Yes, it is unsettling (to say the least) to have the honeymoon, think you're cured and then have a spike. I laugh when I read my post from the first week of disinterested drinking: I thought I was cured! LOL, far from it. Just follow the formula and remember that each drinking session is an extinction session. At this early point, I would not exert a lot of effort not to drink if you are craving a drink. But after a few, I would mix in some harm reduction (water between drinks, taking your time, etc.) and I would be having an ongoing cost/benefit analysis in my head with each drink: "Sure I want this drink, but will it be worth the added malaise tomorrow?"... "Sure I want this drink, but I'm an alcoholic fighting for my life and family. Do I really need the drink that much?" These inner dialogues helped me and eventually I answered to myself, "Hell no, it's not worth it" and meant it. That answer will come to you but it will take time.

My best,

Nick

Week #3 Summary.

This week my units Friday to Thursday were 8,8,10,8,8,10,11 (0AF) = 63. Yikes!

Well I drank every day this week. I haven't done that in a while and I have to admit that I am sort of back "in routine" of drinking at night after work. With NAL every time. I am back to enjoying my booze, looking forward to getting home and having a few. I don't feel the NAV directly as much as the first couple of weeks. The drinking seems more like old times.

It is a little unsettling but I am trusting the process and going with it. There are still differences. I used to drink to "pass out"/oblivion and would wake up and look at my vodka bottle hoping there was a lot left and that I hadn't had 12-20 units. Towards the end of my bad times, I had to keep only about 15 units on hand - enough to give me enough of a fix to almost knock me out. I worked my way around the liquor stores in town so they didn't see me on a daily basis, but I had to get to one each day. If I had any more on hand, it would get drank and I would really hurt the next day. Once in a while, I might have a late function at work and panic if I wasn't going to get to the store before closing time.

Every night this week, I have poured out drinks before bed, or come down to the kitchen and seen that I drank less than I thought. I haven't had a brutal headache, and I still dream when I sleep which I never did before. I could hardly sleep before. I am far more clear headed the next day than before as well. It is a noticable difference.

Now, to save money on buying smaller amounts each day, I have a very large bottle of Vodka on hand and am working my way through it. Before, I would never have been able to hold off destroying it and myself quickly. So I guess the drinking is up, but it still sort of feels, "controlled". I don't feel like I am spiralling out of control. I know that to a non-drinker that number would be absurd.

For example, it is 12:30 pm on a Saturday. The NCAA Final 4 is on tonight, and I am going to clean the garage and drink later on. If this was my past, I would be itching right now (badly) trying to hold off drinking so that I didn't ruin the whole day. Or else, I would be drinking right now...planning to sleep it off from around 4-6pm. Get up and go for round 2. I would probably not make it through the first game without being out cold, and I would likely have to wake up and check the internet to find out who won. Even if I had stayed awake, I might not remember it.

Last night, I watched a full baseball game and part of another game after that, while drinking my juice, vodka and carbonated water. I remember it well and made it to bed. I got up this morning thinking that I had consumed 11 units, but to my surprise there was 2 units left undrank, so it was 9.

While drinking now, I hear a little, "positive voice" telling me to slow down, asking if I should stop, do I really need a refill, wait a little longer before pouring again, etc. When in full addiction before without NAL, I never heard that voice after about the 3rd unit and there was no slowing down possible, unless I was at a work event, when I would white-knuckle it after 3 drinks, knowing that when I got home 10 more units were waiting (at least) to finish off the night.

Also, for the first two weeks of this NAL drinking, I just stayed away from my wife when I started drinking. She is understandably scarred from the past few years and I would often get into stupid arguments with her that I would regret in the morning and half the time, not even remember. We sort of agreed after a while, when it seemed I couldn't stop drinking, that as soon as I started we would stay apart. But as soon as she smelt it, or saw my red face, she would stay away and refuse to talk to me. I don't blame her one bit, by the way.

Now as I drink, I find myself getting all silly and lovey dovey with her and wanting to tell her over and over how much I love her, appreciate her, etc. I get more loving, rather than irritating and more evil.

Last night she went to kiss me after I had had a few. I turned away, as I respect her so much that I don't want her to smell it. I told her I had drank some. She told me to kiss her anyway with a big smile. She said, 'I might as well get used to it'. I take that to mean that, like me, she is slowly rewiring her reaction to my drinking. I am not the jerk I was before after drinking. She must be able to see the difference that drinking on NAL makes. I take that as a good sign, even though the numbers are up. (My wife is the best.)

I still liken my alcoholism to being possessed by a Demon. I always felt like I was possessed by a Demon that talked to me all day, telling me to go to the liquor store. As soon as I started to drink, it would take right over...cause me to drink waaaaaay more than I should, make me say the stupidest and worst things to my wife, like it was trying to ruin me. I feel like the NAL has kept the Demon at bay. I seem to be able to stop at 8-12 units. I stay the "good" guy that I am while drinking, I don't turn into the jerk.

That's where I am at. In reading other people's stories, I figure I have a couple more weeks like this before hopefully, I can work it down. I am hoping my brain is getting the treatment that it needs. It does feel like something's going on up there. As I said before, I am trying to get all my feelings down as truthfully as possible for myself, and for others who will follow after me. Nick's journal is very helpful to me, and I read similar stuff there which gives me hope.

By for now. I am looking forward to watching some hoops tonight with my kids and some NAL drinking. This better work.

Last night, (Friday) 9 units for the record. Actually thought I drank 11 until I came down and found some extra that I didn't finish. I was kind of surprised that 9 units would have knocked me out like it did.

JDOG, your week looked very familiar to me because it was a very typical week for me 9 months ago. Just substitute wine and bourbon and diet cokes for your vodka. Many people experience a spike to pre-TSM or worse levels after a honeymoon. It's hard in the beginning to believe this will work but you are showing signs of response to naltrexone. Let it chip away at your addiction for a couple of months and then start flexing those control muscles. Do what you can to limit the fallout to your wife and kids, be kind to them in your sober moments and they will marvel at you when you become the man you are supposed to be. The man who controls his alcohol and is not controlled by it. You'll get there.

People often look at numbers alone and get discouraged with the method. And numbers alone are only part of the story. The larger issue to me -- assuming that you are not currently harming yourself physically with the amount you are drinking -- is behavior. What a simple but monumental statement: "Now when I drink I'm not a jerk." That fact cannot be measured in units and is saving your marriage and family. So what if you are still drinking way too much at this point -- you are still very early in the process.

Friday remains my drinking day. I allow myself to drink like I did in high school on Fridays. So yesterday my buddy picked me up after work and we shot pool from 5-10. During that five hour period I had a couple of pitchers of light beer so I'll conservatively put my unit count at 10. (Per usual, I had no drinks during the week.) I got home fairly sober before the liquor stores closed. Two years ago I would have stopped at the store and picked up booze and drank until 2 or so. Last night, I came home, drank some water, fooled around on the internet and went to bed by 11. I woke up feeling fine. And tonight I will be watching the Final Four but I will not be drinking. Why? Because my buddy lives 30 miles south of the cities and I'll be driving. Two years ago, I'd drive down there and drink like a fish, knowing that I'd be sleeping in his guest room. Tonight I won't have a drop and it will be effortless because i don't want to drink heavily two days in a row and I want to sleep in my own bed.

You will get to where I am at. And you'll be able to drink during the Final Four and the Super Bowl with the added benefit of actually remembering the experience! I went to the Super Bowl in 2007 during New England's perfect season and drank so much it was like I barely remember being in Arizona. What good is living life if you don't remember it? Not much good. In fact, worthless is a pretty good description.

You are on your way, my friend. Hang in there and continue to focus on how much your life has improved. It will get better and better, but it will be rocky.

My best,

Nick

JDog, I can relate everything you wrote about in your last post. It really helped me remember where I was and what a difference TSM can make. I definitely think that you are responding to nal and you will succeed in the end. You will go through a crazy roller coaster ride with TSM and you just have to hang on.

I agree with St. V that you need to make sure you show your love and appreciation to your wife when you can. It takes a very strong women to be able to put up with us alcoholics.

PS

Saint Vincent (and Tambo) makes a great point, per usual. The way to get your numbers down is to get away from vodka! That was my drink of choice and I could drink 5 units or two drinks in 15 minutes. Whereas, it takes me way longer to drink wine or beer. SWITCH TO RED WINE OR LIGHT BEER. You will find your numbers will go down very quickly. File it under "exerting a little effort" which is critical to your success on the method.

I feel like I have experienced a miracle. I am serious.

I have drank today and I am posting while under the NAL and alcohol influence. An amazing thing just happened. It is 11 PM on Sunday night, and I have had 12 units today (I think). In the past, this would have led to an out of control-until I passed out- binge.

I just dumped all of my leftover Vodka (4-5 units) because I really didn't want to drink it. It was like I have had my fill. Incredible. NEVER, EVER happened before. Amazing. I seriously felt like I was full and I didn't want to drink any more. Wow. I was happy to dump it - I can't believe that I am typing this.

I have dumped stuff before, but it has always been difficult and a huge struggle. Fighting desperately against a compulsion, with my logical mind fighting against my addictive mind. And then having part of me regretting that the booze has been dumped and not drank. Not now.

Just drank a big glass of water. Going to have another big glass of water in a second.

I hate to repeat myself, but I just dumped a bunch of good booze. I have more booze available to me in the garage. I don't want it. I am going to drink some water and then go to bed. I have not experienced this on a Sunday night ever. Even before I drank alcoholically, I would have finished off Sunday night with a stumble upstairs, if not a pass out.

Like I said, I have beer in the garage, but I am not tempted to go there. And I really don't want to. If you put a vodka and tonic (normally my love) or a beer in front of me right now, I would pass it up.

This is one of the most amazing nights that I have had with NAL. I have never experienced this before. I am going now, to read a magazine in bed until I fall asleep. I am so filled with hope.

I wish that everyone suffering from this disease could feel this freedom. I have no doubt that I am long from over my difficulties, but I am now 100% sure that TSM is going to free me from this crippling problem for good. I will follow the Golden Rule for the rest of my life, and I will be free.

Thank you God, Sinclair, and Dr. Eskapa.

Awesome. You are on your way to regaining control and to being a tremendous advocate for the method.

JDog,

Your 3-week long story is really inspiring to those of us that are still at the beginning of our journey.

Your Saturday night success story sent shivers down my spine – well done!

Even though my 1st batch of Nal is still in the post - I feel really positive about change. Thank you for sharing your story.

Keep it going