Wow, you've spent too much time hitting the books there doc! Have fun!

Well, this weekend was not exactly a triumph. My weekly total is around 24 (not entirely sure how much I drank Saturday night), which IS lower than last week, but honestly I feel crappy about this Saturday night so it's kind of a wash.
Two AF days and moderate alcohol consumption the rest of the week. Friday, however, my poor boyfriend dislocated his shoulder and we spent the evening in the hospital, so drinking was uhm, artificially cut short. I think that I was subconsciously pissed off about having to curtail my evening (we were having lots of fun with friends at the time) because I went out drinking with a vengeance on Saturday, while the bf stayed at home. Bowling with friends (fun and five drinks) but then an engagement party where I had at least 10 more drinks I think. I actually tried to leave around 1am but the couple guilted me into drinking more and staying. And then I became adamant about singing karaoke and got pissed off when the group didn't want to move to that. When we all left the bar around 3am I huffed off BY MYSELF to find a karaoke bar and sing. My friends were really worried about me and kept calling my phone but I did not notice as I was already drinking at another bar and chatting with random strangers. I felt really out of control,just like old times even though I had taken the nal. I had a bit of a greyout towards the end of the evening and I feel ABYSMAL today. The only thing I can think of is that I definitely did not eat enough last night, either before or during drinking. But yeah, the nal felt totally ineffective yesterday. I'm quite bummed out about this right now, but hey, it's a new week.....
EL

Hi EL

Sorry to hear you feel a bit bummed out. I had a night early in TSM where I stayed out after everyone had gone home, but didn't really engage with others and went home after one drink. Still felt guilty as my friends were worried about me.

I still think you are doing really well. 24? is soo much better than 50 + drinks and some of the time you have the control you desire.
I've found the change of scenery and enforced few days abstinence good for me.

I do find nal makes me really tired some evenings, often just around the time I hve the first drink. I certainly feel nauseous some days, but have attributed that to too much to drink rather than the nal.

Enjoy the bike riding!!

Cheers
Sticky

Sorry to hear of your tough weekend EL. Just keep in mind that subtle changes ARE happening, though some weeks you just may not see them. A couple of weeks ago I finished out with a huge 58 unit week, but I think some serious extinction came from it because I followed up this past week with 37 units and 2 AF. It's not just the number of units, though, I really felt some sort of change. Keep it up- you'll get there. And like sticky said- you've come a long way from 50+ a week! Remember how shitty THAT felt?!
Oh, and I wanted to add that not eating does play a huge role in the out of control factor (I'm sure you already know this though) as I've seen with my hubby who is also a binge drinker. His absolute worst nights have almost always started off with not eating enough. He's learned this lesson and it has helped a lot for him to make that extra effort to eat, but still sometimes his drinking gets ahead of him.
Keep on plugging on!

-dragonfly

Disappointment strikes again. Had two AFs, and then two great nights on nal (3 and 2.5 drinks, respectively). However, last night I took my nal, ate dinner, and met a friend for drinks. Had four drinks with her and then she went home...and I did my whole usual crawl of bars (including yes, karaoke). I actually met lots of nice and interesting people and was safe in the end (and didn't black out) BUT my drinking was totally out of control. I kept drinking even though I knew my boyfriend was at home with his dislocated shoulder, waiting for me and in pain. I am a SHITTY gf sometimes Came crawling home at 4am, having started drinking at 7:30 and consumed about 15 units. UGH. It's so wierd, it really feels like sometimes the nal doesn't kick in at ALL, and sometimes it works like a charm. If it weren't for this board, I would definitely be packing in the towel right about now - the bf is not pleased and hasn't really answered my texts all day.
I'm starting to think that I need to put some barriers in place even while drinking on nal - something to stop me from going to bars alone after my friends have gone.....but I don't know what to do. This feels like the old days.

Perhaps this was another trigger to extinguish? A really bad day (or week) is often followed by lower units. Hang in there, maybe this is the start of a breakthrough!

I agree with YogaGirl. You are doing EXACTLY what you should be doing: Drinking as per usual. Ask yourself how long you've been pub crawling solo after your girlfriends have bailed. This is clearly a pattern so it's going to take doing this repeatedly, this time with Nal to truly extinguish the behavior.

More importantly: Just what do you sing while embarking in good, old karaoke????? I bet you are a lot of fun to hang out with. You are bold and unpredictable.

Here's the thing. It's going to take what it takes.

I was extremely disheartened at the start of TSM because I honestly think that I did not experience a "Honeymoon" at all. In fact, I drank the first month without a single AF day. Imagine that!
In my 15th week, which is this week, my levels are down by half of what they were pre-TSM. And for the first time I experienced aversion towards white wine last night. I even had to pour some back in the bottle-- that was on my sixth glass. So TSM is really working.

So darling Electra, look at the progress you have made thusfar. Scan the big picture and just don't ever drink without Nal. You will get there.

I'd bet my bottom dollar,

Ketchikan1

This week's total: 23.5 (roughly...had that big blowout on Thursday night and am counting that as 15 drinks, but it's hazy). Numbers are pretty consistent, but my pattern of drinking is not, really. For a few weeks I felt like I was perhaps drinking more often (not forcing AF days through fear of going crazy if I did start drinking) but staying in control more often. The past two weeks I feel like I have gone back to old patterns: 3-4 AF days, either because of hangovers or because I just didn't want to drink, and then one or two moderate drinking nights, and then one or two BINGE nights. Since the binge nights (and attendant guilt, shame, dangerous situations, horrible hangovers, etc) are what I want to eliminate with TSM, this is quite disappointing. I'm not too concerned about my drink levels hovering a bit over 20 - that's above the "good" limit but it's not THAT high. What I am concerned about is getting most of those units in 1 or 2 nights. I have been finding recently that the nal seems to work sporadically. Sometimes I take it and am quite disgusted by alcohol and barely get a drink or two down. Sometimes I take it, am still really into a drink, but feel disgusted/tired/uninterested after 2 drinks or so. Sometimes, however, the alcohol seems to slip down like old times and I would be hard pressed to notice a difference. Seriously, in the past 2-3 binges, I have NOT noticed any increased clarity, slowed down drinking, etc - all the good things I was getting from the nal for several weeks. Can you build up a tolerance to nal? Has anyone else had this experience? Is it still working, just magically in the background? Does it work better with certain types of alcohol? I just don't know. I'm feeling a little bit on shaky ground right now. My boyfriend is leaving next week for two months, and I just cannot face the idea of having a horrible panic ridden despair day hangover while he's gone. But without the full power of the nal, I feel like one is always around the corner...
EL

I do see your concern EL and I'm sorry you're disheartend. Are you feeling different at all in the days after your binges? I want to say that yes, the nal is working magically in the background because that's what I've felt. For a couple of weeks I didn't feel like it was working but I was still noticing a slight difference in how I felt over the next couple of days. Then came a certain level of progress, like some change was happening when I didn't realize it. My drinking pattern is different than yours though.
Good luck this week! Keep going!

-dragonfly

It's absolutely working. You are experiencing "the roller coaster" and the doubt that is an inherent part of the process. No one reports marked improvement initially only to conclude that TSM does not work. It will work. Recall the amended formula: Drinking+naltrexone+doubt+patience= regaining control. Ten weeks is still relatively early in the process. And yes, TSM works mostly behind the scenes at a subconscious level.

Hang in there. You'll get there.

My best,

Nick