G4M,

I wouldn't get hung up on this sudden spike. Those of us who've been heavy drinkers for decades MUST have more experiences and situations/triggers buried in our brains. How can we expect "typical" results when we've been hard core alcholics? I find it shocking how low the pre-TSM numbers are for many here who feel they have a problem. If I end up with their STARTING numbers, I'd be happy! But again, that's why I think it's counter productive to comapre ourselves to others.

I'm experiencing a serious problem with my youngest daughter right now regarding reaction to a medication. It makes no sense according to how things are "supposed to happen" and I can't find any consistent info for guidance. People's personal accounts are all over the place, and the suggestions made by professionals vary to ridiculous extremes. I'm actually going to start an off-topic thread about this, because I'm so scared and don't know what to do. But as it relates to TSM and medications in general - there is no "correct result", so comparisions become useless. Look how differently members here react to meds - why should we expect TSM to be any different?

You're doing fine. As long as you've seen ANY positive change at all, and I don't care what week - just know that it's working on some level. Screw the idea of having a set amount of time to prove success. I don't care if it takes YEARS for me to get to the level of drinking I'd like. As long as I've had even brief periods of improvement, I'll see that as enough reason to continue and have faith that this is the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. No worries, you're exactly where you're supposed to be for YOU.

Thanks, Kris. I'm usually a natural born cheer-leader, but today needed a few 'Rah! Rah's!' for myself, I guess. I do feel, in my gut, this method is going to work for me. But the progress is so very slow! I'm at 3-1/2 months, and my consumption is still way over safe levels. . .tho down from 70-80 upw to about 50. So something is happening, 'cause it sure ain't willpower!

It's wonderful to see how some folks, like Tom and happy4once, are having a fast, significant decline in their drinking levels. Makes me jealous, tho!

I agree with you that it's amazing how some people on here drink less at the start than we do now - one person started at 30 upw, and happy4 was at 45 pre-Sinclair. How great for them that they didn't have many the experience of having alcohol steal many precious years - joys, past-times, etc. - from their lives before they nipped it in the bud. How great for them that this method was discovered! My 20+ years of sobriety, while I raised my children, were a tremendous blessing. How I wish I hadn't fallen back into this damn hole!

g4m, as you know I have been down in the dumps a lot, as you are feeling right now. The only thing that I can add for you, and I am sure you have thought of it is, if you were 20plus years sober, and I was 13 years sober, we can do it again, somehow. I have to cling to that hope for now.
Tomorrow is another day!

Hey G4M - I think you are just having a bad week. We all get depressed and if you had a couple of big drinking days, that doesn't help.

Don't beat yourself up. AND I have had a huge backslide (maybe you meant someone else when you mentioned you were jealous...unfortunately!) I went back to near pre-sinclair levels a few weeks back and am still at levels I'm not happy about now. Stinks but what can you do?

Let's just take it as we have more to extinguish, not that it isn't working.

Sorry you are down in the dumps today, buck up buckeroooo - you will be kicking some Nal booty soon

Well, finished week 16. My drinking was up, but not as badly as I'd feared. Today is going to be an AF one. I have no wine in the house, and am planning a romantic dinner and . . . interlude . . . rather than drinking. I am really hyped about it! Jake comes home later b/c of his golf league, so I'll go out and play with my horses for awhile - something else that's gone somewhat by the wayside since starting TSM.

I got this via e-mail awhile back, and thought I'd share it here. It reminds me that I/we shouldn't wait until we get sober, get a better job - whatever - b/4 we learn to enjoy the life we're living right now.

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza who said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watchings. God has given each of us a "gift" that we are to use to glorify His name! Do you use yours?

G4M - how did it go last night? Have not searched the forum much, maybe you referenced it elsewhere. I'm glad your week ended up being better than expected...I really feel like our success is right around the corner at this point.

Thanks for the don't wait to live post - that is a great reminder.

The e mail is absolutely spot on and sterling . Lifted my spirits .
I hope yours are more lifted too now . If not the wind'll change and you'll
see differently very shortly I KNOW you will

Ah well, no AF after all. That day my sister called, and wanted to treat me to Red Lobster as a birthday luncheon. I'd already refused her generous offer the week before, so didn't feel I could do so again. And of course, lobster without wine is unthinkable!

Drinking levels remain steady. Not as high as b/4 Sinclair, but not as low as I'd wish. Staying the course. . .enjoying life. . .not beating myself up.

Thanks as always for the great posts. It definitely resonates with me.

I'll be REALLY happy when I get a degree. Got it. I'll be REALLY happy when I get a job. Got it. I'll be REALLY happy when I GET INTO law school. Check. I'll be happy REALLY when I get a job. Check. I'll be happy REALLY happy when I get a better paying job. Check. I'll be REALLY happy when I get a GF. Check... Along the way my dad was diagnosed with manic-depression at age 65 back in '95. Thank God he was at retirement age, a psychiatrist who already had gone to Harvard, and had a great wife and life and three boys raised without a mentally ill dad. But then, starting in the mid-90s started doing really nutty things for years, like uncharacteristically spending money and chasing chicks after 40 years of complete fidelity... Was hospitalized after suicide attempt, got out, seemed ok, more mania. Mom stuck with it longer than she should have and finally divorced him after 40 happy years, pre-manic depression. He was living alone for the first time, REJECTING all meds (especially Depichote, which is why I know this drug) and his diagnosis and doing crazy **** from '95 until April 08. Then last April we were having breakfast and he got dizzy and his face started sagging. Major stroke. Went to the hospital and he stayed there for three months. Saw him every day. Paralyzed, on left side, could not walk. He got out, I took care of him every day at his condo with GF and another full-time caretaker as he could not go to the bathroom by himself. Holding 6' 3" 200 pound man over toilet and cleaning him up, not easy, but he'd do it for me. Showed huge improvement after six months of intense daily physical therapy and occupational therapy. On October 2 we WALKED from the car to his doctor's office after six months in a wheel chair. We had dinner that night at his condo -- the night of the Sarah Palin debate/joke. He volunteered for Barack and we ridiculed her together. I returned to the condo the next day, October 3 and he had died peacefully in his sleep of another stroke. My best friend, dead. No religion for me so no solace in his death. No time for happiness now. (At his funeral I said, "We had dinner that night and watched the Sarah Palin debate. In light of the timing of my father's death I have come to one irrefutable conclusion: Sarah Palin killed my father." That was him -- we laughed together, always, even after the stroke, possible death and three months in the hospital and six months of rehab.) (Sorry Bob, for the politics, but this story would not be the same without it.)

But there is happiness, you just have to look hard and grab those moments. Otherwise, you blink, and it's over. I'm 45, well past the half-way mark. Time to take to heart that "happiness" credo and it all starts with TSM. My father would not want me to be a drunk -- he barely drank himself -- another huge motivation to stop.

No apologies necessary. It was a heart warming story and I am happy you had that last enjoyable night with your dad before he passed.

Bob