Since I'm starting my Weekly Progress thread @ the end of week 4, I will sumerise my overall experience so far. I've been lucky to have few side effects aside from perhaps a mild upset stomach. In these 5 weeks, I've not drunk more than 5 aus on any occasion, which is remarkable, since in recent months, 6 - 7 was getting to be more common, and guaranteed a low-grade hangover & shame the next day.

This next part I feel funny admitting, but in ways, I'm enjoying drinking (the process) MORE than before TSM: A) It's true the buzz is diminished (by 30 - 40%?), but frankly it is still quite pleasant, and B) it is no longer so exhilerating that I end up swept away & unable to stop - I get to look forward to drinking w/o worrying about WHAT will happen, whether I can quit when I should, & C) I've finally decided what to do about my drinking, a decision I've been wrestling w/ for several years. I imagine my current experience of alcohol, must be what drinking is like for the other 90% of the population. If the buzz continues to diminish, this seems like such an incredibly humane way to address my alcohol dependence - to not force myself to turn away from what I crave/look forward to each evening, but to have it just become...less compelling; can this be real? I know I'm very early on, but feel so much better/happier already...the reduction in my guilt & shame is HUGE.

From reading the various posts, I know I have to put some effort into the process & so have had one AF day the past two weeks (which circumstances, such as out-patient surgery, have made rather easy). Though I rather like where I am now in the extinction process, my goal is to drink much less, for the sake of my mental & physical health. I long to be one of "those people" who just don't give a rats ass about alcohol - wouldn't that be cool!!!

Whew! All for now, but BBL

Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - cv ("craving", average)
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6

Hi Chrissie,

What a great post! I can particularly identify with the part I quoted above. The fact that I can now have a few drinks without worrying about whether I'll get enough (because someone else is pouring), whether I'm drinking too fast, not having to watch others to pace myself, and especially knowing that I won't spiral out of control, knowing that I will reach a point when I feel I've had enough do contribute to what is now a greater enjoyment of a few drinks than I have experienced in at least a decade, if not more.

As for the: Is it real? I hear you on this one too and the answer is: Yes, it is! However there is the possibility that you are experiencing a honeymoon at the moment and that your drinking may increase again for a while before returning to present levels and get lower. I'm not saying this to put a downer on your good feelings but so that you are aware of what would be happening and not get discouraged, to encourage you to keep going if it happens.

Nal on!

Curi

Welcome, Chrissie.



So true! I agree with A, B & C - that fits my thoughts to a T. With TSM we still drink while we are breaking our alcohol dependence via re-wiring our brains. And we're actually (finally!) doing something about the alcohol dependence we want to free ourselves from. TSM is so wonderful!

Came here to comment on the same part of your post as others! "B) it is no longer so exhilerating that I end up swept away & unable to stop - I get to look forward to drinking w/o worrying about WHAT will happen, whether I can quit when I should, & C) I've finally decided what to do about my drinking, a decision I've been wrestling w/ for several years. " Yep. Exactly. Now I can enjoy going to happy hour because most likely, it will just be three drinks and then I go home - I don't have to avoid all drinking situations that might potentially spiral out of control.
Buckle up, TSM is a long ride, but otherwise it seems like you are off to a great start!

Reflections on 5 weeks completed:
1) It is such a relief to not be thinking about alcohol all the time! For several years, I've been like a hamster on a wheel: " what am I gonna do? - don't make me go back to AA!!! what am I gonna do? - don't make me go back to AA!!!!" (repeat ad nauseam)...Talk about burning super highways in your brain(!) Its nice to see my brain can still entertain other topics. The most time I spend now thinking about alcohol is when I'm reading the threads @ lunchtime, which is helpful & positive.
2) I've always been a beer drinker: where I grew up, 3.2 was legal @ 18 so I was weaned on the stuff, and as an adult have continued to like everything about beer: the taste, look, sound...the pace of the buzz. Now I like darker, stronger more interesting brews and sometimes I have wine but I think the stronger kick of wine has always made me uneasy - that it could get away from me too easily. On TSM I think its probably lucky that I'm a beer drinker, and I'm trying to stay true to that: drinking before TSM was like getting on a spirited, outta control race horse: I knew I'd probably be whisked away on a fun, wild ride but probably wouldn't be able to control it, and no tellin' where I'd end up, scraped off under a tree branch, etc. Drinking on Nal is more like finding myself on a fat Shetland Pony! I've managed to get it to gallop SOMETIMES, but it takes a lot of kicking to get a beer-fed pony goin' - more trouble than it's worth (almost). So I'm trying to stay true to my beer drinking "roots", and not get into the wine that is always in the house. I will admit the wine in our house is in a box, so it is very easy to tap it undetected by others...but I've not done that since TSM. I think part of that constitutes "willpower", but some of it is just...increasing disinterest.

So...feeling very good, and even if its a honeymoon, it SUCH a relief to be feeling this way, a break from my past. Oh, yes, also I've been sleeping really well, better than I have for years. I know sleep disturbances are common on Nal, and I did enjoy some wild dreams at first, but now sleep is AWESOME.

Chrissie

Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - cv (craving, average)
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6
Week: 5 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 5

Chrissie, Full marks! That has to be the most original simile for TSM that I've seen! Thanks for the giggle

Delighted that you're sleeping well and aren't suffering from side effects and hey, even if it is a honeymoon, you know it's working and you know you'll get your stick of rock after your Fat Shetland Pony ride... Priceless!

FSP-On!

Curi

What an amazing analogy indeed! I totally get what you mean. A fat, lumbering, bored, Shetland pony....

I had a Shetland pony when I was little (I won it at the State Fair! really!!), and those things are ORNERY!!! It wouldn't let ANYone ride it! We would try and it would run and run and run and shake anyone off it's back. Maybe there's an analogy there, too ...??? Drinking...orneriness...running from something...??

Nal'ing on, friends!

Thanks, friends, for your comments. Madam Curi, I'm glad I gave you a giggle - and Nipit, maybe your name actually reflects some childhood trauma reminiscent of your Shetland pony's tendancy to BITE. They look SO sweet & cuddly - like a little stuffed animal - but I think they are way too smart to put up with humans. I like your further exploration of the image. Hmmm...it occurs to me that I was acquiring my love of 3.2 about the same time I was way into horses (a teen age girl, after all) - maybe that is the reason for the horse analogy now??? Oh, this is getting too deep for me, on a Friday nite!!!

nal ON,
Chrissie

Great to see your progress, Chrissie. Stay with it!