This is my first entry in what I pray is my journey back to normality. My goal is not abstinence... I want to be able to share a few drinks with friends... And drink like a normal person.

Before Nal I had between 50 and 60 units every week.... And have been drinking this way for approx 3 years. (triggered by marriage difficulties). Happy to report hubby and I are still together...and we have 2 wonderful boys (9&5) a Burmese cat and 2 new Bengal kittens.

To the outside world it looks like the perfect white picket fence existence.
But alas... After working thru the marriage crap... I can't give up the booze. I have been having progressively more blackouts... The last one scared me into action. I simply cannot go on this way.... I'm SOOOOO SCARED of what I am teaching my precious boys.

So... Here I am ... Almost at the end of week 4 on TSM.

Week one 50 units
week two 40 units 2 AF days
week three 36 units 2 AF days

.... And week four ...... Can't believe it.....5 days in and 16 units 3 AF DAYS!!!!
Ok... I know this is prob still the honeymoon period. But I feel truly different. I am noticing my triggers with real clarity - almost as if in third person. AND tonight (a Friday night... Which is usually the night of the week I can consume more than my usual one bottle of wine) I've had my parents for dinner (they're big drinkers too... I think it's in the genes) .... And I DIDNT EVEN FEEL LIKE A DRINK ! Not only did I abstain... But I also had NO issues with everyone around me drinking. (usually if I was trying to abstain it wud make me angry that others were drinking around me).

While I understand I will still have a rollercoaster ahead of me... Tonight has given me a taste of what success will feel like ... And I'm soooooo excited.

I have a 40th party to go to tomorrow night and I plan to have a few drinks. I will post my final weeks numbers in Sunday night.

Wishing everyone a fab weekend.
Kiwichick in New Zealand. X

Yes thats the beauty of the honeymoon, its a glimse into life as it will be. Yeah you probaly will spike and there will be times you panic but when that happens its great to be able to come here and voice your worries and be given words of reassurance.

Im about 18 weeks in now and Im getting back close to honeymoon drinking but there were a few rough weeks in the middle and I dont think this beast is dead yet but hey I can almost hear its dying gasp and boy does it sound like music.

PS I so understand the worries about letting your precious kids see what active alcoholism in Mom is like.

Hi Kiwichick!

My goal is the same as yours, and I share your optimism about finally having control over alcohol, intead of it having control over me. I also share your concern about what my young children see and internalize. I don't want them the learn this addiction from me, as I learned from my family.

I am glad to see you are experiencing some initial success! I am in for the long haul, as I have been told my many to give it a year or more to really work. I just started week 5, so we are almost exactly at the same point in this adventure. I look forward to seeing your progress along the way!

YG

Thanks for your support Mario and Yogagirl. was a lovely surprise to see your responses this morning. The guilt of drinking is immense... But add to this ... Drinkng in front of our kids. Man.... This nal just has to work. All the best to everyone ... And a special hug to all the parents. X

Rock on Kiwi!!!!!!1 Glad you are here.

You know what Kiwi? It will work- BUT it will take time and patience.

Just heading to bed on Sunday night - week 4 officially over.
3 big nites of drinking this week.... But each one was for an event - rather than just drinking at home. This is a first for me. (the American band Train was in NZ for one concert. Brilliant ! Then 2 friends birthday celebrations = 3 nights of drinking.) but it also meant - FOUR AF DAYS!!!!! Wahoooooo.

Final result 26 units 4 AF.
I need to work out how to do the signature updates.

Looking forward to week 5 with a mix of excitement and trepidation.

Loving being in bed on a Sunday night with a clear head. The house is tidy... All clothes are ironed and I'm ready for the week. Have had some precious sober moments with my boys too. (which almost makes me cry when I realise how much I have missed or ignored them with my focus on the bottle).

5 days into week 5 and I have not had as many AF days as last week. But last night we went out for dinner and I had only 3 units!!!!!! I was offered the last glass out of the bottle I was sharing.... And I simply didn't feel like it. Wahooooooo.
Will update final number Sunday night.

Week 5 complete. 33.5 units and 2 AF days.
Had first drinking session where I stopped after 3 units. Looking forward to more of those.
School holidays in nz this week... And kids are at grandparents. Hopefully the kid-free week is not a trigger for big nights.

Planning to buy a spa pool as a distraction in the evenings... something to enjoy as a family. (who wants to hop out of the spa in the middle of winter, to top up the glass.) Might force me to sip ONE glass.

Roll on week six.

Hope it's a good one for everyone.
Kiwichick x

Hey Kiwi,

Looks like your units are steadily decreasing, week by week. That is wonderful! I like checking in on your progress since we are at about the same point in this process. Have a great week!

YG