Hi Everyone,

I know that I haven't posted in quite some time. I just thought I'd give you all on an update on my lack of progress. I started using Naltrexone at the end of March, 2010. I had a honeymoon period, then some type of "extinction burst." For the summer and fall months, I was still drinking too much on nights that I drank, but I wasn't blacking out or passing out, which was a huge improvement. Since December, however, my drinking seems to be as bad as it ever was. I popped a Nal last night and had two small glasses of wine at a family dinner. When I got home, I contined to drink a couple of vodka soda drinks while I waited for my husband to get home from work. (He works the second shift, so he doesn't get home until after 11 P.M.) He had a few drinks, so I stayed up with him and drank some more. I ended up blacking out and bingeing on brownies we had in our freezer. It may seem funny to some, but I am just so tired of this lifestyle. I feel so disgusted with myself when I wake up the day after a drinking/eating binge like this. Then I punish myself with rigourous exercise to the point that I'm almost an exercise bulimic, in addition to being a drunk.

The nal just doesn't seem to be helping. I don't know if the last batch I ordered from River Pharmacy was bogus or what. Other Nal pills I ordered from them in the past did seem to help me.

I am thinking about going to my first AA meeting tonight. I just don't think I can handle drinking like this at my age (37). It is just a vicious cycle for me.

Sorry to ramble. I just needed to vent.

I hope that the rest of you are making great progress and are on your way to overcoming this insidious habit.

Take care.

It is entirely possible that Nal cannot help you much. But how sure are you that it is not helping at all? Could you perhaps post your weekly numbers for your entire TSM period? When you drink on Nal (particularly withing couple hours of taking it), do you feel ANY difference in the way drinks taste/feel? Have you attempted planning your drinking to some extent, having some moderation in mind?
What's your husband's attitude toward your drinking and toward your trying TSM.

Dmagnum - I am so sorry to hear that you are so discouraged. I'm sure you know that Nal doesn't work for everybody and for sure the pills we get from River are sketchy at best. You've been at it a little over forty weeks without great improvement so maybe you should try something else. I know I would. I'm sure you've heard of baclofen and Dr. Ameisen's cure for alcoholism. There's a lot of info on that over at My Way Out forum. Maybe that could help you at this point. In any case, I do hope you find the help you need. We all understand the horror of this awful disease. I too drank more last night than I wanted to and got up this a.m. feeling really bummed and beating myself up. You and I both know that doesn't help and is just a waste of time. If we could stop drinking today we would, so don't beat yourself up. Just find your cure.

I agree with Nutella though. Maybe you could post your numbers and come in more often for encouragement. In any case, you deserve to get well.

Take care. HG

Good luck in AA. Do whatever you have todo. If it takes 90 meets in 90, do that, just get sober and get your life sorted.

Thanks for your replies. You guys are the best. I agree that maybe I would have been more successful if I had diligently posted the amount of units I consumed. However, I don't have faith that the pills I ordered are working for me.

I am actually attending my first AA meeting tonight. I called the hotline, and a woman who lives in my town is going to meet me there. I am so nervous. I have been putting this off for years, because I'm afraid that it might be a cult or that someone will spot me walking into the church for the meeting. I'm just so tired of being an alcoholic. I want to do whatever it takes to be healthy and lead a more productive life. I want to be more concerned about other people than just being consumed by my stupid problem.

I hope you all get healthier, too. I will check in later.

Nutella, I forgot to answer your question re: my husband. He was supportive when I first started to use Nal, and he even thought I was improving at first. He has noticed that it hasn't seemed to help me for the last two months, though. He is a bit shocked that I'm going to an AA meeting. He doesn't think my problem is as severe as I do. I don't drink every day, and I usually control my drinking in public. I get smashed by myself at home, so I'm the only one who knows the extent of how bad I've been. My husband enjoys drinking, but he's not a blackout/passout drunk like I am.

Hi, I strongly believe the SM is doable for MOST of us. Have you tried tomake some sort of "base plan"? Maybe say, "okay, today I will have an AF day & tomorrow I will give myself permission to drink"? If the drinking gets a little out of hand, so what? Tomorrow's another day. Doen't need to be done yesterday. I do understand your' anticipation to see immediate results, but in reality, takes longer for some. But if your' soul is telling to try something different, best off to listen to your intuition first & foremost. We're here to encourage no matter what you choose. The fact that you are adressing the problem is reason for celabration. (within reason of course).
Be Happy. You are doing something to help yourself. You come first. WE ALL CARE.
JANE

Thanks, Jane. I do believe that TSM has cured some people, judging by Dr. Eskapa's book and all the testimonials on this site. I think I need to start checking in with the rest of you again, even if I abstain from drinking for awhile.

I attended my first AA meeting last night, and it was better than I expected. I've always avoided AA because I don't want to be swept up by a cult or have others judge me or tell me how to live. From the one meeting I attended last night, I saw a lot of nice people sharing their experiences. I could relate to some of them. I know that they want me to attend a meeting every day for 90 days, but I flat out told them that is probably not doable for me. I have a fairly long commute back and forth to work and I don't think I can make some of those evening meetings on time every day.

Anyway, I appreciate the support you all have shown me. I will check in with this site regularly, whether I choose to abstain or keep trying TSM. I may even try My Way Out if I cannot improve my life with TSM or AA. I am in favor of whatever helps.

I hope you all have a healthy and happy week.

You sound awesome! Can I marry you and take you to Costa Rica? We can pass out on the beach every night.

Seriously though, why give up so early? Why question something that's clearly been having some effect on you?

Perhaps your last batch was bogus, but I'd assume you'd be able to tell. Don't you feel anything when you take the pills?

Why not go to a real doctor and get a legit prescription? I understand that some people are hesitant to have something like this on their medical record, but risking your sanity, happiness, and health over our false perceptions of ourselves is insane. Who care's if it's on your medical record? You are who you are. It's not like the nightly news is going to have access to your records, nor are any employers other than the federal government. If you're not working for the feds by now, you're probably never going to, so go get some real pills, and start seeing some real progress.

Best of luck to you.

If you are concerned about the imported Nal--I can recommend several things based on posts on this site. One possiblity is that you may need a higher dose. Several have commented that they went up to 100 mg. Another possiblity is to go to an addiciton specialist. 3rd possiblity is to go to a pain clinic and speak with a pain specialist who prescribes Suboxone (which is sort of related to Nal). Anyone who prescribes suboxone should understand Nal. 4th possiblity is to contact several local pharmacys and ask them who is prescribing NAL--> they may or may not tell you. I would choose one near a big hospital that has a psych ward with a detox facility. Most of the big pharmacys now have seperate consult rooms and I would go in there and tell the pharmacist what the issue is and see if they will help you out.