Stay the course, Jdog. You are still just starting out. Try not to be too impatient. TSM works over time. The "falling out of love" (nick's) is the perfect analogy. It does not happen overnight and because of that, it won't break your heart and leave you pinning for something you never really had. That high we chased by our compulsion to drink never really arrived, we just got stupid drunk and sick instead. So we tried again the next day. Over time, Nal takes away the temptress of drink. It sometimes seems to be taking so long to get there, but there will be a time when you look back and say, "Damn, that was easy! and Fast". Good luck dog.

Hi everyone. I appreciate the replies. Thank God for this site, and for the "cured" and others who support the newbies like myself.

I write how I feel when I am at the computer and currently (about 6PM) I am back to my optimistic self. This really is a "ride". When you have two or three days in a row that feel a lot like the horrific dark days of the past, it is hard not to worry.

The positives include: I am not a jerk or ass when drinking. No stupid arguments with my wife at all or being short with my kids.

I have not had a pounding headache presumably because I am not drinking a large number of units quickly and late. My large number of units are spread out over time. Before, once I started drinking, it seemed like my units went down quicker and quicker until passout.

Yesterday, along with my drinking, I got a lot of housework done, laundry, cleaning, stuff for the kids, etc. A whole lot done. Previously, I would have planned to do what I did, but wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the amount done that I did. This is due to the pace at which I drank. And somehow my head stays, "clearer" with NAL.

To date, I have been able to keep track of my units. In the past, I wasn't really sure how much I had drank until I woke up and looked at the bottle - many times to my horror and shame.

As well, it is 6PM and it is my desire and intention to go AF tonight. In the past, I would be gearing up for the night by now. I have a work function at 7PM for an hour or 2. In the past, I would have 1 or 2 drinks before it and go to town after it. Or have none before and be counting the seconds waiting to get home. As of this moment, I don't want to drink tonight at all. I want to go to bed b/c I do feel crappy after all that drinking on the weekend. We'll see if I stick to it. I think I will.

I guess that is part of the long process of, "falling out of love" with the booze. I look forward to the end of this journey and will continue to practice the patience that I need. I hope this journal helps someone in the future and like "Nick" I will be able to refer to it to assist someone else later on.

Thanks again Nick and Digetic. Your support is appreciated.

Hey JDog, I can totally relate to what you're going through. One minute you have no doubt TSM will work for you and the next you think maybe it's all psychological. It's totally normal to feel that way at week 5. Also, it's true that many people spike at week 5. For me, weeks 5-7 were my heaviest drinking weeks during TSM. What you're experiencing is totally normal and many of the "cured" went through the exact same thing.

Hi JDog - Yep, you are on your way. It truly is a roller coaster ride the first few months and for me it was that up until a couple of weeks ago. Up until week 12 or so my units per week were all over the place. I think it was week 12 for me that I drove drunk with my teenage daughter's friends in the car. Urrrr!

So, hang in there. You have to give this time, but I know you know that because for the most part your posts are always positive......you are one of those people who sees the glass half full and that will help you get to regained control with a lot less worry and stress.

BTW - My husband cleans our house and does the laundry too! Good going JDog!

This website is a gift from God (I am a believer) and the people who post after their success to support others will have their reward, I am sure. I am so grateful to this site. I would not have been able to embark on this journey without it.

Well, yesterday night, just before I left for my work function, I was scared that I would want to drink when I got home, so I took the NAL in advance. When I got home, I was not sure if I would have drank or not if I hadn't taken the NAL, but since I had, I didn't want to waste and opportunity for "treatment", and ended up consuming 6 units.

Tonight, same sort of thing. I am starting to catch a bad cold/flu which has run through my family and there was some great NBA playoffs and Major League Baseball on TV and I really wanted to relax and watch it with my boys. So I took my NAL, had 3 units and stopped. Picked up my daughter from her dance classes, returned home around 10 pm and drank some more. Tonights tally looks like 8. (If I dont' refill again, which I hope I don't do.)

Positives: Never, ever, would have been able to stop before, even temporarily, to stay sobre for my daughter's pickup. I resumed drinking when I got home, but as of 11pm I had had a great conversation with my girl, and I suspect she did not even know I was drinking. There is a huge clarity improvement for me and even at this moment (11:56pm), I have consumed 8 units, and am able to finish this entry with clarity (I think, anyway).

I feel like the last 2 days I could have fought hard for AF days, but I decided that I would rather take my NAL and drink. Recently, I have to honestly say that I look forward to the fact that I can take my NAL and drink without beating myself up and being ashamed. It is also due to the fact that my drinking is "measured". I may start the night thinking that I might only have 4 units and then end up consuming 8, but at least I decided to keep drinking. I was not helplessly driven to drink.

A year ago, I started drinking and then I had no idea or control over how it was going to end up - there was no deciding. Once I started, it was over. The Demon possessed my mind and I would awake in the morning to assess the damage to my body, my marriage, etc. I would have to check the bottle to see how much I actually drank (usually more than I intended) check my wife's mood to see if I had had a stupid argument, and check my memory to see if I had done or said something regrettable, if I could remember it.

I feel like right now, I have a choice, but I decide to drink. I hope that soon, I will have the moment of choice and choose not to drink. All the best to the TSM community.

NBA playoffs and a good baseball game are good triggers to eliminate so don't kick yourself for having some drinks. At week 5-6, you are still drinking through triggers and you really are "in treatment" when you drink through cravings on naltrexone. So I wouldn't worry too much about forcing the AF day if you feel a craving. What you may want to do is apply more effort to reduce the numbers when you do drink -- as opposed to entirely going AF when you are triggered.

After a few months on the method, you will gradually notice a reduction in triggering events and AF days will come more naturally. The issue I had was that after 4 months or so, I was waiting for a "light switch" moment where the thought of booze was unappealing, as several others described on the board. That never happened to me. Instead, I had a very subtle transition from drinking from craving to drinking out of pure habit. However, with your inclination to force AF days, it doesn't sound like you run that risk.

The increased clarity while drinking is a miracle almost on par with the miracle of reduced cravings. I'm glad you appreciate it. Try this clarity test the next time you are at 4 and are contemplating stopping: "I am an alcoholic with a life threatening disease. Do I really need that next drink or can I pass? Being able to pass at four sure is a sign my brain is being rewired." At some point in the process the answer will become plainly obvious and you will have true clarity.

I, and others here, are glad we can help. I know exactly what you are going through. You'll get to there.

My best,

Nick

JDog...

This is great stuff! Sounds like we have some similar issues regarding drinking and the wife and kids. I am hoping to salvage my relationship with my wife over the coming months which only help the happiness in our home and with our kids.

Can't wait for my Nal so I can join in on this journey!

Jdog and Squirrel, I commend you both on trying to get a handle on this before it puts an end to your family. Shared custody is no fun. I never thought a court order would determine at which times I got to see my kids. Everyone loses in that scenario. Try to make it work if you can. Once you get the drinking under control then you can disagree about truly important things like dishes, laundry, money, sex and who gets the remote.

JDog - What a great post. Yes, that is what I'm experiencing too and I'm in week 20 so your progress is truly fantastic.

Listen to Nick (don't we all ). He told me a few weeks ago to try to stay at 4 units a night. I struggled with it for a couple of weeks (the old alchy brain just didn't want to give up). Then, Wham!....out of nowhere that I can really determine came the realization that I could stop at 4 and that I didn't want more than that. I couldn't even imagine stopping at 4 before that moment. One night last week I went to pour the 5th glass of wine out of the bottle and just didn't want anymore. It was so easy that the next night I did the same thing and then the next night it happened again. I am convinced that if you are one of the 80%, TSM works whether you want it to or not.....if you follow the golden rule. Effort is needed once you fall out of love with alcohol to stop drinking out of habit, but that is the only real effort there is to this whole process. That's my two cents anyway.

You are on your way.

8 Units tonight after a semi-annual workplace trigger. I really appreciate everyone commenting on my thread.