Dear All,

Things only went downhill from my last post I spent most the morning with the dry heaves, everything in my body came out one way or another. I had an IOP meeting yesterday morning from 9am until 10:30 where I continued to throw up and shake. Of course be in a room with 15 other drunks they all know what I'm going through. During the break a few of them told me to just go to the county hospital they had a program where they will give you a detox package to get you through the first 5 days.

I arrived at 11:30am it was a little busy but nothing I couldn't sit through, I did the check in. At this point I'm still throwing up, can't keep water down and I'm shaking. I know have black stuff on my tongue. After sitting there for 2.5 hours I sent my friend home and told I'd call her once I finished. I found a comfortable chair and continued to wait. A 5 hours I tried to eat a bananna it didn't come back up but it didn't stay in my system for long. My ears where ringing really bad. I started talking to a couple of ladies sitting next me in pain as well. They had gotten there about the same time I did. One explained that if you come in with no insurance you go to the back of the line. I went up every hour or so and asked when I was going to be seen and the only thing that would say is "I can't tell you. It's busy today. At on point they lady explained it was going to "be awhile". The ER did get busy with a couple of car crashes but I didn't see a lot people go in the back of the ER. They sent most of the people to Minor Care emergency. Then is was explained to me that if you come in through the back in an emergency vehicle they get to you faster. I would have had to been legally drunk for that to happen. If I was drunk I wouldn't be sick just in a stupor.

After 9 hours of sitting there (or should I say laying in a reclining chair in the waiting room) I was feeling better, the shakes stopped and I actually felt like I could try to eat but it was 8:30 and the hospital cafe was closed. They brought a guy to sit next to me and he told me that the place was a zoo back there and the tech told him it would be another 3-4 before they could put him in a room. So I asked the sign it person if they had an est for me. She said I don't know we don't have any ER rooms.

At that point I decided to pack it in a go home. Mr. P stopped and picked up something to eat for me. I made it through half kept it down and laid on the couch and watched TV with him. I took a Melatoin because I knew I wouldn't sleep well. We went to bed around midnight. I woke every hour or so and that woke him up. The audio hullicinations have started (which they always do, but so far it's managable. I found myself laying in bed thinking "Mr. P is working tomorrow maybe I can get some beer and try to slow it down" This happens everyday I get through a day or two and monster calls me.

Houtx - I did get your package yesterday - THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WILL START ME OUT AGAIN. I'm going to try not to drink but at the end of the day and doing this for years I know it will get the better of me in a few days.

To the rest of you that said you sent some the mail is painfully slow for some reason. I didn't get mail for 4 days this week. I'm checking the PostOffice to find out why. I dont even normal mail like junk mail or bills, but I will keep looking.

There was a girl at IOP that said they gave her NAL for cravings so I'm hopeful when I go into day I can talk them into it. We have to pay the rent and if we have enough and I can't convince IOP to give it me (they offered Librum/Vilum).

Does anyone know if you are successful and you have to start again does it take as long??

This sounds like a total nightmare.

Wishing you my absolute best in feeling better.

Nick

Em -- I had to be off for several weeks due to illness and when I could start again I picked up right where I left off. Eskapa has said that benzos (valium and librium, e.g.) may interfere with the mechanism of naltrexone, so keep this in mind. These are usually given just to detox, right? Maybe if you tell them you're through that and you want naltrexone to help with craving, they'll give you that instead. Although it has little to do with the long-term cure, naltrexone seems to do a great job of containing the post-alcohol-deprivation-effect consumption, according to what some folks have reported here. So I'll bet you'll be back on track in no time. Hang in there.

Ive sent off the nal today but it will probaly take at least a week to get there. Im so glad to hear you have got Houtx's allready. Whats your plan? are you going ot go straight back on tsm.

Thinking and praying for you.

Hugs Mario

Mario,

How very sweet of you. Yes, I will start TSM again. If I drink I will NAL one hour before and never go without it again.

When I get back on my feet I will help anyone in need, I will watch the board closer and not forget in which I came. I stopped posting because AL was so out of my life that going back was shameful life some many times before I had failed.

A lot of people drop off the board either because it worked or it didn't.... I will make sure I check in and support those who are having a hardtime because it didn't matter how long I waited, I had support here.....

It's the new people that "the cured", "the content" the ones still pressing think I won't log on this week and keep up. Aren't those the ones we need to help the most?? I think yes, because at the end of the day it could be the only thing that saved me. It wasn't the offer of NAL or money (which trust will take me to the next level) it was the support, when I felt alone was there.

Bless everyone.

It's the beginning of the week and I've have a supply of NAL. I drank Saturday night. A GF of mine is visiting from out of state and wanted to go out because she never gets to when she is at home with her hubby. So off we went. While getting dressed I took my NAL! I went ahead and took 50mg and figured the worse it would do is make me fill ill and I wouldn't want to drink. I felt fine the normal low level headache, little ringing in the ears a little nause (nothing new for me on NAL). I waited an hour and half. I had 2 drinks and 4 beers over a 7 hour period and had no desire for more and they didn't give me a rush or numbness I felt off of NAL. I realize that this is the honeymoon, but part of me wants to believe that because I was on the program and off the program that my mind now says "WAIT.. now Prov Dear, I can feel the NAL you know the big rush and feelings that you want aren't going to show up... so go pay attention to the band and not when the next drink is going to come besides it doesn't matter how fast they bring them the only thing that will happen is you will pass out and how fun will that be while your friend is here?".

Woke up Sunday with no desire to grab the bottle, didn't have a hangover, didn't really feel bad just a little tired. Helped get the food together for his Mother's Day event (no, I don't attend events like that with his or my family). Had the shakes a little bit but couldn't tell if it was because I they gave me a shot of Librium on Thursday and I stopped taking Tyenol PM on Friday or because I drank. I'm sure my body is a bit confused right now. I will say I think Librium for me has worse effects then NAL and drinking. Didn't drink at all of Sunday and it didn't bother me.

Today was a little rough - Today was our court date for our bankrupt hearing. Mr. P was not in a good mood today and was very testy.. I mean really testy. We barely spoke and when we didn't he was short and snappy. I just said "you know I'm frustrated too, and it's better if we just don't talk at all then to say something we don't mean or mean it but will regret later". They hold session every hour and you are alloted time in the hour our hour was 10:30 to 11:30. The hearing took about 7 mins total for us. It's amazing how 12 years of your life can be dismissed in 10 minutes. Houses, cars, credit card debt, creditors... poof - 10 mins and you walk away with nothing gained, nothing owed..... Good thing... I'm debt free.. Bad thing... I feel like a failure.

Mr. P took me back to the apartment pulled up front (he had to go to work) said I'll have a late day ... silence... This is the part where he says "I love you" but nothing. It's our routine, but nothing. I just got out of the truck and walked away.

The last week me would have waited a few minutes, raided the house for money jumped in the car and headed for the liquor store and purchased Vodka and went home. But I didn't I went in the house took the dogs for a walk, checked my email, checked on-line job boards and decided on a game plan. I got the Starbucks card that someone gave me for my B-day that I haven't used because who drinks Starbucks when you are so tanked you can't wake up long enough or stay sober enough to go. I set out in my car, got gas. I turned in 2 apps for jobs, picked up 6 more, stopped at starbucks got a sandwhich and some ice coffee, sat outside, read the paper. Got in my car to drive home. Stopped at the beer store and while setting outside I told myself 1 six pack that is all NOT 2 six packs and a 1.75ltr bottle of vodka (my choice for the last 5 months). I got my six pack it's in the fridge, I have not taken my NAL not sure I will for awhile. I'm trying to busy myself with things I need to focus on and not start on the emotional drinking because it sinks me everytime.

It's a new start for me again. I have NAL and I have choices...

It may not be a honeymoon. You just might pick up where you left off. It must be quite liberating not to live your life consumed with fear of alcohol. Jim Clark's friend and I think Mario here experienced naltrexone really putting the brakes on an Alcohol Deprivation Effect binge.

I hope and expect things fall back into place for you very quickly with this new beginning.

oh muh darlin...so sorry about all this, but so encouraged you have so much progress on NAL!!

I love you and care about you - hang in there and keep posting. I wish I could do more...

XXXOOO

Talk about the mother of all benders! I did great until Wednesday night. I went to IOP and group and had planned to attend a meeting. I gave a girl a ride home from IOP/Group because she didn't live to far from my house. I gave her my phone number and told her if she was stuck without a ride to call me and I could swing by and pick her up. BIG FAT MISTAKE! She called me Tuesday night and said her husband was abusing her and ask me to come get her. So I got out of the bathtub and went to get her. The next few days are a blur.... I don't remember Weds,Thurs, Friday or Saturday. I would take her to the meth clinic in the morning and then we would stop by the liquor store on our way home. Mr. P is so pissed off at me right now it's not funny (which I deserve). He just kept calling her trash and said she was taking me down with her. I had a job interview lined up (which I missed) and I missed IOP/Group on Thursday. We were piling through a half gallon of vodka (gut nasty bottom of the barrel stuff). Scraping money and she sold food stamps to get it. I did manage to remember to take my NAL, not that it did much good.

So today I feel like ****, Mr. P got me a 6 pack because he is afraid of what will happen to me if I come off this bender on vodka for 5 days. OMG what in the hell have a I done.....

If you drink 24/7, you might want to pop another one after 12 hours. Eskapa mentioned that one time here in response to a question. It worked before and it'll work again. Just keep taking the nal. It's going to be okay. Is Mr. P reading? He's certainly welcome to come on here for support.