Thank you, thank you, thank you all for the wise, compassionate and humorous comments. It really does help to have you all along for the ride. I appreciate all of you!!

I have continued to be as bad as I have ever been, and had some quite regrettable incidents over the past week. I won't even go into detail, I am lucky I didn't get hurt, and I am trying to forget.

I keep having the same conversation with myself that I have had time and time again over the years. It goes something like this: "I feel so awful today, why do I do this to myself? I will not drink tonight, or even all week, so I can feel good, get things done and enjoy a healthy life. Tomorrow will be great!" Then, something, one trigger or another, details me, and I end up feeling like crap for another day. Ugh ... will this never end?

I know, I know, I am too close to the beginning. I WILL stay the course, no reason not to right? I'll give it up to two years to work. I have kind of lost my motivation and stopped counting or measuring as accurately as I was before. But, if I was counting, the numbers would be basically the same.

Okay, done being bummed. Onward and upward!

Hey YG, don't beat yourself up. Al addiction is freaking hard. It's taken us years to learn this nasty addiction... It could take a while to unlearn it. Keep focussing on the end goal... And celebrate even the smallest success along the way.

Count up how many glasses of wine u have NOT had since starting TSM. It's amazing when u look at it that way. Even one less glass of wine every day... Over 13 weeks is 91 glasses or roughly 22 bottles of wine. Far out that's roughly 12000 calories (10 days calories) and roughly $400 saving.

I think we all need to celebrate the small steps in this tough journey.

Huge hugs
Kiwi x

Hey YG,

Kiwi's right - don't be hard on yourself. This is a long trip we're on, and even negative incidents bring us one step closer to the goal. When those things happen, tell yourself that, unlike so many others, at least you're now trying to do something positive for yourself. I drank heavily for decades and had many of those conversations with myself that you mentioned. The difference was, I wasn't taking any steps to make things better; now I am. I think we can all celebrate that fact, and any small victory that we achieve. After all, those small victories eventually lead to the big one.

Yogagirl,

Trust me. I am the queen of regrettable incidents Carry on and try to use these as opportunities to reprogram your brain.

From what I understand, this takes time. I look forward to hearing about your eventual success. BTDT

Well, another week and still not much progress in units. But I will take some of the great advice I have gotten here, and look at what progress I HAVE made ... because when I stop beating myself up (we all do that, don't we?) things really ARE changing for me, slowly.

The biggest change I notice is, I do not have a craving for alcohol at 5pm like I used to. Before TSM (16 weeks ago) I was counting the minutes till 5pm. Now it comes and goes, and I don't even notice. Later, I often find myself drinking, when I don't feel like it AT ALL. I think that is the habit vs. addiction thing I have seen others discuss. So now the work is in changing habits, since the craving is much lower than before.

Here's where things have not changed, or maybe have been worse: When I start, I seem to drink a lot, very quickly. As if I am on some kind of mission. I am wondering about that extinction burst many have experienced, because I have had some pretty hellish hangovers over the past few weeks, and some nights where I seemed absolutely driven to drink as much as possible. If I look carefully, I see that those times corresponded with some pretty heavy triggers. So, if TSM works for me, perhaps I was extinguishing some triggers in the long run?

Last night I was happily AF, after a hellish hangover all day yesterday. Today I feel fabulous and wonder why the hell I EVER do that to myself ON PURPOSE! I want to try another AF day today and see if it is easy when I am not suffering with what felt close to poisoning. At 10am, this seems like it will be easy ... of course that often changes when habit, or a neighbor with a drink in his hand, or any number of things derails me. But I will say that right now, my very sincere plan is to have another AF day today, and as many days as I can this week. I will apply a little effort now that I am four months in, and see where that takes me.

Hang in there. While some seem to taper down gradually, some folks here have reported that the change came upon them suddenly, pretty much by surprise. They described it as a switch being flipped.

Good to hear from you Yoga, you're doing great. Just keep taking the Nal an hour prior. It's cool that you have a doc onboard who's familiar with TSM. I wish mine was. She is comfy with Nal but I think she's still a bit skeptical about TSM because of the book's controversial title and blah.

Take it easy on yourself. You are working on it. I am sure it would help not to worry and just take Nal without thinking about it, but how could I tell you that? I log into this damn site and post every f***ing day! but I'm single and 33 and a dual personality slacker/workaholic obviously obsessed with TSM, whereas you have the whole fam thing going and I'm sure that keeps you occupied in a positive way. use that. I'm sure you do.

Good luck with the AF day, I am going to try for one tonight too. Holler at me on FB if you need encouragement. I tend to work on the computer weeknights and am easily distracted online as y'all on the board probably know already

P.S. anybody know what the hell this smiley is for? a smiley void of any expression? WTF? not sure how I feel about this

Interesting that your doc did the 25mg for you start. That makes me feel better about what I chose to do. I do not have a DR. but just my own decision to start and stay on 25mg for four weeks then bump myself to the 50mg. it was my common sense and knowing some meds make me sick. The 25 worked fairly well but just started the 50mg two days ago and feel fine. Hoping for even better results, time will tell but I am feeling much more control when I do drink. Down from 72 units per week to 48 units last week, week #4. I think that is 67% of what I was drinking before the Naltrexone is a good start.
Good Luck,
Mike McO.

Awesome, Mike ... that is a huge improvement in a very short time!! Yes, my doc (and I am lucky to have one) started me at 25mg for 2 weeks, 50mg for 2 weeks, and I've been on 75mg for the last 12 weeks. I can't say I noticed any difference between 50mg and 75mg, but my doctor said that is her preferred protocol after seeing many patients successfully using TSM. I see her again next week, so I wonder if she will keep me at 75mg, or change it. Stay tuned!

Joe .... looked for you on FB, where are you this evening? You are right, the family keeps me from being online constantly, otherwise I would be here all the time. A husband and small children do keep the internet addiction at bay! (BTW, no idea what is all about ... neutral? Why not just put nothing? LOL)

Thanks PV, always happy to hear from you!!

So, I am AF again tonight (2 in a row, woo hoo!) and did it with only fleeting thoughts of wine, no obsessive thinking, no effort. Also no triggers. But, I feel good nonetheless! I will try another tomorrow.

Good night, all!

That's so awesome! I'm glad you got to experience it. sorry i missed ya. I guess i was editing and forgot to check. then when i got done, I went to toe wine out of habit. maybe if i'd chatted with you it woulda rubbed off. well 4 glasses ain't bad. Congrats Yoga!