I started Nal 9 days ago with a prescription from my Dr. She is not aware of the TSM but has prescribed Nal in the past but not recently. Her initial reaction to my announcement that I was an alcoholic was rehab or antabuse, neither of which I want to try now. So without much prodding she handed over my prescription and I raced to costco to get it filled. The past nine days have been hopeful. I am definitely feeling different toward alcohol. I had 3 AF days and 29 units total for the week. I was up to 70 on a bad week prior to starting the Nal. The best change has been the absence of the 5:00 happy hour craving. I still think about alcohol a lot, but I am not itching for the first glass of wine come late day.
I initially didn't want to tell anyone about TSM, especially my husband who shares our struggles with my drinking with all our mutual friends(a cause for much fighting in our marriage lately) but after another argument about this I told him I am working with my Dr. and am on medication but I don't want to discuss it further as I don't want it shared with everyone. TSM is a long process with lots of ups and downs and I don't need everyone watching and judging my behavior, especially when they are not educated in how it works. Well, he went thru my purse and found my Nal and googled it. He didn't seem particularly impressed with my using Nal and we have had no more conversations about it. We have been on a rocky road for many months now and I really just want us to get along. That is a whole different story, but I am exhausted with feeling like all our issues are my fault because of my drinking.
This forum is of great value to me as I am very alone in this struggle. I realized that when I found out my husband is texting our friends about my drinking. I didn't read his texts, I don't want to know what they say, but it came out when I asked to plug his phone into the car stereo to listen to music and he simply refused and told me to trust him about it. He always keeps his phone locked and with him at all times. He finally told me about the texts after a friend advised him to be honest about why he was so concerned about me seeing his phone. I was horrified, angry, embarrassed and hurt. He defended it saying it is not a secret that you drink to much and it effects me too. I agree with that but am l hurt that he is having these conversations with our mutual friends. We are going to a bday celebration tonight and all our friends will be there. I know I am going to feel uncomfortable and drinking would be my first defense against that feeling, but I am going to really try hard to not over indulge as I feel like they will all be watching me.
Being angry about this is not going to help me so I am working very hard to let it go, "it is not my business what other people think of me" - but I do feel very alone in my struggle with this deamon named alcohol.
I just needbto keep my eye on the goal- which I know from all of your posts is a long way off and a bumpy road to traverse but I am positive this is the answer and am determined to go the distance.
The stories and posts on this board are very important in giving me the support and knowledge to become the non drinker I am desperate to be.

Bluehen, welcome! You will get so much support here.

I'm really sorry that you're doing TSM alone. I know how you feel. It is so unknown that whenever you try to explain it to anyone, they get this skeptical expression on their face and you can tell that they're not buying it. Sometimes it's easier just to keep it a secret. It sucks, but that's why I come to this board for support.

I'm also sorry that your husband is texting your friends behind your back. That must feel awful. Hopefully with time, you two can rebuild and repair your relationship. Right now I think you should just focus on yourself and try not to let that kind of stuff get to you.

Thank you Tambo for your words. I have read much of your journey and it is good to know others are walking along the same path and to be able to see ahead to the challenges and rewards that I will face.
I like your line about focusing on me, this is something that is repeated in many alcohol recovery programs and as a mom and wife I have difficulty putting my needs first. But I am no good to them if I am not whole.
I feel like I deserve having my husband text about my drinking problem since I am the alcoholic that he has to live with. And since I am the broken one I don't deserve anything. It is a sad and lonely feeling,but one that I can overcome.
Peace and Health!

Welcome Bluehen, my heart goes out to you. AL played a big part in ruining my marriage so I understand what you are going through. You feel betrayed and your husband feels betrayed too. Often spouses think if you loved your family enough you would just quit drinking. We know its not that easy. It's like telling a person with a broken leg if they loved you enough they would run a marathon on their broken leg. You are dealing with a medical not a moral problem. Type I diabetics should be no more angry with their pancreas than we alcoholics should be angry with our opioid receptors. This is the way we were made. Luckily we have something that will work for many of us if you stick to it. Be kind to yourself and remember if someone says something unkind about you live your life so no one would believe it.

Thank you St. Vincent- My head knows what you say is true, it is just convincing my heart which is so hard. I will remember you last line and repeat it all day, good advice.

Again, Welcome Bluehen - You will find all of the support you need right here. I too felt that immediate change in my relationship with alcohol, but I haven't seen any reduction in units yet to speak of. Nonetheless, I know this works. I keep rereading posts of those who have been cured. That always helps a lot. You keep posting and reading and you will get there too. Right now your focus needs to be on you and your cure for this awful addiction, not your husband's attempt to control you. I'm not putting him down. I am sure it is hard to live with us alchys. You just never know what you are going to get with us from one day to the next. So, seek to understand his concern, but ignore his rants. You need to focus on Nal+AL+Patience=Cured.

Hang in there.

HG

I had to post this tonight as I am so thrilled. I went to a night club and was quite concerned about how I would handle my drinking-3 glasses of wine and I am home feeling very sober and very excited that I was in control. I could of had another but it was easy to switch over to coffee like everyone else, so I finished my evening with a cup of coffee and several glasses of water. The magic glow of the booze was just gone, yes I felt the effects of the alcohol, but not that wonderful euphoria that I usually get. I usually am finishing one drink and wondering when I will get the next. I just didn't feel that tonight. And for that I am very thankful.

Welcome Bluehen

It seems like you are off to a great start!
I thought i would need to keep TSM secret from my husband too until Kiwichick (I live in New Zealand) offered to speak to my hubby on the phone. I had wanted to meet her, which she wasn't comfortable with, but am so appreciative for her help. Even so, hubby is still concerned at times after my first 7 weeks. I can't always stop when i would like to. But i can already feel like this is going to work. I can get up in the morning and be a responsible mum/business partner/wife even if i have drunk too much the nite before. After 17 f====ing years in AA, feeling like a complete failure when i relapse, I have hope that perhaps i can have a "normal" life around alcohol. This to me is a miracle, despite the roller coaster. Alcohol is such a huge part of our culture and trying to pretend that it is OK to not drink when almost everyone else does is soooo hard.

Good luck
Sticky

Another echo of welcome Bluehen. I can share with you that alcohol had caused so many problems in the relationship between me & my partner (of 6 years) that his response to TSM was tepid at first. I still don't feel really comfortable drinking around him and if I do tend to hide it/the amount. But we had a heart to heart the other day and 4 months since I've been on TSM we have to agree it has been great-no more blackouts, puking, out of control fights.
I know everyone's journey is different but I think the best overall advice is to stay focused on the positives/successes on TSM as opposed to the feelings of perceived failure for not meeting arbitrary goals.

Welcome, welcome, I also have a story about how al. nearly distroyed my marriage too. I know the guilt. I have a wonderful, loving husband & even tho we came close to throwing in the towel, he stayed. Things are so much better now. However he's never been someone I could tell deep, dark secrets to. I've learned over the years to keep many things to myself as much as I'd love to talk to him, he's tough about some things. So, I, like you, must plod on in silence. I'm very gateful to have found this site that is so supportive & uplifting.
I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, but it's "not the end of the world". You can do it. You can. Like Vincent says, you need to focus on you. When you are right with yourself everything else falls into place. Keep the chin up. You've come to right place. We care.
Your Friend, Jane