Hey EL,

Agreed.... Sounds like we are in a similar spot. At least for now it's probably safer for me to stay away from whiskey. Is it ideal? No. Is it what I dreamed of during my honeymoon phase? No. Is that disappointing? Monumentally. All that aside though, maintaining control with only beer and wine wasn't possible for me pre-nal. The cravings were too strong, and the second and third bottles of wine almost always got opened after the beer was done. Because of the real progress I feel I have made, the shortcomings that remain aren't nearly as disheartening or scary as the idea of quitting altogether once was.

You know it's funny - the idea of quitting altogether, though still not something I relish, is not nearly as scary as it once was - you're right! There's always that, I guess :/

I've had an enormous success this weekend that I feel the need to shamelessly brag about. Yesterday my wife and I went in for our first prenatal ultrasound. It was bad news. No heartbeat. Probably not a viable pregnancy.

Then we went to a birthday party. A year ago I would have drank myself absolutely retarded. But yesterday I didn't. It actually didn't even occur to me until this morning that in the past that is how I would have coped with this. Beyond coping, a year ago I would have used this semi-tragedy as an EXCUSE to drink myself into a stupor. Nobody can blame you for pissing yourself the day you go through something like this, right?

I'm not cured yet, but my relationship with alcohol has fundamentally changed. How I view the bottle is absolutely different. I feel triumphant and I needed to crow. Thanks for listening everyone.

thanks for sharing man, sorry to hear about the pregnancy, but kudos to you for handling it they way we all should, that is, sober. Best of luck.

Generic, I've enjoyed reading through your posts and found inspiration in them. I'm sure your wife was extremely appreciative that you were able to support her through this sad event while sober. Miscarriages can be very hard for both moms and dads.

Ugh, what an awful weekend. I promised myself that I'd start posting my failures as well as my successes, so here goes:

After a couple of unacceptably boozy weekends, I tried to take some time off last week. Most of the week was fine, but Wednesday was an alumni event for the new installation of lights on the bay bridge... Very very good wine was free and being pushed. I certainly didn't push back. Thursday was pretty bad, but AF.

Then Friday comes and some old drinking buddies from the East coast are in town. I have given up hard A for lent, but just drinking wine, I blacked out... Or at least dark gray. I remember brushing my teeth, at least there's that. Saturday morning and I feel AWFUL. We go wine tasting at 2pm and I'm immediately better. I manage to ride a pretty strong buzz all day long. I don't really consider that a success. For me a full day of drinking is a hazy affair that stinks of death. There's plenty of confusion and unnecessary emotion. Yuck. Saturday night borderline blackout again. Many details are missing. My wife isn't pissed so I must not have done anything too bad. Sunday comes and I feel like absolute hell. I broke the cycle though and went AF, no sleeping pills or anything. Not a lot of quality sleep last night, but I've been through much worse in the past.

I've plateau'd recently, and I'm frustrated. I'm coming up on my one year nal-iversary, and while I didn't know what to think when I started, my early successes had me hopeful that I'd be farther along than this. When I get going it's hard to keep it under a bottle of wine, and this weekend it was probably twice that. A bottle as a max is probably where I want to be in the end of this thing, so I feel frustratingly close, but at the same time, weekends like this are worrisome.

My plan now is to follow HeavyFuel's lead and increase the number of AF days I have. I don't find it hard anymore to go without completely... Has anyone else noticed a trend where increasing AF days also decreases # of drinks on drinking days? I need some AF weekends. I haven't been able to avoid it lately.

I guess I have to also still look at the positives, as hard as that can be with a 2 day hangover. 2pm wine tasting is the closest I have gotten to day drinking my weekend hangovers away since my first dose of nal. 10am Sunday vodka used to be a pretty standard occurrence.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, let me know if you have any tips for me on crossing the finish line.

We started nearly the same time (within weeks I think) and I believe you're doing better than me. I don't really stink of death anymore (I stopped drinking the hard stuff) but you seem to manage more AF days than me. Stick with it, generic. I believe the Sinclair Method works and I believe it will work for you; just have to keep nal'ing.

Thanks for the encouragement Skylar. I'm definitely feeling better today after another AF night. I think I realized something this morning.

I've always wanted to have it both ways in life. When I was a kid I wanted Pizza and Doritos but I didn't want to be fat. When I was in college I wanted to be a party animal and ladies man but also be a double major in Genetics and Math. Now, I want to drink every night but not so much that it affects my mornings.

I am going to try to make AF days part of a new mindset. "Normal" people don't drink every night. I know some people who manage to have their **** completely together while having a couple glasses of wine a night. Right now, that's not working for me. I finish the bottle. Just one bottle really doesn't wreck the next day for me, but it's quintessentially trying to have it both ways. I'm going to try to re-frame drinking in my mind, not as an integral part of my life, but as a treat. Hopefully not an every Friday AND Saturday (and Wednesday TBH) treat either.

I don't HAVE to drink on a weekend if I don't want to. Sometimes I feel myself doing it out of habit, without joy.
I don't HAVE to drink on St. Paddy's day.
I don't HAVE to drink after a long day of skiing.
I don't HAVE to drink to fall asleep. If I don't think it will happen unassisted, I can always take a benadryl.

Keep up the good work Skylar, I hope to see you at graduation.

I like Melatonin over Benedryl on an AF day or even like yesterday with only 3 before dinner. I take the Melatonin right after dinner, if I'm staying home. 8 or 9pm if I am not at home but getting home soon. I won't take one much after 9pm, because I will be sleeping pretty good when alarm goes off.

I've always wanted to have it both ways in life. When I was a kid I wanted Pizza and Doritos but I didn't want to be fat. When I was in college I wanted to be a party animal and ladies man but also be a double major in Genetics and Math. Now, I want to drink every night but not so much that it affects my mornings.

If you're married, it's sort of like wanting to be happily married AND having sex with multiple women. I choose not to do that, even though for me that would be about 25 times more pleasureable than alcohol (and, probably, with no health consequences if I were careful). It's a good analogy to alcohol abstinence -- yes, it feels great to drink , but it's not good for my overall happiness and well being, just like it would feel good to sleep around with women, but it's not good for my overall happiness and well being. I work with many, many hot women, and would have multiple opportunities. If you had a thing for hot nurses, you would be in heaven in my job. Yowsa!