You are gradually regaining control. Hang in there.

RE: your doctor. Since naltrexone is incorrectly advertised as an anti-craving drug to be used with abstinence, would your doctor give it to you if you said your goal was abstinence? It's your health.

My best,

Nick

Bad weekend. Had a difficult thing happen to my son and his heart was breaking and mine ached for him. I really wanted to get a drink. And I did-about 10 of them every night. Fell asleep, or shall I say passed out at the movie theater the minute the movie started and was awoken when the credits ran. How sad is that. The following night we went out to a bar and I over drank and got pissed off when I told my husband I was tired and wanted to go home and he said he wasn't ready. So I left the bar and was contemplating a cab home, and it is a 40 minute ride, when he texted me that he would take me home. This morning he confronted me on my strange behavior and questioned how much I had to drink. I just sat there full of shame and self loathing. I so hope that the Nal does it's work before I do something so shameful that I loose friends. I am not at all happy with myself or my progress for the past several weeks. Tonight will be an AF night, that always makes me feel better when I get one of those in. So why can't I make them most of my nights? I know the answer to that-Nal+AL+patience, but it is hard to hold the faith when I have such an alcohol soaked weekend complete with poor behavior.
I haven't felt any progress this week, I have wanted my drink and have been getting the itch for one around 5PM and than I indulge unti I black out. This is exactly the same behavior as prior to starting Nal. I won't stop TSM but I am not very happy right now.

It sucks, I know, but flag this post for future reference. You are in "extinction burst" mode after the honeymoon. Keep taking the pill. You will look back on this and say, "Nick was right, it was just part of the rough journey." Hang in there. My posts were filled with self-loathing for months and months before I turned the corner. You will too.

My best,

Nick

I know it may seem like things aren't progressing, but consider that you're really just getting started. Sounds like your spike in drinking was mostly situational, which is certainly understandable, especially when you're right at the beginning of this TSM journey. Believe me, it gets better. The main thing is to doggedly take that pill an hour before drinking, no matter what, and don't worry about the occasional setback - because you'll have them regardless. Hang in there.

Thanks Nick and Weird-the words of encouragement keep me going. Last night was not AF, and not even low units, but it was controlled; no passing out on the couch, slower drinking, no bad behavior and water in between. And I read many of the "cured" postings going back to the early part of their journey and it helps me to keep the faith.

Good deal BlueHen - You drank in a controlled fashion. I am now at the point where alcohol has little or no effect on me even when I drink big numbers which is frustrating, but I am sure it too is part of the process. The brain learning not to crave alcohol produces those extinction bursts.

Posted week 8 numbers today and I seem to be holding steady at 57+ a week which is discouraging. I did have an AF day mostly because I felt so crappy from drinking the night before, but prior to TSM there was no such thing as an AF day, so I will take that as progress. And it was easy. I had planned to go AF last night and was feeling very comfortable about it, but my husband and I decided to have a picnic in front of the fire as the weather had been horrible all day, and of course that meant wine(plus some vodka on the side) so I ended up drinking 8 units last night. But again it was controlled, no passing out or bad behavior. We actually had a very nice evening-something we really have needed.
I need to get the hard alcohol out of the house. As many of you have suggested I should just stick with wine. My husband purchases the hard liquer as he likes to have a drink or two every week, and then I get into it and it is all gone. So I buy more so he can have his occassional drink and then I drink that too. I know he would be fine with my request to keep it out of the house, but in discussing it with him I have to bring up my drinking and that leads to a potential discussion about TSM and how he won't see how it is working since I am still drinking so heavily blah blah blah. But it needs to happen so I can stop raiding the hard liquer. I will wait until the right moment to bring it up.
So begins week 9...

Hi Bluehen

You & I have both had setbacks recently. I guess we just need to hang in there and try not to beat ourselves up.
In my AA days (a large chunk of the last 17 years) I frequently had to ask my hubby to remove all the alcohol from the house or hide it. Sometimes he would hide it in a drawer in our office which I would then find. Sometimes it would be in the back of his car. A couple of years ago I bought him a beer fridge for his birthday which he was quite happy about. That is up in the shed and I can never get the key to the shed to work, so it made me feel safe!

Since starting TSM I have been far more comfortable with alcohol in the house, but I did get stuck into a bottle of bourbon he was given. I didn't even like the taste- I'd rather have gin or vodka. Fortunately he usually only has beer around.

Anyway it is a good idea to get your hubby to remove the hard stuff from the house for a while. You'll just have to go thru explaining how TSM works again. Good to hear you had a pleasant picnic in front of the fire (sounds fun!). And your numbers are still down overall.

Cheers
Sticky

Bluehen, don't be too concerned about your numbers. 8 weeks is still very early in TSM. Pay attention to the subtle changes like the AF days like you already are. The change happens very slowly, subtly and more in your subconscious than anyway else.

Good going BlueHen - You seem back on track. I feel for you with the hard liquor. My issue so far seems to be only wine. I have a bottle of Irish whiskey and champagne in the cabinet that have been there for ten years and I haven't touched those (yet). My husband keeps light beer in the pantry and I'm not inclined to drink that either. However, if there is wine in the house, I drink all of it on some nights...so I try not to keep more than one bottle in the house at one time even if it requires pouring out the extra in a left over bottle when I buy a new bottle.

Glad to see you had a better week.