, yet knowing I had to do something about my drinking or I'd succeed in destroying my life. I've mostly been lurking on this site, but I have found many of the stories to be inspirational. One day at a time. One Nal an hour before drinking....

Before TSM
70-100 units/wk
starting as early as 8 a.m., even on work days
often being mildly intoxicated all day, even on work days
periodic black outs, falls

Since starting TSM
42-50 units/wk
earliest start in a day, 11:30a (weekend)
twice drank one unit during a work day, around 1:30p, otherwise sober until after 6p
No blackouts, falls

Short-Term Goal:
Keep with the program
Increase exercise
AF days

Long-Term Goal:
Have a nice glass of wine and/or cocktail without craving more. Mostly AF. Max 7/wk.

It will be awhile ... but I'm feeling hopeful.

You and I have not had a particularly good start but I want to tell you that I have been where you are and have climbed out of the hole, more than once. I wish you nothing but success and I do want to be supportive.
You've made a great start

Babs

Well done on the unit reduction, the active steps you are taking to take control I think will stand you in good stead when TSM starts to really kick in for you - whatever is doing it any reduction, and any AF time is worth it.

Hi Mer,

I'm glad you're chiming in and I'm very encouraged by your progress, because our pre-TSM consumption, in amounts as well as some morning/work drinking, is very similar. I'm just finishing week three and wish I was further along but agree the tracking and becoming aware of our patterns is key. If you find your book very helpful, would you share the title?

Thanks and keep posting!

Hi Writer,

The book I've been using is Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression. I'm focusing on my severely depressive thoughts and behavior. I don't know if there are any CBT books for alcoholism, but I think the same principles apply. I bought it on amazon.com, as a Kindle book. I'm still a total newby with it, but I have been finding some of it to be helpful. I looked for the book because I read that TSM + CBT had the best outcomes, better than TSM alone, plus I am clinically depressed and have to address that as part of recovery.

I added two things to the TSM tracking: my drinking start time and any events that day that I think had an influence. I haven't been good at rating my craving. For me, the start time and units kind of shows my craving level. Maybe that will change as I progress.

Let's keep in touch and support each other. It does sound as if we have similar patterns. The moral support through this site has been huge, even though I've mostly been reading other people's stories and support for each other. I feel like I'm groping my way out of a very dark place, and there are some people giving me a hand or a bit of light to help me find my way.

Oh Mer, we have even more in common. I'm currently on an up-to-90-day medical leave of absence from my job for clinical depression; I realize it's a great risk career -wise, insurance, financially, but if I don't take care of myself once and for all, none of that will matter, right?

I went through a bit of a Perfect Storm of events that led to an acute depression episode (my suicide thoughts go like this: no, I can't (commit suicide) because I never did finish my son's photo albums, so there are, oh, 15 years still to catch up. Plus I need to lose weight, so they won't make catty remarks at my memorial, "Can you believe it? She must have gone up 2 or 3 sizes in the past six months, and she used to be so beautiful.") Anyway, all that is chronicled in my introductory post and my weekly progress, all three weeks of it. In fact just today I wrote about wanting to chart my course out of this very dark place. I know it all too well. I literally have not left my house since last Thursday. Today I barely left the couch. Equal parts hangover and depression. No wonder my BF kicked me to the curb! What a fun GF I've been these past five years.

So yes, alcoholism and depression and anxiety, Co-occuring Disorders, my Dr. calls them.

Rating my cravings on a numerical scale does nothing for me either, but as of today I'm also writing down the time of my first drink and the specific feeling/motivation (definitely not the right word!) associated with it. I have a behavioral therapist counselor as well as Dr.W but we haven't really gotten into the "work" yet.

I've had some ups and downs this week, but like you, I'm still "feeling hopeful."

If you want a good (dark) laugh, from someone who really gets depression, check out Hyperbole and a half
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

She has a book coming out in October. But then, I have a pretty dark sense of humor. So maybe not everyone's cup of tea.

This is one of my favorites of hers:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2 ... ssion.html

Keep in touch. Let's figure this out.

Writer,

We do seem to have a lot in common. I am not as articulate as you are about my experience, but I really appreciate hearing about yours.

Loved the link. Unfortunately, I haven't experienced the uncontrollable laughing phase.... waiting for that shriveled piece of corn....

My drinking was down a bit more this week, which is good. On the bad side, I seem to be experiencing what some people call "Nalovers"--more serious hangovers after drinking with Nal. I hadn't noticed anything before, and generally haven't had hangovers in years, but a few days ago after a 9-unit evening awoke feeling crummy and very dizzy, then nausea most of the day. Drank less, felt similar but not as bad the next day, and today after a 3-unit evening woke feeling a bit rocky but no dizziness or nausea until I'd had a few drinks, then had a big wave of dizziness and some nausea. Yuck. Not into aversion therapy, but maybe that's what my body/mind is trying to tell me now, after two months of substantially less alcohol in my system.

I started taking Wellbutrin for my depression (and possibly the cravings) a week+ ago. The possible SEs listed include dizziness and nausea. But I'd taken it before without any noticeable side effects, but that was more than a year ago, and my liver/biochemistry may have changed. Anyway, I'm a bit concerned about what is going on. Life is hard enough without feeling seasick.

I'm working at getting my units down more, and watching the effect. I'm going to try a few AF days to try to see if it's the Wellbutrin or the alcohol/Nal. I'd like to stay on the Wellbutrin, in the hope that it will make me feel better as I deal with my drinking, but not if that's what is making me feel so sick.

Oh well, I knew it wouldn't be easy. And I am still feeling hopeful.

DTW--Sorry it took so long to reply to this. I appreciate your support, and reconsidered my reaction to your WP thread. It helped refocus me on the purpose of this forum--which is to support each other in recovery, and sometimes think carefully about what is actually helpful.

Hi Mer,

I found a PDF of the book online (for free!) so will be adding it to my reading repertoire and my toolkit... Thank you! I've been on Wellbutrin for eons, but this past year+ (when I was sober), it just wasn't it doing it for me anymore, which in hindsight was prolly why I started isolating and letting my work become the dominant force in my life because that was where I excelled and got all my positive feedback and reinforcement.

As of yesterday, I'm adding good ol' fashioned Prozac, 10mg to start, then 20mg/day, and decreasing the Wellbutrin by half. The Well worked remarkably for me in the past and took me out of that dark tunnel, so hopefully it will for you, too. (And w/o the sexual dysfunction most complain about on other depressants, Prozac included. When I brought up that objection/concern with my Dr., he almost laughed but kept his usual professional demeanor, as if to say (not his words) I can barely get off the couch and I'm worried about an orgasm? Well, yes! But first thing first, and I no longer have the SO anyway, so yes, let's take care of the depression, shall we?)

I'm starting to experience the dreaded Nalovers as well. Normally 1 bottle of wine wouldn't give me a hangover, and I haven't exactly been feeling hungover in the morning per se, but not great either, a little foggy/queasy, and very slow. But if that helps me to be aware that not polishing off that last glass at night will give me a better tomorrow (of course, my mind never worked that way when the cravings were so much in control), then so be it!

It's been raining- all last night (so lovely to go to sleep to that peaceful sound) and all day today after more than a month of relentless sunshine, so I'm feeling good! And actually doing much better.

I'm going to PM you about something else.

Take care and have a good weekend!
Cheers!

Mer and Writer,

This was a great thread for me to read. I too suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. Here is the question......what came first, the depression or the drinking? For me I believe it was the depression. I remember starting to get depression in my mid teens. I started drinking on a regular basis in my 20's for "fun" but also to self-medicate trying to relieve the depression. We all know how that works. The alcohol relieves for a few hours, but you are even worse the next day. Truly a self-destructive cycle. I slowly became addicted and have struggled with it for the last 20 years.

I tried to quit cold-turkey about 2 1/2 years ago. I went 30 days without alcohol, white-knuckling it the whole time. I thought my depression would lift, but it only got worse the more I tried to abstain. Finally, I decided I would never be able to quit and my life would never get better so I attempted suicide. I almost succeeded and was very pissed off when it didn't work. I was forcibly committed to an evaluation/treatment center for 10 days. Truly a nightmare.

I escaped any legal problems up until a couple of months ago, when my (soon to be ex) husband called the police on me one night when I got drunk and became belligerent. I am SO tired of my life being crap.

As of now I am on Zoloft for depression and Klonapin for anxiety. However, I don't take the Klonapin daily, because I'm afraid of becoming addicted to benzos. I really want to get off all of these medications and I believe that is possible if I can stop drinking alcoholically. Perhaps then I will be able to exercise regularly and make healthy meals for myself to minimize my depression.

I may check into the book mentioned to change negative self-talk, but I am skeptical. I have been through many different therapists and none of them has helped me a bit. I certainly hope the book helps the two of you

Sorry, I didn't really mean to ramble on. Its just nice to hear from some kindred spirits. Please keep posting, you are helping so many others.

Cindy