Am sitting on a plane about to hit Vegas but I have to say FanTASTIC!!

Yeah, what Lo0p didn't say.

Wow - what an impressive post! Very thought provoking - at the same time inspiring a lot of hope.

Go Broncos!

That's great!!! It is so encouraging to see someone so close. I'm with you in that I not sure how I will define the word cured. But I have a ways to go so there is plenty of time to think about it. good luck, you're a inspiration

Sorry its been a couple weeks since my last confessio... I mean post.

The last time I posted about drastic significant changes with regard to my drinking. I have noticed a few more things. While I am getting through the week with out any real urge to drink, when I do drink its to try and get drunk, or to a certain level fast. Im finding that beer just doenst cut it and have now started looking at the wine and harder alcohol, because the effects are quicker. This is a bit scarey.

This weekend I drank on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I drank too much crown and diet. On the Sunday we had a small party for a friend a brunch type of thing. A core group of people ended up staying well into the night. I found myself drinking mamosas and eventually ending up with crown and diet. Again I drank too much. Still alot lower than pre TSM levels, and actually normal behavior during all this.

Today I woke up feeling really bad, like I just did somthing bad, anxiety, shakes etc... basically my day has been shot, but by now Im feeling a bit better about things.

Im left wondering now... why my sudden interest in drinking harder alcohol? Ive read from other members that they have found themselves switching up drinks too. I think this may be an extinction burst, basically my beast seeking its relief with none to be had from whatever source.

Anyway, last night I found myself drinking into the am and listening to the ipod, just like old times. The difference being that I didnt offend anyone or act completley out of control, I was not anti social. My wife said, guess the honeymoon period is over. She believes I need to start being more aware of my therapy. Maybe add in a bit more restraint with the amount of drink. I agree.

A question also pops up, I took my Nal at 11am, had some drinks, took a nap, got back up and had some more drinks. Should I have popped another Nal in the evening? Maybe this would have helped?

Its funny, while I want to keep drinking when I do drink, Im fine if I dont have that next drink, like I dont have to have it, no huge urge to go steal sips or anything, but find myself carrying on. Odd, not sure how to explain it.

So while far from being cure, I rest with the fact that I am not making an ass of myself, I get through weekdays pretty much urge free. Where I find my struggles now is, what I am drinking (crown and diet) and the amount I am drinking on lately. Scarey but I have to believe that in time this too will get better.

Again I have to wonder if this is the way it may always be, if I decide to drink, it will be to get drunk? Why else drink? I dont really like the taste, and dont like the affect only 1 drink gives me. So why do it?

Oh yah, as Nick mentioned in his update, about extinction and punishment. The fear of hangover definitely is a good reminder of punishment that is starting to affect my decisions to drink or not. I dont want a hangover, and dont want to risk one, so I decide not to drink during the week, kinda how it goes for me.

My fantasy football team lost this week by a very close margin, which makes me wack myself for not changing personel around better. Oh well, on to next week.

Well wishes to everyone!

hapful

(I think Im missing somthing because Im still abit fuzzy recovering from yesterday/last night)

Your experience is very much like mine. After the honeymoon I was drinking more, trying to get the good buzz. I do believe this is the extinction burst and this will pass. Remember, extinction takes three to four months minimum, so you can expect this pattern to continue well into Oct/Nov. The fact you are no longer "stealing sips" and are no longer super excited about the next drink is what I experienced and is, I believe, the first stage of extinction. Keep it up my friend, in a couple of months or so, you will be able to take it or leave it.

Hi Everyone !

Im thinking progress continues. Odd things seem to be happening. In the past 3 or 4 drinking occasions Ive noticed some glaring discrepencies.

I notice that if I stick to beer only I am fine. I can basically control my intake.

I notice that my beast brain is seeking the affects by wanting harder alcohol like crown royal. Once I get into this, it seems I keep drinking, I find myself pretty drunk and have a hangover the next day.

Moral of the story? Stick to Beer.

Im not sure if Ill ever be able to drink anything but beer at this point. Who knows maybe in time I will be able to drink anything and just say no after one or a couple? I have to believe it will happen, but right now I cant see it.

I notice that I can go AF days no problem, no real cravings or urges, in fact I find myself NOT wanting to drink, but I have yet to go AF on a social occasion.

Im thinking progress will slow down considerably from here, mainly because Im finding I really dont want to drink, and you have to drink in order to extinguish triggers.

Im finding I really dont like the way I feel with beer, thats why Im looking for the harder stuff. Its a danger zone. While my cravings while sober have diminished to near nothing, I still am battling my intake on any particular drinking occasion. Mainly with harder AL.

I drank last night, and started out with beer. I was starting to feel really tired and more guests showed up, so it prompted me to get into the crown. My wife eyed me when I didnt this, because she could foresee what would happen. Today I woke up not feeling really bad, but more shame in that I drank too much. I wanted to be clear headed today to do some activities with the kids. I enjoy that immensely so having hangover affects is really dissapointing. I think I had some DTs too. Its funny how the affects of a hangover really make you focus on any negatives going on in your life, actually blows them out of proportion. Right now, Im trying to get into a good frame of mind, to be more on my game when we go out with the kids later.

To sum it all up....Im finding no real urge to drink. When I do drink...I have to stick to beer. If I drink harder AL I run a very good risk of going over board. Its an odd place to be.

Hope everyone is doing well. Keep on keeping on everyone!

hapful

Hapful,
You have written some wonderful posts. I believe you gotta stop having so many visitors .
But I would say drink as you normally would unless under some other pressure to change. I always drank beer and crown amongst other stuff. I find I drink more wine/ crown etc., just because it goes down quicker.
You seem do be doing very good though.
Try to be patient.

Thanks for the reply rapper!

Your so right. I think there will be many things to be aware of moving forward. And problably has to do with the caveat that springerrider posted about. I have to not take all this positive that is happening to me for granted, be grateful, and just know that everytime I drink on nal I am getting better. I just hate hangovers lol.

Its funny, while Nal will cure my AL problem, it certainly wont cure any other problems we have in life. It will make dealing with them better. Guess what Im trying to say is, I need to use this gift of TSM as a starting point and focus on other areas of my life that I feel are lacking. Like Nick taking up the piano, what a great idea.

Again thanks for the reply.

Hey everyone, sorry Ive been away so long....when I tried to come here last few times the site was down for various reasons.

Anyway its been such a long time since I updated I dont really know where to start. I read a few posts to try and catch up.

I went almost 2 weeks without a drinking session. Mainly because there was no one to really go out with 2 weekends ago. I probably would have if there was. But for the most part there wasnt really any huge urge to drink. Yes, I thought about it, then upon 2nd thought, I really didnt want to feel drunk. Or battle with the issues of feeling drunk, or trying to feel drunk...drinking for me is starting to become more of a task with no reward at the end. Ive pictured myself just staying away from it completely. Which is why I stated in previous posts that my therapy would go slower due to lack of drinking. lol

Lately, Ive started to become nauseas when drinking, which isnt a fun feeling at all....so its like, do I really want to feel like that? When I do drink, I still want to get some sort of good feeling, but its like its not really coming, or when it does, it last only a short period then on into nausea. I still find myself wanting to drink more, searching for a feeling, and I do run the risk of going overboard, but for the most part, when I stop myself, its really OK. Not like before, panicing searching for another shot, wine, beer anything....its ok if I dont have another. But to me at this point, like alot of things in my life, its black and white, either I drink or I dont. Not one beer, but several, or I dont want to. Why just have one? What does that do for you? Its starting to become not a social obligation, but almost a social burden. Drinking that is.

Before TSM I used to search for some party that would never happen, but I kept looking no matter what. Now I still am looking for that party, but when I start to realize its not coming, I can stop.

Im not sure if this nausea is still a side affect from the Nal that I still need to get used to? seeing as how, Ive only taken 30 pills equating to 30 drinking sessions. Yes, you read that right, and Ive progrossed soooo much since starting TSM. I dont wake up going, oh God I wish I didnt do that or say that. Thats huge! Ive experience occasional hangover, but Ive also woken up earlier than I would have sober, just because I went to bed earlier feeling tired.

I read Firebirds post, very interesting theory on Nal quality, seeing as how I just reordered, this time from alldaychemist. Simple enough process and wayyyy cheaper. (Has anyone noticed a difference in Nal from either River or Alldaychemist?)

Each time I drink, it seems somthing new is developing, and I form theories based on that. So whats my theory now? Well....lets see... I am of the opinion that it takes a bit of will power, as with anything, in order to either go AF or stay within a certain limit, you must always be aware. Which is very understandable, considering we are all Alkies here. Its like being broadsided by a car at an intersection after someone runs the red light. Next time youll be sure to look to see if its clear Im sure. You will always be aware, or atleast should be. To me right now, I believe that it will always be like this, we will always run the risk of drinking too much. But I think what changes is more days where we just dont NEED to drink. It becomes that not a big deal anymore. Like now. So I think there is a two front battle, the occasions we do drink, where we want to control the amount of AL we intake, and the days we stay AF, where we dont want the urge anymore. I getting pretty good at both right now. But the AF days are really more appealing at this point. Truely.

Ofcourse the word "cured" im not too sure Ill ever use it, what Im looking for is a feeling or some happy medium, being able to go out, drink with friends on any given night, not feel nauseas, wake up hangover free at an acceptable time. And no problems caused due to AL. That to me is cured. And right now I almost have that!

I looked around me, and the number of people that are considered "normal" drinkers were less than the heavier drinkers, and yet I would not consider the heavier drinkers problem drinkers. So what is a problem drinker? 99% of the time Im in a social setting when drinking, that means the AL flows more freely than just having a drink at dinner, somthing I choose not to do. I would rather have a diet coke with my food than beer or wine. So its a bit confusing when thinking of my progress in this TSM therapy, what is a problem drinker? I you go off the AA version, everyone is. Right now to me, among my friends, Im very much a light weight. I still think of myself as a heavy, but I can only drink like a light weight or else get sick.

Oh yes, it also depends alot on WHAT I drink. As long as Im sticking to beer, Im pretty ok. If I drink harder stuff, hangover time.

Anyway, Ive come along way from my Pre TSM patterns, while the template for the pattern is still there, Im just not filling in all the blanks.

Ok, I probably missed alot, in which case Ill come back to post it lol. These are my thoughts to date.

Oh and just to iterate...for anyone that may be considering TSM...if I had it to do over again, only this time I knew what was going to happen to this point, I would run not walk to getting started. The change in my drinking is so significant compared with Pre TSM, I would say it was miraculous, but I cant call it that... because its not a miracle, its actually PROVEN SCIENCE. The only miraculous part about this is that someone discovered it. Of which I am eternally grateful.

For those that may have struggles, lets say the end goal in this was California. My drinking carreer only took me to say, Nevada, some of those with quite an extinguished drinking record probably went as far as the east coast, now we are on our way back to cali. Goin back to Cali, to Cali, to Cali...(sorry). Anyway...it will take some alot longer to get there, and with many more obstacles in thier way, so keep on going or youll never get there. Just know that if you keep heading west youll eventually hit Cali, its such a big place. Believe me California exists, I think I can see it from here!

PS Nick my wifes parents were over 20 years apart and Im not sure if I ever saw a couple love each more. They thought with thier hearts vs what might be socially acceptable and everything worked out fine. There was an overwhelming force that brought them together, kinda like me and my beer pre TSM lol. So if it does or doesnt happen bud, that force was either strong or not so strong, in either case you should be happy, because youll have either found the one with the force, or end up finding the one with the force...eventually, and thats the one you truly want. USE THE FORCE!