Hi Hess

5 mins to get your socks on!! LOL! Also your tale of staying up til 3am downloading music reminds me of a recent night listening to some fave songs on You tube and dancing around in our home office late at night on my own. Then wondering why I had shin splints the next day. Duh!!

I haven't read all your posts but you are doing amazingly well in my humble opinion. I am jealous. I expect it helps that you are nearly half my age......

Trust my experience of drinking without nal to be the opposite of everyone else's! I was easily able to stop at 1.5 drinks. Of course my brain might now tell me another time that it won't be a problem if I'm in a situation without any nal and there are free drinks and a festive atmosphere with friends. Usually I have at least one nal in my handbag so I could at least pop one with the first sip. Anyway at 1 year this Thurs and 50 yrs old I SHOULD be behaving more responsibly. Being an alcoholic I sometimes liken to being a rebellious child, the one I never was growing up with strict parents and being a goody 2 shoes!

Well done on your progress. I'm sure you're prepared for a roller coaster ride, but you may be one of the lucky ones who declares "regained control" in less than 6 months.

Nal on
Sticky

Hi Sticky - thanks for the kind words.

I've been following along with your progress since I joined this forum, and I know you're a bit worried about plateau-ing lately. I hope you continue to stick with us and can see the progress you've made over the past year. It's hard to stick to anything for a whole year, let alone something as unpredictable as TSM! So you should feel proud about that.

I also suspect that my relatively young age has aided my initial progress, but I think it has more to do with the fact that there was no way I could physically keep up my pre-TSM level of drinking. I think I posted on RedSky's thread that drinking the way I was felt like another full-time job, and I needed to devote all my non-work-related time to drinking in order to keep up that level of saucing. Once I had a serious excuse to cut back and began to establish new habits, I really ran with it.

I'm going to need some good vibes tonight, because it's our office holiday party. The event is usually a huge blowout and I have never made it through one of these without getting completely sh*tfaced and blacked out (this will be my 6th or 7th). It will be an excellent test to see where I'm at on the TSM rollercoaster, and hopefully I won't wake up on my bedroom floor having peed my suit pants (last year)!

-H

Good luck at the holiday party! I know the fear...
As for your Saturday night, oh my lord your friends sound crazy I think I've only ever been kicked out of two bars in my life and I think both times it was because of people I was with, not my antics...lol Good on you for resisting the urge to get shitfaced!!

Hi Hess

I hope the party went well. I can so relate to getting pissed and pissing my pants!! (Or the bed.) Thanks for your words of encouragement. I have kept going back to AA after relapsing on and off for 18 years as AA was the only thing I knew of that could help me. So I guess a year in TSM is just a drop in the ocean. I'm not ready to give up yet, despite hoping that I would be declaring "Regained Control" by now.

All the best for the holiday period.

Cheers
Sticky

Hi all,

Week 15 is wrapped up, and it was one of my highest since I started TSM - over 47 units. There were a lot of occasions to drink during the week - which is fine, approaching the holidays and all - but I really found myself drinking heavily during these occasions, instead of keeping it slow like I had been lately. I didn't completely overdo it like I would've pre-TSM, but I had been making good progress over the past several months and wanted to see it continue through the end of the year. I've also noticed some general upward trending over the past few weeks, but again - I'm hoping this is just holiday-related.

The first big hurdle was my office holiday party, historically one of the most ridiculous nights of the year for me (along with St. Patty's and July 4th), since the event is open bar and everyone gets after it on the company dime. As I've mentioned in other posts, I've never survived one of these without completely invading/raping/pillaging the Black Out City. This year, I made it through relatively unscathed, but I still put up over 12 units and narrowly avoided a (pointless) fight in the parking lot following the after-party. SURLY. I'm happy that I didn't get completely out of control, but I still have work to do when it comes to big nights like these.

One of my roommates from college was staying with me over the weekend for more medical residency interviews, and he is always up for going out and getting weird (he recently broke off an engagement, so the brush with death has left him VERY eager to get sh*tfaced with the guys). Every night ended up skirting 10 units, one of which - Friday - inexplicably led to a grey-out (my first in a long time...especially on so few units). Thankfully, I remember the night ending with bowl hits, undercooked pizza and David Ortiz hot sauce, instead of my pre-TSM shenanigans involving strange women or highway onramps.

Mon - AF
Tues - 12.82
Wed - AF
Thurs - 8
Fri - 9.66
Sat - 9.66
Sun - 7

Total - 47.17

Gah - that's pretty high, especially when considering that I had two AF days in there. I guess I need to remember that I'm still in the early stages of my treatment, and the rollercoaster ride is clearly climbing. This week would've been downright mild by pre-TSM standards, and to break it down even further, these "blowout" nights would've been typical weekday nights a few months ago. Another positive - I've also noticed that it's been much easier to turn on the charm when I'm not deep into my cups. Who knew that women actually appreciate guys that aren't slurring "Wait...what...I mean...hey there, what's you name again? Do you want a Miller High Life?" for 45 minutes.

I had a nice vacation day yesterday, and have probably spent 18 of the last 24 hours either sleeping or eating delicious pastrami sandwiches, so I've got a nice AF day to start this week off and hopefully get my numbers down a bit heading into 2012. I'll be tailgaiting at the Pats game on Christmas Eve Day (one of my biggest situational triggers on one of my favorite days of the year), so sh*t will get interesting.

Happy Holidays to everyone on this awesome forum (yes, gotta keep it PC in America)! Take it easy on the eggnog.

-H

Hey Hess:

Having looked at so many other threads your numbers look really typical. Around 10-15 weeks the numbers climb. Somewhere around/after 20 weeks many seem to experience a big downward drop. Could be the brain chasing the diminishing returns and doings some extinction bursts.

What's really great is how motivated you are. Keep that up! And just look where you've come from. Really impressive. Baseball player hot sauce beats on-ramps any day.

Hheheh ladies and highway onramps. How I like to end my evenings as well JK
Your posts are always hilarious. I understand you're worried about the recent increase in units but yeah, I think some weeks are just heavier than others because of events. If these events hadn't been there, would you have created excuses to drink that heavily? I doubt it. So thats already a kind of progress, even if you might want to be able to approach these events with a little bit more restraint.
Happy Holidays indeed!

Hi all - I hope everyone enjoyed/survived the holidays.

Sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. I've been experiencing some computer-related issues at work, and had a hell of a time trying to recover my detailed TSM journal on my old desktop. I've been trying my best to keep up with everyone else's progress on my iPhone though, so I haven't been a total stranger.

TSM has been a bit touch-and-go over the holiday season for me. On several occasions, I've found myself cheating by not taking Nal and just saucing like an animal. Nothing too crazy, but I've definitely been chasing the old feeling. In general, my totals have been pretty high due to a variety of factors - there have been a lot of holiday-related occasions to drink, a few dates, football bowl games and having season tickets for my alma mater's basketball games ensures a weekday or two of additional boozing every week (I get crazy stressed during these games, as the team is so frustrating).

Here are some notables from Week 16 (Christmas)...

Christmas Eve used to be one of my favorite days of the year, up until a few years ago when I completely ruined Christmas (yes, I was that guy). Basically, my brother and I got sh*t-tanked at an old friend's house and took bong rips to the point where I put myself into some sort of catatonic state. My poor brother (who was in rough shape as well) had to carry me home in his arms like a wounded racoon. My dad made me sleep in the basement where no one would see me, and I promptly responded by getting ass-naked and pissing all over the place. I missed the entire next day's festivities with a hangover for the ages, and I've never seen my mom so genuinely upset (it was our third "rehab/help" discussion). It was also the last time my brother and I would ever have a drink together.

This year was much more tame, despite spending the day tailgating at the Pats game (which was f*cking freezing). My dad has inexplicably stopped drinking* so I was hardly triggered at all - I put down a few 'Gansett tallboys, took a ceremonial slug of Dr. McGillicuddy's and only had one beer during the entire game.

*I think my family may be catching on that something is different with me, so they've been subliminally trying to support me without coming right out and asking why am I drinking so much less around them...whenever they catch me popping a Nal pill, I claim it's for "allergies."

Christmas day was a little less successful. I was an idiot and didn't take my Nal, and during the ride back to RI I was DYING for a road soda. The only alcohol I had readily available was bottled beer, which I had to pop open with the butt of a lighter while driving. Now that is addiction. Once I got home, I pulled the typical "crush bourbon and stay up til 4 am watching YouTube videos and ruin the entire next day" move. Not recommended.

Mon - AF
Tues - 2.66
Wed - AF
Thurs - AF
Fri - 7.32
Sat - 8.08
Sun - 12

Total - 30.06/3

Notables from Week 17...

2011 was a pretty sh*tty year for me, so I was really looking forward to flipping the year off while flipping the calendar. I understand that I am very lucky, and live a bit of a charmed existence (especially compared to those on this forum that are going through some very difficult times right now), but I have never felt so generally miserable for 365 days.

Everyone was doing their own thing for NYE this year (between our NYC friends and Boston friends) so my roommate and I decided to keep it local and check out a new piano bar in the area. The night was going well, and the vibe was pleasant until the ball dropped and the sh*tstorm started. Shortly after midnight, my roommate (as he is known to do) said something offensive to a hammered girl and she responded by throwing her champagne glass into...both of our faces. I wasn't even paying attention, and hadn't said a word to her, but my first moment of 2012 was getting a face-full of Andre Spumante courtesy of this girl. I was not happy about this, and after a lot of arguing we were kindly asked to leave the bar. Killer start to the year.

[EDIT - I should also note that my last 5 NYE's have been terrible experiences. I think I'm just gonna take the night off next year.]

Mon - 5.33
Tues - 6.5
Wed - AF
Thurs - 4.16
Fri - 6.5
Sat - 9
Sun - 9

Total - 40.49/1

I have been dying for a new start, and between New Year's and my upcoming bday, I have concrete dates to use as an excuse to change things up. Work and class are going to be very demanding over the next few months, and I gotta get refocused. I wrote down some goals for 2012, and for the first time in awhile, I feel like I'll at least be (relatively) sober enough to make them happen.

All my best to my fellow TSM'ers in 2012!

-H

Hi Hess.

Glad you survived the holidays -sorry about the spumante in the face - at least you weren't the intended target! 2011 may have been a bad year but when you look back it's going to be the year you started getting your sh** together and that's a good thing. 2012 is going to be great. your numbers are a bit higher but they will go down and all you need to do is look at your pre-tsm number and you should feel pretty darn good. i bet your numbers take a big dive soon. keep up the good work and ALWAYS take your nal! 2012 is going to be a GREAT year!

-pep

Hess - 2011 is in the rear view mirror. You've made progress and you've made a commitment to yourself. That's real.

Stay with it. 2012 will be your year!