Week #6: 12,12,14,6,8,8,6=66 Units (0AF)
(Sunday-Thursday)

Well it is hard to post such high numbers but that is the cold, hard, truth. The main problem for the week was last weekend when I drank like the old me every night. The work week went ok. Thursday night was the first night of a weekend away with family, and 8 is probably half of what I would have had in my drinking prime.

Despite the high numbers, I feel like I am doing ok. Things are good with my wife, no dumb behaviour, no hangovers. I drink with NAL clarity and never have spiralled out of control. I have felt fine at work and have been able to hold off until all my responsibilities for the day are over.

As I stated previously, I feel like I could have an AF day if I really had to, but I have chosen each day to take the NAL, wait, and drink. I am hoping each day brings me closer to the end of this TSM journey.

Last night (Friday-start of week #7). I am away with family who are aware of my drinking past and trip to rehab, but I have not had the guts to disclose my adventure with TSM. So I waited until they all were in bed, and then had 3 units only. This place is a real trigger for me and I have usually drank very excessively here. That was a good start to weeK #7.

All my best to the TSM warriors. I have limited
internet access right now, but intend to catch up with everyone tomorrow.

I would be alarmed by those numbers if you were behaving and acting like the pre-TSM you. But since you are not having hangovers and are maintaining control and clarity, I'm not concerned about the numbers. This sounds like an extinction burst to me. Keep taking the pill and focus on trying to keep the numbers down each session. If it doesn't happen just yet, no need to panic. You are still early in the process.

When I was having over 50 in a week after several weeks into TSM, I was concerned it wasn't working for me, even though I could feel something subjectively different. I would say to myself, "This isn't working -- look at the numbers, no change." Nonsense! It was working for me and it is working for you. Of the 800 plus people here who have reported their experience, NO ONE regains clarity and control while drinking and then complains TSM didn't work for them. The unlucky 20% typically have no honeymoon and report feeling no, or little difference, while drinking on Naltrexone. That's not you. You'll get there.

My best,

Nick

Thank you as always Nick. I feel remarkably positive, much thanks to you and the TSM community.

Even today, I had 4 units this afternoon while sitting around watching sports and have stopped for the last couple of hours. A huge change especially being on vacation in a huge trigger place. I have always come here determined to stay in control and be present with the family. This is the first time in a long time that I am pulling it off.

My reading of many other TSMers stories prepared me for this. I am certainly not spiralling out of control.

One feeling that I did want to document for myself and others is the fact that recently, when I take NAL and wait my 1 hour (or more) I find myself feeling irritable until I drink. I'm not sure why, but it is definitely happening regularly.

Thanks again Nick.

You are welcome.

Just speculation on my part, but irritability fits with the extinction burst theory: your body really wants that old endorphin rush; the irritability and the increased numbers could very well be part of the same thing -- a yearning for the old positive reinforcement. But it's not coming. Once your subconscious gets that fact, you will have regained control.

Hi JDog

That is great progress being able to have such low units in a normally high trigger setting. Good for you!
This process is certainly slow and a test of our patience but I have hope thanks to all the encouragement here that we will get there in the end.
Enjoy the rest of your break.

Cheers
Sticky

Hello Everyone,

I had an excellent Saturday with the family on vacation, despite a high daily total (10 units). As posted yesterday, I had 4 units early in the afternoon, then stopped, had dinner, campfire with the kids (Canadian tradition at the cottage). It was remarkable. I was able to talk to my dad at the campfire, who is aware of my TSM journey, and told him that I had drank a few and stopped. He was stunned and had no idea that I drank anything in the afternoon. As I said before, his brother was a huge AA guy and he is wonderfully supportive, but understandably confused by TSM and probably worried.

I resumed drinking around 9pm. Had about 4 more units. I then stopped and played a board game with the family and wife. After that (I won by the way, which is more evidence of my NAL clarity while drinking), my wife went to bed and thanked me for a great day. I sat up until 1AM with my daughter and brother. I wanted to tell my brother about TSM, but chickened out and didn't. When he went to bed around 12pm, me and my 14 year old girl were up and alone.

I poured myself 2 more units, unfortunately. I told her honestly that I wanted to tell her uncle about TSM but was afraid. I told her that I didn't want my relatives afraid and thinking that I was drinking recklessly. She said, "You're not drinking tonight are you?" I told her that I was, and wasn't it wonderful that the NAL is working. We watched a funny movie for about 30 minutes more, and then I went to bed.

I have drank more than a few units today (Easter Sunday), but am still having a great weekend. I truly feel that my subconscious is making one last push to try to get the high back, but it is not coming. I am so hopeful, and my clarity at this moment, as well as my positive attitude is making me so. I had 4 units around 3pm today (after NAL of course) and expected to be driven to drink a few more units and pass out for an afternoon "nap". It didn't happen. I stopped until well after dinner before I resumed drinking. I have tomorrow off of work again, which is a huge trigger which I am not going to fight my craving/habits tonight.

I suppose that this is how, "normal" drinkers feel on holiday weekends. They have more than usual booze, but are able to slow it down, stay present, and not spiral out of control. Definitely more drinking than I should, but no hangover, no embarrassing pass-outs, no black-outs, no regrets. At this moment, my wife is asking me to sit beside her on the couch while I watch the NBA playoffs. Thank you TSM and NAL.

If my drinking stayed like this, even though it is surely very unhealthy for my liver and body due to the volume, I would be satisfied. If I had found NAL 3 years ago, I wouldn't have had to suffer like I did, I wouldn't have lost 28 days of my life away from my family in rehab, my wife and marriage wouldn't have been in jeopardy, and I wouldn't have considered giving up on life and myself, like I did.

Now, I am a true, "functioning alcoholic", but not like before when I felt like I was destined for disaster and felt helpless and depressed.

I don't feel like I am sliding down a slope to doom. And as I stated before, there is certainly something about NAL that keeps you (chemically) from self-loathing and depression, because I am drinking a lot, but still feel positive in every way. Sometimes after a bad stretch, I feel panicked and afraid that TSM won't work, but not depressed.

I do not become the other person that I used to become who was an a$$ and argued with my angel wife whenever I drank. Things seem to be getting better and better between us, and she is getting used to seeing me drink, smelling it on me, but me not being a jerk. It is a hard adjustment for her. Soon, I will not be drinking like this, and she will be all mine again, and I can't wait. I think at this moment, she is afraid to hope that this is working, but the evidence is starting to pile up that it is.

Until tomorrow TSM warriors. All the best to everyone on the TSM roller coaster ride.

Good stuff jdog! I can relate really well with your posts and will continue to watch you progress!

JDog - That is good stuff. I relate completely to what you are saying. I have my life back but I sure don't want to continue to destroy my body. So, like you....onward to regaining control.

Have a good week.

Hello TSM community,

Monday was not a day to be proud of. Last day of a holiday weekend. I did a ton of stuff around the house (cleaning, yardwork, laundry), no cravings, until around 5PM.

Took my NAL and then had much more than I meant to: 12 units.

I really feel like my subconscious is trying hard to catch the old high, but it is not coming. It all feels so different. But I did conk out in a chair and crawl into bed at 3AM. Woke up hangover free. My old drinking binges were 15-20 units I am ashamed to say. 12 is much better than the bad old days, as bad as that seems.

Tonight, I am PUI (again!). I am 7 units in, but my mind is so clear it is unreal. I am watching NHL and NBA playoffs, a little miffed at my wife (a trigger also) but doing ok.

I think that if a "switch" doesn't flip on me by the end of week 8, I will start applying some serious willpower. Until now, I have just been taking NAL and "drinking normally". I have definitely been working my way through triggers.

My numbers have not started to fall yet, but it is about to happen, I know it. I have never felt more convinced that this is going to work than right now.

It is amazing how yesterday seemed so like the "old" alcoholic me, and somehow tonight seems so much different. The TSM roller coaster, I guess.

I hope that documenting this journey helps others. I really do. If I get "cured" at the end of this, I will be trying to figure out how to spread the word. I am so thankful to have found this site, this med, and this method.