Hi again, Mario,



Is it ever!

It's all there in that sentence, I think everyone here can identify with what you just wrote.

The trick is to make our mind a place that we don't want to get away from!

People who don't have psychological/addiction/neurological (eg ADHD) problems have minds that they are perfectly happy to stay "in" because their neurotransmitter levels are at the right levels, because they have adequate levels of dopamine and serotonin etc... they feel enough pleasure and well-being from everyday things that they don't feel the need to get "away" or "high". It's such a simple fact, but it's not easy to do it.

I feel for you in your present situation with your mother, and I totally understand that you feel it's unfair. If I were you I'd probably be thinking something alongs the lines of: "she didn't look after me, why should I have to look after her?"

The feeling of injustice is a very strong emotion and can be a very powerful motivation for positive change, extreme examples would be the Arab Spring, or the American Civil Rights movement in the 60s.

As for feeling guilty about having those feelings? Well, I can understand that too but I'm not sure it's justified, if you feel that her staying with you is unfair, you might be right, it could also be that it's not that unfair, or that your feelings are heightened because you're not feeling your best at them moment anyway, so it could be more about bad timing more than anything else. A Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) workbook might be something you could do to work some of that out, as well as talking to your husband and trusted friends, or your siblings.

The danger I see from what you've described about the guilt feelings is the way you are compensating by catering to her hand and foot. It's likely that she has no idea how you really feel so all she sees is her daughter who is bending over backwards to look after, which might lead her to think that you like having her there, she might also think that she's on to a good thing and might decide that she doesn't want to leave you. Do you see what I mean?

I hope her legs mends quickly.

curi

Thanks Curi,

Mother has actually gone home again. I dont know how long she can stay there and we have to make plans for the future. She has a house in town that is rented and we are thinking that we may use that money to get a mortgage to build a self contained living unit onto my house. That way we are not under each others feet and when she has visitors they are not under my feet either. Thank God I have a husband that is easy going and doesnt mind one way of the other.

I think the zoloft are finally kicking in. My sleep is returning to normal and my moods evening out a little.

Why beside your house, Mario? I don't expect an answer, I'm just throwing it out there...

Curi

Hi Mario, tried mailing ya but got no reponse yet.

I notice some Nal I ordered I suspect to be of inferior quality (sourced from india to Ireland).

So im looking for other sources.

What is your supply chain so to speak?

Things in Mario land dont appear to be calming down any. We rent a house to tenants who left on holiday for 10 days and because the house has been recently insulated and with air tight windows some mould that had been dormant has now sprouted so we have to get professional cleaners in and the tenants have moved.

Mothers health has not improved and docs still dont know or at least wont give us any guarantee that her leg will heal. My brother who has schizophrenia is getting worse and his docs want him to go to a long term facility. We have looked at a few and they all seem so horribly depressing. To think that in his early 20's he was an eletronic engineer with a bright future ahead of him is even more depressing.

We have been approved a loan to build a unit for my mother and my sister has co signed for it so at least I feel like Im not in this completly on my own and she has promised that she will be there for the long term care of her as well which eases my mind.

Hubby has had polymyalgia for about 6 or 7 years and has been on varying levels of steroids among other stuff and his docs want him off them but the drug they want to put him on could have some serious short term side effects- its actually a drug that is normally used to stop organ rejection so he cant start it until winter time when he is off work. so all told life is fairly stressful but the good news is my anti depressants are working well. Now and again I find myself still drinking without nal which is not good but Im recommiting again

I know its just the ups and downs of life but things have been fairly hectic in the last 6 months or so. Life seemed sweet though the other night when my daughter celebrated her 16th bday. The house was full of fun and laughter with about 12 of her mates roaming the house. She has had a boyfriend for about a year now which is another huge worry ie should I march her to the docs office or not? ARRRRGH.

I better sign off before I start thinking of that one for the rest of the evening. lol

Ok, there's only one issue I can answer in that post - yes, take your daughter to the gyno and get birth control. I know it might be more difficult in Ireland but you do allow BC right? Honestly, having been a teenager BC is going to be the most effective method. Even as an adult, I am sometimes bad with condoms (was always on BC, but sometimes... just trusted the partner !@$#@%)
As for the other stuff...it sounds like you have a ton on your plate, as I have had, but are dealing with "better than expected". Pre-nal, I think we both would have been in a drunken coma. So there's that!
In all seriousness, I wish you the best of luck and please, let us know how things are going.

Hi Electralou,

Actually its not difficult in Ireland anymore, in fact last time I was at the docs I mentioned it to her and said if my daughter came in looking for BC she was to get it. She took note of it and said that she would give her the 3 year implant as that was the safest at that age.

As for all the other stuff they will work themselves out in time and no doubt there will be a brand new set of chalanges after them. I guess thats just living life at the end of the day.

I dont know if Ive mentioned my neighbour here in the forum. She was the girl I originally started drinking at home with many years ago. I quit for 3 years and then started TSM about 2 years ago now. Her alcoholism was probably a stage ahead of mine even when I quit 5 years ago because I had quit drinking with her about 6 months before that as it was obvious that her husband and family were seriously worried about her. Anyway since then she has been in inpatient rehab three times but has drank immediately on coming home. Everybody, family and friends have done our best. I lived in her house for nearly a month to look after her kids while her husband worked overseas. At one point I begged her to try TSM and gave her a two week supply. I told her that I would quit this forum so that she could have privacy. She told me she took them but I found them in the medicine cabinet when I was staying there. I know Im an alcoholic myself but its so so frustrating to sit talking someone who is blatentely after drinking saying "no no I swear to God I have'nt touched a drop." Twice my sister and I have phoned an ambulance for her. On one of the occasions she had started to go into an alcoholic coma and her organs were shutting down. It was horrible trying to keep her children from seeing her being taken away in the ambulance unconcious. I couldnt believe it when they left her home a few hours later after stabalising her.At this stage there is a lot of anger in her kids and her husband had to quit an absolutely great job over seas. When he came back last time she had an electric bill of 800 euro, mortgage not paid and the house a tip. He has had to cut off the phone and cant afford the insurance for the car and has had to cancel their private health insurance. She went to rehab again but came out just as bad. She is now moving into an apartment this week all paid for her by the government but her hub told me she has drank the rent allowance that was sent to her last week. Its an absolute horror story. I havent spoken to her in months or at least she wont speak with me because I refused to lend her money as well as the fact that I told her Id lost all respect for her when she picked up a boyfriend while her hub was working abroad. Its all a nightmare for her and her family and I just hate the thought of her leaving this week with us not talking.

Its all very sad as we were great friends. Their house burned down about 5 years ago and my sister moved in with me for 6 months and left them live in her house rent free until their house was rebuilt.

Part of me wants to get her new address and write to her to let her know that there is someone there for her but my husband is dead against it telling me not to get drawn back in.

Every time I look at her I think damn you why didnt you take the bloody nal.

Mario that's heartbreaking isn't it? So sad that we can't help those who are so afraid to face life without alcohol. That's what it is I'm sure - I've had family members like that - they simply could not imagine life without booze.

Pray for her. But you may just have to let her life unfold the way it seems it is without your intervention. I'm using the naltrexone my poor dead brother should have used, but didn't.

Yeah its very sad, she lives directly across the road from me and on Tuesday evening she left. It seemed ridiculously easy to end a 25 year marraige, a couple of cases, a couple of black bags, a heater and a lamp and it was all over. All for the want of a pill.

I think Im going to have one last shot at it when I find out where she is living and try to convince her again that nal is the way to go. There is a strong possibility that she will tell me to feck off with myself but I and another friend thinks that living alone in an appartment where she can drink as much as she likes will end up with her going unconcous and dying. Maybe she has lost enough now for her to entice her to do it. I have plenty of nal in stock. I got 100 tabs about 3 months ago and put them away somewhere and for the life of me couldnt find them. I had plenty more but it was bugging the hell out of me and every time I was tidying up I kept looking for them. Finally yesterday morning I was sorting out old photos in a drawer and there amidst them was my 100 nal. I was delighted.
If there is anyone of a religious nature out there say a wee prayer for my friend.

Yes, I'll say a Hail Mary for her today, Mario. There are no coincidences in this life - it's grace that you found the extra naltrexone - so maybe once you find her again she'll be willing to give nal a try. As you say, we can only pray that she will be inspired to something above herself which might be her salvation from this awful curse.

It's also good of you to want to keep trying! If only those we care about would listen eh?