Hi guys

I almost posted a couple of nights ago but went out part way thru and when I got back I managed to lose what I'd written. Don't know where the last few days have gone! Yesterday & Thurs I wasn't feeling great after more than a bottle of wine each night. I wish the off switch had kicked in already. Fully intended to stay AF Wed night to keep my units down but it didn't happen, just like last week. Have felt discouraged on the days after drinking but much better after an AF day and a good night's sleep.
School holidays end today so it's back to the usual routine tomorrow. Had a fun day with the kids at Snowplanet (indoor skiing) on Fri and took my oldest to some alpaca farms today. He loves llamas and alpacas.
My units were up this week so will try harder to get them down.

Cheers
Sticky

My progress so far (NZ units):
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Week 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 21: 32, 3AF
Week 22: total 38, 3AF

Man, I'm jealous! I want to go indoor skiing and see alpacas!!!

G'day Sticky, I know how you feel with your progress, I feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a rut too. However, I keep reminding myself slow and steady wins the race and that each continuing drinking session is a step closer to pharmacological extinction whether I realise it or not. School holidays can be a trigger too, I least thats what I have found. Keep at it, Warrenjames

Hey Sticky - Sorry you are discouraged. My units were up last week too but I try to hang onto the changes not related to the units to keep me going. Like WJ said....slow and steady wins the race. So, we will get there.....it is just going to take a bit more time. My love affair with wine is winding down. Because of the Nal I just don't get a decent buzz anymore. If I get buzzed it isn't particularly pleasant and I pay with a hangover the next day. Some day my alchy brain is going to give up and say, "OKAY, this just isn't any fun anymore...I give up! You can quit drinking now." At least that's how I think it is going to go.

Have a good week Sticky, my friend.

Hi everyone

Thanks ElectraLou, HG & Warren for your support. It really makes a difference as do everyone's stories here.
I'm feeling better again this week. Got my units under 30 finally - yay!! Having 4 AF days helped. I also noticed the last 2 times I have drunk I have managed to stick to about a bottle of wine in total and haven't felt quite so hungover the next day.
I have a Japanese girlfriend staying the night tomorrow night. I haven't seen her since my wedding 13 years ago so am looking forward to catching up. I'll try not to guzzle my wines!
I hope you are all doing well.

Cheers
Sticky

My progress so far (NZ units):
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Week 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF

Hi guys

Numbers were back up again this week, but overall I am still way more in control. I don't slur my words and can remember everything, unlike pre-TSM days. Feel tired on the days after I drink a bottle of wine or more. But I can function. Had a late night with my Japanese girlfriend. We took her out to dinner and our Prime Minister (who lives in our suburb when he's not in the capital) and his wife turned up at the same restaurant. The 2 bodyguards hung around outside. It was good to see him out dressed casually & enjoying himself like a regular Kiwi. It was even better to catch up with my girlfriend whom I haven't seen for 13 years. I wish it had been for longer.

A couple of nights ago I overindulged yet again. Towards the end of the evening I would take a big sip of wine and hold it in my mouth for a while, almost as if I didn't really want it or like the taste, but was forcing it down out of habit.

I still eagerly anticipate drinking on the nights I do drink. But when I drink it is often disappointing. I still feel the need to hide drinks at times and I feel guilty. That is making me feel flat some days. I am struggling some of the time to appreciate how much this is changing my life and am finding it hard to feel as grateful as I should, even though this really is a miracle!

The roller coaster continues after 23 weeks!

Onwards & upwards. I hope everyone is having a good week.

Cheers
Sticky

My progress so far (NZ units):
Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Week 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF

Keep on plugging away Sticky, I really believe this will happen for you with all the hard effort you're putting in!
EL

Hi Sticky, that must have been a pretty flash restaurant if the PM turned up. Good to hear your feeling well and have a positive attitude despite being a little frustrated with your figures. I certainly know how that feels and I'm 6 weeks up on you. I still have confidence in the process and figure that it took us years to get to where we were so whats another few months if thats what it takes? By the way what were your pre TSM figures per week? I bet if you look at those you are probably down to about half of what you were drinking and what you are drinking you are doing so in a much, much more controlled way (remember how you drove yourself home from your own party?) Hope you are well and having a good week. Have a great weekend!

Hi everyone

Oh God I had the weekend from hell!! I'm ashamed to admit it but I disgraced myself big time. Got pissed on Thurs night (no particular reason) didn't sleep much, then proceeded to keep drinking in bed all day Fri. Hubby was angry of course. And I b***** well forgot to take another nal. Chugged back wine then more of that hideous banana liqueur in between sleeping. Felt almost suicidal some of the time. Pleased to say there is no more of that liqueur around now.
Hubby caught me trying to sneak more alcohol later in the day so I ran off down the neighbours' driveway in my dressing gown, bottle in hand. Hubby called the cops and I was found lying on the neighbours deck covered in twigs etc. The police weren't impressed and said I'd wasted enough of their time and that they'd had the helicopter out looking for me. The shame of it!!
Spent Sat in bed recovering and Sun apologising, cleaning, catching up on washing etc and trying to make up for it. Haven't spoken to my neighbours yet. Too embarrassed.They are lovely, but another neighbour we don't get on well with also saw me. I hope he was the only other one...
Also ran out of antidepressants as I should have got new script on Fri, but back on those today. Planning to try and stay off the grog for a few more days at least. Have a family dinner on Wed in honour of my father-in-law who died 2 years ago and not yet ready to drink in front of my sister-in-law who at one stage basically ignored me for 18 months.
The amount I have been drinking has been negating some of the effect of the antidepressants, so it's a vicious circle. I'm going to have to get my units down soon. Life is too up & down otherwise.
We are off on holiday to Thailand for 2 weeks on 5 June so I want to start getting excited about that.

Warren - I spent years trying to abstain before TSM, so no my units were lower overall back then. I went for weeks and often months (once 2 years) without drinking. But that was hard too.
No, the restaurant we saw the PM at wasn't that flash. Asian cuisine. Great food, but not silver service or anything.

I really want this to work and am not giving up yet. I need to give it another few months.

Hope everyone else had a much better weekend!

Sticky

That sounds like a brutal weekend. Hang in there. We are all rooting for you here.

My best,

Nick