Ok, my weekly progress. Week Four. It's been OK. I'm excited to be this far along. I read the forum each night, even if I don't post. I learn every day. My unit numbers are not diving downward, but they are down...steady at somewhere near half the pre TSM, and that is fantastic.

Via the posts and my own reflections, I am more convinced each day that we not only are dealing with dependent neuropathways and addictions that need redirection (via NAL's blocking and TSM), but we must deal with HABIT. And, that takes effort and thought and planning.

SO OFTEN, I pour another dribble of wine into the glass, not because I want the wine, but because it is habit--glass, bottle, wine, table, chair, me--we're all there together so pour and drink! I'm working hard on identifying and breaking those habits. Some new tricks:

I've been a white wine drinker before and during dinner prep (I'm the cook--I call it Chef's wine) and it's easy to down nearly a bottle as the chef. Well, now I drink red....just to break the habit. And, it helps. It's less automatic, and red goes down a little slower for me--for me, white is like drinking soda. And, I AM drinking a lot less because it's not my routine and not being automatic, I think about what I'm doing.

I also try to buy wines I don't LOVE. Not bad wine, that's just a headache in a bottle, but those that don't excite me. It helps!

I now do NOT drink before 6 PM. I played around with different times to take the NAL and decided that 2 hours before the first drink works best for me right now. So, I don't take it until 4 PM...that means no wine until after 6. That habit is identified and being attacked very successfully so far.

A diet trick I saw yesterday is a great idea--cleanse the palate. I often won't drink or eat anything after I've had wine because I like to let the taste linger. But, cleaning it away works too...it's not appealing to drink another glass of wine after having an after dinner mint, especially a minty one! Mints, water with a squirt of lemon, even a quick brush of the teeth or rinse with mint mouthwash....whatever it takes to break the habit.

I did have a "spike" the day after my fist (and so far only) AF day. I expected it, but tried not to let it be self-fullfilling. I didn't like it. After 6 drinks I ended up sleeping badly and feeling hung over. Six drinks in November would not give me a hangover. I am planning my next AF day (Thursday, another meeting at my house...great opportunity to habit-break), and I will plan the following day as well so I will hopefully do better this time. There is no doubt that even this soon, alcohol "hits" me harder and faster. Even with NAL, it's still alcohol going into my system, buzz or not.

There is also no doubt that I don't crave it like before and if I am out of pouring range, I don't even think about it. I do still want that first glass, and gladly pour the next one--I DO really like the taste of the wine, I like feeling
the little flush of warmth, loving the taste and tingle in my mouth. But, that satiated feeling comes with a great latte, a icy cola with lime, an Italian flavored soda....and I never over-indulge in any of those NA beverages, I enjoy one and move on....no addiction, no buzz, no habit with anything but the wine.

I do see a shift. Enjoying the taste, savoring the flavor and experience.....now I'm working very HARD on the habit along with the NAL and TSM. Replacing an old habit with a new one can work wonders, with a little help from my friends--NAL, TSM and you guys.

And, by the way, I hope I always enjoy the taste, the tingle on my tongue, the flush of warmth from a lovely glass of wine....but A single lovely glass of wine should be enough. (OK, maybe a big one!)

GC, you sound like you are doing well. It always amazes me how much more upbeat the typical TSMer's post is compared to what you read over at MWO. Many of those folks are struggling hard with craving (except the ones succeeding on baclofen). You seem to have your head in the right place. You're working on the habit part of drinking which is what is left after the craving is gone and often a stubborn piece to the puzzle. Keep it up you'll get there.

St V, The tone of this forum is great. And, by the way, you are no small part of that. Since I started reading it, I've felt you were a leader.

And you set a positive tone and give us all a lot of incentive and hope. It's still a struggle, but it's so worthwhile. I appreciate very much the attitude you bring to this "party". That's what keeps us coming back and moving ahead.

Thanks.

"Habit" versus "craving" is a key distinction while drinking under TSM. Drinking from craving is irrational -- you want that drink regardless of the consequences. You may know that you are killing yourself, but so what. The beauty of TSM is that as your brain slowly gets re-wired, there is a gradual restoration of sanity. We have the ability to assess the pros and cons of drinking alcoholically once the benefits of TSM begin to kick in. The next time you drink out of "habit" think to yourself, "I'm an alcoholic struggling with a deadly affliction. Having 'just one more' is not harmless. In fact, it is proof that I remain out-of-control and that my long-term health is in peril. I love my family and myself more than the next six ounces of wine. I think I'll pass."

I found that when I did a rational cost/benefit analysis of my next drink when drinking out of "habit", that it was pretty easy for me to pass on the next round.

Good luck!

Coming right with you, Gain--We can do it together. I am struggling with the "habit" vs "cravings". I am going to switch as well. I drink vodka. It is too easy to down too much. I am going to change to Whiskey. I didnt have the "problem" when I drank whiskey

Nick, it is only now after 6 1/2 months on TSM and significant rewiring that this hits home. At the beginning when you are struggling it's a ODAT kind of life. Now that enough "re-wiring" has occurred that internal dialogue is starting to occur when dealing with the habit of drinking. When we still have strong craving we are like the cancer patient who still smokes, our addiction is so great as to override our rational mind that knows we are doing something that will hasten our death. Once nal has taken away the craving we can be rational or irrational as we choose. We can still make the wrong choice but at least we have a choice. Great point, you are wise TSM Jedi master.

I am CERTAINLY not there yet. I look at my family and my (extremely successful) career and think, "is this worth it?" Then I think, "no!" Then I go have another drink. I could not believe that I am so weak minded! Then I read the book and suddenly totally understood. I just cannot wait until I am out from under the crushing pressure of this problem.

Hi GC - Your numbers amaze me. How you are able to keep such low units when you drank much more than that pre-TSM. I am so glad this working that well for you. Thanks for your post.

HG.

Hi all, thanks for the posts and comments. I admit, I am thrilled with how well this is working for me. BUT, it IS work, and it is on my mind most of the time.

I did adjust my pre-TSM numbers. I think the 50 - 70 was misleading. Most weeks were not 70, but they were not at all uncommon. Still, a drop from 70 to 25 is a lot more dramatic than 50 to 25.

Tonight I hauled out the recylce bin and it had TWO wine bottles in it. GAWD!! It used to have at least 7 -- usually more like 8 - 10. There is a nearly empty bottle in the 'fridge, but it's not empty yet. Not like the old days when I would finish it off to open another. So, no doubt the numbers really ARE down.

We are all in this together, but we are all different. NAL must be my friend and it works well for me. But, I am REALLY working at this--it's not just luck. It's a major focus of my life right now. Recognizing the habits and the pitfalls, and consciously trying to change habits and avoid pitfalls.

Switching from white to red wine helped A LOT. NEVER topping off a glass. I give myself full permission to pour another, but not until the first is empty (and usually by the second glass, I'm not in such a rush for the next). NEVER open a bottle until the previous one is in the trash. I keep the wine bottle on the counter during dinner so I have to stand up, walk over, walk back and pour it and then put it back on the counter. That draws WAY TOO MUCH attention to that pour, so I limit it--once or twice is about all the attention I can handle! The mints on the table are a BIG winner. Wine tastes awful after a strong mint. But, soda water tastes really good with mint! And, I pour a full glass of fizzy water to drink with dinner. I do not drink before 6 PM and I do not drink after 8 PM, but I give myself permission to drink all I want between those hours. Keeping the diary daily, recording the NAL and time taken, the urge rating, any side effects, the time of the first drink and the total units consumed all regularly raise awareness and help me keep the focus.

But, the biggest boost is the AF day. Maybe it's the 24 hour break in the old habit, maybe it's the planning, maybe there is some physiological "hit" not drinking at all for 24 hours, maybe it's what it does to my "gpa!" Whatever, it really is a boost.

My brother tells me that the leg cramps I have had are often a withdrawal symptom from alcohol. That's a good thing.

We all set our own goals and will determine our own cure. My cure will be when I reach 14 units a week and have been at that consumption for at least 3 months. If I stopped taking the NAL now, I believe I would immediately return to my old patterns. Especially since I really want that first glass of wine!

BUT, there is no doubt my tolerance has dropped dramatically. And, that is not wishful thinking. I love my first glass of wine and I look forward to it. I pour the second and enjoy it, but then, I feel satiated and can take it or leave it. On the two occasions I did drink more than 3 glasses, I had a quick headache and the hangover feeling....which used to not come until after a lot more drinking. That's not a reinforcing feeling, and since the craving for more has dwindled, paired with the anticipation of the headache and no reward. Well, it's making it a lot easier to back off.

Again, I will say it, we are so lucky to have found TSM! It is our chance. I, for one, intend to work hard to make sure that chance will result in success. The other options are just NOT acceptable. This has to work.

Good luck to us--we are the lucky ones!

Hi GC - Love your post. I envy the effect that you have seen so early on with Nal, but like you say we all get there on our own path. Keep up the great work.

HG