Chin up Bluehen, you can do it!! We all fell discouraged and doubt ourselves and this recovery program occasionally.
Look ahead, not behind you!

Sounds like an "extinction burst." While you can take some comfort in knowing that this is normal and typically part of the process, I know from firsthand experience that you won't feel a lot better about it until you see for yourself that this is temporary. TSM is definitely working for you but it's a long and difficult road. Hang in there, you'll get there.

My best,

Nick

Just posted week 12 numbers. I am half way into week 13 as I was on vacation last week. I drank every day of vacation, one night was bad. We were out to dinner and I was drunk and ready to go home. I insisted that we end the evening and while the family would of liked to have stayed at the resturant longer my husband recognized I was ready to go. As he said later 'You were baked; you couldn't follow the conversation and your eyes were rolling around in your head". I felt horrible and after a rotten night of little sleep awoke to sit on the edge of the bed and cry. My husband came into the room, sat down next to me , put his arm around me and said "You had a rough night. Don't be so hard on yourself". I was shocked. It is the closest he has come to understanding how hard this is, being an alcoholic. It meant so much and gave me new resolve to stay the course with Nal and beat this addiction.
Here are my observations of drinking on Nal last week; I feel like I am drinking out of habit and not pleasure. But once I start drinking I just don't have an off switch and keep drinking trying to get to that place I used to get to prior to Nal. But it is not the same. I definately did not feel panicky about getting my first drink in for the evening while on vacation. I did figure out ways to make sure I had enough alcohol with me but that too felt more like habit. It is not as fun to drink on Nal and for that I am grateful.
It was a fun vacation beside the amount I drank and the bad night.

Bluehen, that is really touching how supportive your husband is being. And it definitely sounds like you're making progress to me. The off switch is definitely something that I really struggled with, but it does get better. Keep it up.

Some people have the "off switch"; others gradually fall out of love with alcohol. I am confident one or the other will happen to you -- just stay the course.

My best,

Nick

I haven't been on the forum for 3 weeks, Blue Hen, and I was looking forward to hearing about your progress. I think that things sound better for you. You don't sound despairing and I am so pleased that you feel better about your husband. I'm behind you and my progress is nothing to write home about at the moment, but I have faith that you will lead the way and we'll both get there. Keep on keeping on...
Amy

Hi BlueHen,
Great to hear you have support from the Hub. Stay the course. Have faith that you will beat this one way or the other. Keep taking NAL and if it never works...there is always complete sobriety. I did it for three years and it really is a possibility. Don't let yourself get all doom and gloom. We have the choice on how to live our lives. Give TSM its time to work. Be patient, be smart and read about alcoholism and other measures of battling this addiction. I have found combining TSM with knowledge of other measures to control drinking has kept me on a good course. I am comfortably drinking for the most part. I am AF when the general population is AF...workdays and nights. I remind myself to slow down, smell the roses and have a cup of tea when I am drinking. The key is to RELAX...and be smart. It is also important to be honest with yourself in the moment. If you are in the middle of drinking out of habit and not really enjoying it...switch gears for a moment and have a tea. If you are still in the mood for another, then allow it. Then insist on another nonalcoholic beverage before you have another. Slow it down consciously while TSM take care of the unconscious addiction.

Thank you everyone for your comments on my last post, the support and advice is very appreciated. Nick, I think I might be one of those that "falls out of love with alcohol" but time will tell
Last night was an AF, the first in many weeks and it wasn't difficult. My husband bought beer at the store to have his one beer for the night and I considered getting some wine. I just didn't feel compelled to purchase it so it was not in the house to have. And I could of stopped at the store later in the evening when I ran into town to run an errand and didn't even think about it.
I asked myself this quesiton- "If I don't enjoy drinking and feel like I am forcing it down, why start?" And for last night that worked. Going for it again tonight. I have a yoga class from 7-8PM so drinking will probably not even be an option tonight.

Hi BlueHen - Great progress you are reporting. Glad to hear that your husband is now supporting you. It is likely because he is seeing the progress too. Good for you.

I just posted week 13 numbers and thankfully they are down and I had 2 AF days. The AF days were easy with no cravings and they were back to back and not triggered by a heavy drinking session the night before. On the nights I did drink, except for an evening where I only had three due to circumstances not self control, once I started I didn't stop until drunk. I am going to shoot for more AF days since I am not controlling the amount I drink once I start. I hope this changes but I am happy that not drinking isn't a white nuckle experience anymore. I am fine with complete abstinence if that is what I need to do. I am finding joy in activities that prior to TSM I would of found boring or feel anxiety about getting a drink. I am comfortable food shopping and passing by the wine without purchasing a bottle or two. I can shop for groceries and not even think about buying wine. This is a new experience.
Overall week 13 has been a good week; I have observed my drinking and have learned several lessons this week:
1. I don't have an off switch once I start drinking so it's best not to start
2. I can have fun without alcohol-in the long run much more fun
3. When I drink my attitude changes, and not for the better
4. It is best not to have alcohol in the house
5. When I do drink I am more conscious of the effect it has on me-and I don't like it

So I am beginning week 14 optimistic and ready for more extinctions!