Lol, good point. I think it's because I divided the number of AF days in four weeks by four and there were 25 AF days. I should probably round up or down.

Wow - it's a big coincidence that I last posted one year ago, at least on this thread.

I found success with NAL, then started drinking 'cause I missed the high and was somewhat deluded that I could control my drinking again. That lead me into spending yesterday in bed all day with a hangover, demoralized and horrified that my kids knew I was that hungover.

I desperately want to quit again, but keep saying after the next event. Well, tomorrow is the next event then I want to start taking NAL again. One of the things that stops me is that feel really sleepy yet don't sleep well when I take it. Not to mention I'm so enamored of drinking and the scene that I can't imagine my life without it even though I know that's really dumb and not a good thing for me and my family.

Another thing, I fear I may have breast cancer and know that I shouldn't drink. That's how powerful this stupid addiction is. I haven't had a biopsy yet, know I shouldn't drink regardless, but I still struggle. Aagh!

I need pep talks!

Thank you everyone!

I would like to add that I am feeling really lost about not being able to drink. It's everywhere and I am so seduced by it. Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing if I can't drink. It looks like everything fun involves drinking. I don't know who my friends will be or what my social life will be like. It's really crazy because I stopped drinking for 20 years! I hate it. I need to be done with it.

My son turns 21 this year. I want to be completely sober so I can guide him from a place of integrity.

You may have to find other friends and other things to do. Its something Im struggling with at the moment. Drinking/going out was 80% of what i did before. Now i work out a lot. Still, not exactly fun. Then i have been watching netflix more than i should, something i never did before.

Uhgh, im kinda boring now.

For me drinking is not influenced by friends as I moved far away now just. Loneliness is my trigger.

"Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing if I can't drink."

This was exactly how I felt! Without drink, life would be unbearable. But I also knew that my life with drink was going to have a very unhappy ending. Before I discovered TSM, I always assumed the only way out was a 12-stepper deal. And every time I pictured that, I pictured a terrible life of deprivation, living on pins and needles. I didn't want any of that, either. I went to one AA meeting, and couldn't get away fast enough! And another funny thing: I was convinced that if I went through all the hell of 12-stepping and succeeded in living a new sober life of deprivation, that I was then certain to be either hit by a bus or develop a fatal cancer, -and it would all of been for not!

But as I went through TSM, although it took time, it did all work out and I now live a very nice and complete life, no deprivation, and no pins and needles. No cravings at all, thank you. I never would have believed that to be possible. I wrote a post somewhat on this subject called "What Was Lost". But eventually, I was able to write another: "What Was Gained". It just took awhile.

Perhaps as long as we are still addicted, are brains cannot see life without alcohol clearly. But, at least for me, as the addiction began to fade, my vision for the future became more acute.

As I have stated many times, part of the "cure" is a changed lifestyle. One thing an alcoholic never is, is bored. But boredom sets in once the drink is reduced if we do not find other activities. Seems like a lot of folks like to jump into exercise. I instead focused more on my work and new hobbies. I also have begun to read a lot again. I stopped years ago because although I seemed to read just fine while drinking, the next day I couldn't remember half of what I read and couldn't keep up with the plot!

Additionally, a lot of activities that I used to like while drinking no longer have the same allure, and this still surprises me sometimes. I thik I am all set, and then find myself bored and have to move on.

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your comments. I took Nal finally last night and immediately felt relieved knowing I was not going to drink too much. I forced myself to drink 2 beers.

I told my husband a few weeks ago that I wanted to stop drinking and was going to start drinking with Nal, then proceeded to keep drinking without it. I'm sick of it though.

It's weird, I know I have plenty in my life and all day long I'm one person, sober, happy with my job, feeling fulfilled, etc. At night is when I start to struggle. I guess it's just the habit and triggers. I know I'll lose my addiction if I keep with this because I became very disinterested last time I was taking the Nal on a regular basis.

Hi there Maggie - so sorry that you are having such trouble taking Nal when it helped you so much! I know that the one time in my life when I stopped (for 8 months), I had to find different things to do - all of a sudden life was looming large at me - and AL wasn't there to stop it from happening. It was quite scary at the time but with Nal I am finding that it is happening in a different way. I know that I will still have to address that issue when I get to that point - I agree with another poster that said an alcoholic is never bored - now we have to start to find things to do. And what is with the thinking that you might have Breast Cancer ? Drinking is not going to help that - I am hoping that you have had that looked at ? I DID have breast cancer - and I am sure it was from my AL intake, although of course will never know.

Hope that you keep taking the Nal - and keep posting. It gets pretty lonely here on this site as there are only a few of us posting and I for one, find the others posts SO helpful!

I am on week 4 (I think) and have noticed my intake dropping - well, it dropped that first week and has stayed more or less the same since but I am not worried - I know what is going to happen - I just need to be patient and follow THE rule !

Hugs, Maggie xx

I understand Maggiemay and I find that night time is also the time I feel "triggered" to drink and mostly out of habit. Overall your progress has been significant and you should be proud of that!