Dear Board,

Some people have said they pm'd me, however sadly I must say I only have 2 people that I got messages from so for those who said I didn't answer it's because I never got the message but I'm touched that you tried.

I spent a few days at my dad's to dry out but the church thing got a little much for me and Mr. P who was beyond P*ssed at me decided that he would come get me but I have to sleep in the guest room, but there is still hope for us. I don't think he is really mad, I think he is just really scared and concerned. We promised to be life partners, and I spend more time thinking these days about checking out then living. (have mercy on my soul)

For the first time in 3 years we had a great Christmas even though money was tight and we didn't buy a lot gifts we were very creative with 30.00usd. Last night we watched TV had pizza and watched TV and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee and it wasn't because I drank to much. I am not sure how many men in the world would love a women this much, but I'm grateful he does. I think maybe when I pray to God and I don't think he answers, maybe he did with Mr. P. On the other hand I think "what the hell am I doing to him??"

Mr. P will tell you everyday our life with the TSM (though tough in the beginning) worked. No shakes, No headaches, No slipping down to the corner store, No waiting for it to open. When I moved we found a boat load of empty wine and beer bottles in the garage that I forgot about.

I miss him at night and I can't sleep without him. He said if its too hard that I can cuddle with him and the dogs (we have the must loving dachs ever) and it will be okay. Who loves someone that much....

Going to be with 1 amazing man and 4 great dogs.... sober.....

Emerald

emerald, you can email me your address at nalsyourpal@gmail.com

I will keep this address up until I hear from you....anyone else want to donate some NAL email the address above and I'll make sure (once she emails me her address) you guys connect without your emails becoming public. This poor girl needs help....BEst, Jim

Em - your story of love w/ Mr P continues to warm my heart. I can only imagine how hard things are right now. Hang in there and be strong - and trust in the love you have for each other. I'm jealous of that...I am sending some help. Not much, but a weeks worth of NAL and a little pocket change.

I hope it helps, gf. Maybe someday someone will pay it forward -
XO

Dear All,

Had my doctors appt today. Since I don't have insurance I have to go to the state run doctor's office. My appt was at 11:30 but they didn't get to me until after 3pm. Sitting in the parking lot was a bunch of people drinking out of the trunks of their car and a few doing drugs. As I sat there I came to realize that I'm just as bad as them.

I had my friend drive me and when they ask me to blow I thought, not a problem until I blew a .253. Yep, that's right .253 and pretty much drink the same thing everyday which means everyday since March I've been almost comatose and close to death. When I got home I looked up on the internet and it scares the crap out of me. I didn't even blow that high when I got my DUI.

So after 3 hours of waiting I saw a guy who took my information. Then he sent me to another person who spend an hour and half taking more information. They gave me some forms to fill out and an AA schedule. One would think if you blew .253 you pretty much have a drinking problem and a bad one.

If I'm lucky I can see a real doctor in a few weeks and until then I can go to Intensive outpatient service 3 hours 4 times a week, where if I blow and they find I've been drinking then I'm out of the program. How is the hell do they expect me to do that without help. If I could do that I wouldn't be in this mess or need them.

The worse part is having to call Mr. P and tell him and then he says to me "you know you won't stop drinking or taking Tylenol PM" (which by the way will kill you faster than booze so I found out today and will damage your liver). Yesterday I slept for 22 hours on that stuff. I don't even remember yesterday.

After telling them all this they let me walk out the door not knowing if I really had a ride home.

I haven't left my house since Monday morning. I have to check my computer to find out what day it is. A friend knocked on my door this morning and I hid in the closet until they left. I never take my dogs out, so Mr. P wonders why I clean the carpets all the time and I can't remember when the last time I got my nails done, put on makeup or felt good.

Yes, I realize that I need help but there aren't many options. There is no state funded hospital or rehab center and every one that I've called said at least 1000.00 for detox and 7000.00 for 28 days and maybe my family will help with the cost. The only choice I have in a mental hospital but I'd have to sign papers saying that they can keep me for as long as they want to which is a min of 90 days and max of 2 years. Mr. P insurance kicks in August 1st so I just have to figure it out until then. He said he would go online and order NAL for me with his first paycheck on Friday.

Provisance, Im in Ireland and our addresses look different, do I just need to put USA at the end of what you sent me. It seems a very sparce address. I can send swift post but i need this info to send some.

Hang in there, everyone is rooting for ypu

Dear Mario,

Yes, I'm in the US. The address I gave is good just put USD at the end. Thanks so much for following up with me.

Em

Em - I too thought your address was a bit sparse, but I sent you a week's worth of NAL and hope it gets to you...Not sure it will help much unless you get more. Hope so. Then forgot to enclose "bus fare". I so wish you the very best, and that I could help you more than this. Hang in there & check here often for moral support. I know it's good while you're logged on and then you face reality when you log off...

Hope you find comfort and strength in knowing there are many of us thinking about you. Good luck day by day - we are here for you!

XO

Last night was rough but not nearly as bad as this morning. I have uncontrolable shaking and I can barely walk to the bathroom. As long as I lie still it seems to let up a bit. I go from hot to cold and my mind is racing a million things a minute.

There has got to be a better way.

Em, I sent you 30 nal's last week please let me know you got them!!!!!

BGH